Managing people is haaaaaard

[Mehmeh22]

So I manage a new team of people. They all seem fine apart from one.

When they started, they said they needed training, even though at the interview my manager loved them. No biggie, we can support that.

However I've noticed they go through my diary, and add themselves to group meetings im attending without saying anything and also signing up to training without telling me "It's all helpful for my development" is the reply. Bare in mind the other new starter isn't like this.

Recently, they have clearly been talking to the other manager because they do know more about the area the member of staff is covering. This would be fine but then when I ask them to do something, it's all "let's check with other manager".

I ask to speak to them and they say "sorry I'm busy", yet expect me to drop everything.

Their workload has now increased as they've been here longer, and they can't spend as much time 'researching and training' as before. They said, can we refuse further cases?' Absolutely not. You just need to manage your work load and possibly start doing the job rather than focusing on training...

The most recent one is them going through my diary, contacting someone I'm meeting, asking to meet them, and then coming back to me asking to join about a specific thing that's nothing to do with why I'm meeting them.

My manager likes this person and said this is fine......Am I being unreasonable? Or am I losing the plot?

You need to set some clear and firm boundaries. Firstly with the other manager, because unless the two of you are consistent he's going to play you both like a fiddle. If you're his line manager, the last word needs to be yours. If you think the other manager won't support you you might have to bring in your own manager to intervene, because 'nice' as she is, she's undermining you, and it will be you left with the problems.
Secondly, you need to be very clear with your staff member about your expectations for their work load and their remit. Where they have autonomy and where they need your authority. Get this in writing as part of supervision.
Then be clear about the company offer regarding T&D, that it cannot divert time from doing the requirements of the role they are paid for and must be in the interests of the business, and that you will discuss and agree a plan for that with them. Every instruction and discussion of import needs to be backed up in writing.
And good luck! Yes its hard, but for every difficult one youll have others who are a pleasure to support, and the reward of managing a good team is worth the challenges.

Men not wanting to be managed by a woman. I can genuinely say that in 20 years of managing large teams I have rarely encounter this.

I literally never even think about it. Perhaps 3 men have deeply disliked me - but I'm pretty sure that's because I very obviously managed them out of the business and not because I'm a woman. I've been equally unpopular with the women I did that too as well.

Perhaps it's the industry I work in but I've managed hundreds of men and never had an issue because I'm a woman.

Are you absolutely sure this is his problem, not yours? If the senior leaders think he's good.

I like a staff member who pushes for development, that's my job as his manager. My new boss has told me to add myself to anything in her diary I think would be useful to help understanding the business. It's of benefit to her too becuase then I can do some ofbthe follow up.

If there are things that are really inappropriate for him to attend, tell him no, but otherwise crack on and give him as many "development opportunities" as you can. That can only help you.

It's great that you haven't experienced it, but it's a huge issue, and it's not because women are crap managers. NAMALT obviously, but loads are. And they are horrendous to deal with. Overgrown toddlers. Awful.

I've never found it difficult to manage men either. They tend to me much more focused on the actual work (or lazy, in which case you follow capability procedures) and less likely to have personal problems, in or out of work, that affect their work.

@Mehmeh22 have you listed the problems and submitted them
in writing to your managers? I think they sound like they are allowing a vague impression of the person to override the facts of what the person has actually achieved.

You don't have to "lay into him", butnif that's what he did you absolutely can speak up and say that was your idea. Why wouldn't you? I have done, to men and women.

Mind you, I also love letting staff and managers think my ideas are theirs, it makes it much easier to get them to comply. It doesn't really matter who's idea it was. Any good work done by my team, looks good on me.

I know it's all personal experience, but i had to manage a complete waster who, when pulled up on non performance, practically started crying about getting a new kitchen fitted and that was why he wasn't pulling his weight. He was/ is a professional wastrel, who always felt the work was beneath him. There were others too who were as lazy, but without the dramatics. The women I managed were much more sensible.

