How to correctly navigate these situations between siblings (4) and (2)

[fairylightdollhouse]

Is there a book someone could recommend on how to handle situations between siblings ?

I have a 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy and sometimes I just don't know if I'm doing the right things when they're fighting.

I'll give two examples today:

4 year old set up a birthday party for her baby.. it was cute. She used a blanket on a side table as a table cloth, then set up some plastic cakes etc. we all sang happy birthday. She then got plates and wanted to share the cake. Two year old comes up and just throws everything on the floor. Of course that was wrong. Told him off and then helped DD set up her party again. After that, she obviously didn't want him near it anymore, so I tried to keep him away by distracting him. He lost interest and did something else. But as soon as she left her seat, he darted across and wanted to sit where she'd sat and play with it. She'd just walked away, I'm not sure why she left. But she left the whole set up there. As soon as she left he took her place and of course when she returned, she was fuming and a fight ensued.

Later she wanted to build a house with me, so we built one, using pillows and blankets etc. he wanted to play as well but she just kept pushing him away and didn't want him anywhere near it. What do I do in that situation ? Do I say, no, we play together or we don't play at all ? She really just wanted me to play with her. Thankfully my husband was there and he also tried to come into our pillow house and he wasn't allowed either, so he built another house with DS. But I'm not sure how to handle this correctly when my husband isn't there. It's not really happened much before. I tend to say we can only play if we can play together, or if we take turns nicely.

Then even later, we came upstairs and we put her pillows in her Wendy house and got cosy and of course DS wanted to get in when he came upstairs, but she started getting hysterical that he could come in too. I said, it's mean to leave him out and she just kept saying it's her house. Anyway of course he was in with us and eventually she accepted it.

I know I'm probably getting it all wrong. I encourage turn taking with toys. But it's more challenging in the sort of situations I've described.

Any advice or recommendations?

Peaceful parents, happy siblings and also Siblings without rivalry. There's no easy answers for these situations, the main thing is to acknowledge emotions so they feel heard and encourage solutions based on compromise, this will be tricky but over time you can help them develop skills to resolve conflict. Both books cover this.

Accept that they currently have very different styles of play/ needs, and try to find options where they won't kill each other/ trigger total meltdowns. Most likely they'll be able to do more together in times to come.

Do you kids get one on one time with you? Thid helped mine massively.

With the tea party I would set up one for youngest and role play with him near your daughter. Usually ends up with the three of us all playing together now with practice.

With the dens it's about having that one on one time and then just giving jobs out. *A, could you get thst, you're so strong for a 4 year old, B can you do this, good job. ' lots of praise.' I don't ask permission as 99% of the time my youngest wants involved so I just do it through lots on enthusiasm and praise for the good choices and good interactions between thrm

I also encourage and demonstrate to my five year old to explain to his sister. He's become so much better at narrating the board game so the two year old knows when it's her turn.