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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About niece’s shoes?

12 replies

sishoes · 12/07/2024 17:22

DN is 18 months next week. Her shoes are a couple of sizes too small. Her grandparents (my parents) took her for her first pair with her parents and paid for them, as per tradition. This was back in February. She is still going about in pre-walker shoes but is a very confident walker now and runs everywhere, stable on her feet. My parents also think the shoes are too small and have suggested this to my sister but it caused a row as my sister thought they were undermining her. When pushed on it, she has said ‘the other shoes have stretched, whenever they feel tight, I’ll just buy one size up on Vinted’. DN now has some sandals from Vinted 2.5 sizes up from what she was measured at months ago but they are tatty and look very very worn - I have binned better items. I am all for recycling and reusing and love Vinted for a bargain but not for footwear.

The problem for my sister is not cost. She drives an expensive car and has lots of home help, they go on many different days out. She won’t budge on shoes, saying there’s no point spending £40+ and it’s frivolous when they’ll need replacing constantly.

I think shoes should be a priority; both me and my sister always had well-fitting shoes particularly as toddlers even though it cost an arm and a leg. My DD is younger than DN but we have accepted once she is old enough for shoes we might be buying new ones every couple of months until she’s in secondary school- it is just one of those things and trying to save money in this area imo is not worth the likely blisters and long term hassle/pain of having misshapen feet.

What can I do here without being nosey and too intervening? My parents could take her again to be measured but my sister just accuses them of undermining her choices.

I know ultimately it’s none of my business but just wondering what you’d do and how you’d try and help?

OP posts:
Georgethecat1 · 12/07/2024 17:25

Why don’t you get her feet measured and buy some from asda. Then you can just say oh she saw these and really wanted these rainbow ones and they were only £8. Might encourage her to get better more supportive shoes but cheaper?

WiseMenSayNothing · 12/07/2024 17:27

Buy your sister a too small pair of shoes from the charity shop and insist she wear them for a walk. See how she likes it. Awful she would risk harm to her child’s feet in this way.

www.southampton.ac.uk/healthsciences/news/2010/08/19_illfitting_school_footwear.page

KikiShaLeeBopDeBopBop · 12/07/2024 17:30

My great aunt has deformed feet because they were so poor growing up she had to wear shoes that were too small.

Octavia64 · 12/07/2024 17:32

Ok.

So your DN had her first shoes in Feb.
They are now too small.

Your sister has bought bigger shoes from Vinted which you don't like because they are tatty.

If they are the right size and they fit then I don't see why them being tatty is a major problem.

SilenceInside · 12/07/2024 17:32

Baby shoes don't need to cost £40 a go, places like Clarkes have sales all the time and you can get decent shoes for £10.

I honestly don't know what you can do to influence your sister though if she is determined to not prioritise some decent shoes. Does DN go to nursery or childminder at all? They might point out that the shoes aren't suitable.

Can you buy her some as a gift, and put up with comments about undermining?

Ivesaidenough · 12/07/2024 17:33

My DS deformed his own feet by wearing (trendy) trainers that were too small and narrow, he has managed to bend the bone in his big toe. 😧

CoffeeBeansGalore · 12/07/2024 17:34

Hi Op
Just had a look at the Clarks website & thought if you bought your dc a pair dn might like them - oh a bargain, they were only £14 & dc love them - sort of comment.

About niece’s shoes?
NewDay00 · 12/07/2024 18:13

I dont think you can do anything, it's none of yours or your parents business. If she has shows that fit, just because you think they are tatty that's not your decision to make.

Sprogonthetyne · 12/07/2024 18:29

Is the problem that she has no fitting shoes, or is it that she has outgrown the expensive first shoes your parents bought, and your sister hasn't replaced with equally expensive ones?

Well fitting supermarket shoes or good condition ones from vinted are fine. Especially as they will be outgrown in a couple of months, so don't need to be longlasting.

summer555 · 12/07/2024 18:34

Mention your concerns and then leave it given it's her child and decision.

snoopyfanaccountant · 12/07/2024 18:35

BIL is 51 and has real problems with his feet because when he was a child MIL insisted on putting him in DH's old shoes. She was afraid to put him in shoes that were too small so she erred on the side of too big and his feet are now deformed. Badly fitting shoes, whether too small or too big, can have lifelong consequences for little ones.

IBegYourBiggestPardon · 12/07/2024 19:53

Ivesaidenough · 12/07/2024 17:33

My DS deformed his own feet by wearing (trendy) trainers that were too small and narrow, he has managed to bend the bone in his big toe. 😧

Yep I did similar when I was younger. Told everyone my new shoes fitted fine. They didn't I just liked them and they didn't have a bigger size. Walked with my toes bent for months and months. The result every toe apart from my big ones are bent. The second and third toe of each foot is bent at both joints and the others just bent at one joint. Doesn't really bother me except depending on what shoes or trainers I'm wearing they sometimes catch the tops of my toes. Oh and I look a bit daft in sandals although I do still wear them

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