To feel jealous of DS dads social life-single parent

[Lavenderbluex]

Hi all,
Wondering if anyone has experienced similar? Know I’m most likely being U. I have 2 dc with different dads (dc1 dad was EA, dc2 dad cheated). Despite that I’ve tried to keep all coparenting as civil as possible.

However I can’t help but feel jealous of both of their social lives. Mine is none existent , I’m on UC (both dc under 3), have no spare money especially not for babysitters and haven’t had a night out or holiday in over 4 years (I’m 26). Family all work full time and don’t babysit.

Meanwhile, both DCs dads enjoy frequent long holidays abroad (sometimes 2 months at a time) and good social lives (cancelling arranged contact when it pleases them. They both mention this to me so not sure if they’re purposely trying to make me jealous. One pays a very small amount of CMS (SE), youngest dc dad doesn’t. They both wear expensive branded clothes.On the other hand, all of my clothes come from the charity shop, I can’t treat myself to anything. It’s my birthday tomorrow and as usual have no plans. If I’m lucky to receive any birthday money it will have to go on bills.

I love spending time with my dc dearly but I really miss having the odd night out or a child free meal with friends. I used to be such a social butterfly when I was younger. I often get lonely once both dc are in bed.
Does anyone else feel like this?

If they can afford all those nice clothes, holidays etc then they should be paying adequate CMS to allow you and your (their) dc to have a comparable lifestyle. Although, I'm sure that's easier said than done.
Do the dads have their dc on designated days/nights of the week (ideally the same) to allow you a respite from all the childcare. Being a single mother must be incredibly tough especially without family support. You need a bit of self-care and fun, you're only 26, after all. The dads need to step up here....

@MumOfTwoLittleOnes24 thanks for your reply 😊
Regarding CM, they’re both high earners but it’s complicated as both dads are not from here. Dc1s dad is from a country which is not a member of the Hague Convention (we’re divorced), so my fear is if I ever tried to claim CMS off him, he could easily take dc1 back to his home country as UK courts /police would not be able to return dc even if a UK court order was in place.

Dc2, although extremely loved, was unplanned and the result of a contraception failure. Dc2 dad has made it clear if I try and claim CM, he will move back to his home country (which I can really see him doing).

Dc1 dad has him most weekends but Dc2 dad does not. So I don’t have any childfree time.

I love my dc dearly and spending time with them. However although it’s my own fault, I can’t help but feel extremely bitter and jealous of both of their dads. I was a flight attendant before having dc which would be impossible to go back to having no family support with childcare, so any future job will most likely be low paid. 😔

If DC2's dad isn't involved, who would it matter if he left the UK to avoid CSM? DC1's dad can't take him out the country without your permission. So why not increase CSM? I really don't think you have anything to lose by actually getting them both to at least take some financial responsibility

So flight attendant might be out, but surely there are other jobs which would utilise those skills?

have you a good relationship with your ex employers? Could they put you forward for ground staff? Could you get on an apprenticeship or training scheme with them?

are you looking elsewhere in the travel and hospitality industries? At least to see what’s out there.

get up and running with training and study now so when the kids are at school you’re up and running.

have some ambition. You’re 26. Nothing stopping you from aiming for a good job and decent pay. UC will help with childcare as well.

Thanks for your replies 😊
@SD1978 with dc1 dad, he was able to get a passport for dc1 for his home country without my consent via his embassy. So unfortunately he could easily take him without my permission. I’ve already spent thousands on solicitor fees regarding it. As there is no safeguarding concerns in the eyes of the courts I can’t stop contact (not that I would). So it will be a worry until dc1 is 18. A close friend went through similar and the X took her dc to his home country and placed a travel ban on them. I guess I could try and claim CMS from dc2 but he is also quite a nightmare to deal with at times so for my own mental health I decided it was probably best to not go down that route.

@toomanytonotice the airline I worked with was abroad and I’ve already checked, they don’t have any ground staff vacancies at my local airport 😔I’ve applied for ground staff jobs at my local airport but unfortunately they require you to be work early morning/nights which wouldn’t fit into childcare facility opening times. I was thinking of looking into travel agent vacancies so hopefully find something!
Thanks again for your replies :)