Ask - you are going to have to get serious about this.

If you don't he's going to pass his probation and be more difficult to get rid of.

He's taking the piss. Piss takers come in both sexes. Treat them the same.

You need to have regular, documented 121s where you very clearly and plainly state the terms of his role/employment. Weekly.

This is the performance you expect. Any deviation from this will be considered a performance issue and will lead to extension of his probation.

You are his direct manager - all actively is directed by and comes to you. No other manager. It will be viewed as the wasting/going against the remit of his role to do other wise

Training and development timing and plans will be set by you not him (you need to set them). Any time taken not directed by you will be classed as timewasting and not fit for the role

No going through your calendar

No interfering with meetings you have set up

No claiming your ideas as his own. Be very explicit about the example and that you will pull him up in public if he does it.

If you ask him to meet, it's not a suggestion

If you ask him to do work it's not a suggestion

You set the workload and pace at which work needs to be completed.

You need to be very very clear. These are the rules. This is the expectation. And the consequences for failing to follow or achieve these.

I would suggest that you list against all these where we is currently falling short and that his pro a room is likely to be extended because his current behaviour has lead to you question if he is the right fit for the role he was employed to do.

You need to manage this person. Their time, their behaviour. This is the micromanaging end of the scale and managing g people can be a joy. Sometimes though you have to do it this way and nip things in the bud. It's the job. It's why we get paid more.

I know that different organisations have different norms and ways of doing things but the way he adds himself into meetings in OPs calendar seems like a massive overstep to me. Surely, when a meeting is set up thought is given then to who needs to be there, and only those people are invited.

Sometimes it might become apparent that additional people should also attend. And sometimes other people will ask if they can attend - I’ve occasionally seen a meeting in my manager’s diary and asked if I could/should attend - sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no.

But simply adding yourself to a calendar meeting invite is presumptuous and rude. And it’s really cheeky to then claim you haven’t got time to complete your allocated tasks, because of these extra meetings you’ve effectively gate crashed.

These are all really good suggestions but you need to get your manager on side first. How often do you speak to your manager?

As part of your next catch up I would add to the agenda discussion on how your new report is doing and start laying the groundwork that they are only seeing his positive side, but you need him to deliver on work.

Once they realise that he is trying to avoid actually doing work in favour of training, senior management will soon be behind you managing him

Oh, and remove his permissions in your Outlook calendar immediately

Me too.

I've managed hundreds of men, at varying levels including as a director, in my career (mostly in multi-nationals) and never had an issue with a man I managed that was in any way related to our sexes.

I did!! Enjoyed doing it too! I did it for all the staff so it's not obvious

I would be fine with him wanting to develop himself. But what about the 5 other members of staff? If he attends our training sessions meant for clients without telling me, I could inadvertently have more staff members than clients attend and that just looks daft!! What if the other staff see it and think I am giving him preferential treatment? He's like a bloody vampire with never ending thirst but what benefit is he giving back for all this development?

The managers love him cause he's come from quite a professional organisation and it is assumed he would know more than how he's acting now. And he's a smiling assassin or at the very least, I just see through it

I'm with you, OP. I completely disagree with people saying they admire his desire to push himself forward and getting involved where he's not required while neglecting his actual role.

For someone who's been with the organisation for a couple of months, the best way forward is to knuckle down and pick up what he can, as best he can, while taking cues from his manager and bringing up training and experience needs when he has his regular reviews with you.

I assume he has those reviews very frequently as an apparently 'important' new hire(?). I would be meeting him weekly in the first couple/few months, with a focus on how he's settling in and where he thinks he needs training/experience, as well as what I expect from him.

A regimented review process helps you both in that he's got a forum to bring up his perceived needs for training, and has no excuse to go beyond the lines you've set and agreed.

On top of that, if you've still got an overreaching manager yourself, you've got what you need to shut down any concerns from above.