CAFCASS report. I’m broken.

[ineedasleep]

I need a hand hold.

I received my section 7 report from Cafcass and it’s really messed with my head again.

Warning: r@pe talk

Whilst married my ex husband financially, emotionally, mentally and sexually abused me. Hes made our son and I homeless, took absolutely everything of monetary value and plummeted us into financial despair.

I have proof of the abuse, rape, anger, aggressiveness, following me around the house screaming at me, threatening suicide when caught cheating and lying. I can even prove he’s drinking every day, taking drugs still and allowing questionable adults into our child’s life. The works.

My Cafcass contact listened to everything I had to say and her exact words were: I believe you, I believe you about the rape, the details you can describe and how it happened, I believe it. I’m so sorry you had to go through this and I can’t imagine how you felt.

Cut to now and I’ve received my section 7 report and she said she doesn’t believe there was ’domestic abuse’ but more parental acrimony and disagreements which led to animosity and crossed wires.

I feel so foolish. This has happened to me twice with social workers. Showing them to abuse with proof and them just putting it down to parental or martial issues.

I have texts proving the abuse and my ex even admitting to what he’s done but the excuse he’s used with CAFCASS is that he just agreeed to what I was saying back then to move on from the argument. So example if I said to him ‘hey your anger and aggression towards our child and I is not ok’. His response was something like, ‘you’re right, I have anger issues, I need help and will speak with a doctor’.

So even though I have proof to state otherwise, they believe his lies.

I’m broken. I’m im therapy already but it makes me question my reality (which my ex would make me do all the time and now this is too). I feel like why did I even bother reporting the rape? Or even bother reporting the financial and coercive abuse? Nothing has been done to protect me or my child and I’m just broken.

I’m sorry for what has happened to you. I agree with a lot of the suggestions already made, the IDVA service is amazing and they will advocate on your behalf. I would also suggest speaking to the cafcass workers manager to discuss your concerns, maybe request a meeting in person.
CAFCASS has a domestic abuse pathway, which doesn’t seem to have been followed in your child’s case, I’ve attached a link to the guidance, may be worth reading to highlight areas of non compliance with their own policy…

www.cafcass.gov.uk/sites/default/files/2023-10/Domestic%20Abuse%20Practice%20Pathway.pdf

Please make a complaint about the report. Cafcass social workers are given a huge amount of weight in court and their reports are filed with no scrutiny or quality control from anyone. As local authority social workers our evidence is quality assured by a manager and a solicitor before filing and our recommendations are agreed by senior managers but cafcass just have one person looking at a case and making their own recommendations with no supervision, checks and balances. You need this report to be read by a manager in light of your evidence of abuse.
recently a friend of mine asked my advice about a poor social work report that had been completed and filed to the family court (not cafcass) and asked what I should do about it. I supported her to make a complaint and the report was amended and the new version filed. I think this outcome was easier to achieve with it being a LA social worker as there is more accountability there but that's what you need to happen. It needs to be read by more people and the glaring issues to be spotted. Make sure you cite the joint research by cafcass and women's aid and the guidance they wrote for these exact situations.

CAFCASS are awful, they ignored the fact that exh raped me & had tried to burn down the house with me & ds in it when I was trying to leave him & said there was no risk to him having access to ds. I was tricked into having to sit in a room with him sat on a chair less than 6 inches away from him at court to speak to them.

OP I'm so sorry this happened to you. I relate to you in the sense that I avoided pressing charges for fear of repercussions. I my case that meant that he got off in the end with community service. But either way once I pressed charges, I was put in touch with a legal group that helps women, Refuge and other resources. I had help. I had people explaining the coercion etc.

I was primed for this awful abuse because of my earlier life. I didn't realise this. It took quite a bit of time to heal. Not too long ago I tried EMDR and now I'm able to deal with issues that happened without feeling full of dread and panic. I can't guarantee that would be the case for everyone. But take care of yourself, get support if you can.

And consider this - after I met my ex (through a good friend) and had fallen head over heels I found out he was dealing with a divorce. His ex was made out to be a villain. At some point AFTER I was married to him I learned that his previous wife had filed charges for rape. Her evidence wasn't strong enough for a conviction. Things got more and more manipulative and crazy. Nobody realised what hell my life had become. One day I was trying to escape with my 1.5 year old and the **er, the middle of the pavement, pushed me from the pram and reached between my legs and grabbed me. That reaction of losing control and responding with sexual violence made it clear at least some of the ex's history was probably true. And if she had been successful in getting him convicted I wouldn't be standing there. Things got far worse within 48 hours of that incident. The police said I could've died. The police wouldn't prosecute for coercive control or for the sexual assault. I tell you this because if you're fearful, consider that may be doing society a greater good by bringing the facts and evidence to light.

I wish for you strength and peace. You deserve it.

@ineedasleep
I can completely understand your apprehension towards proceeding with a complaint. I myself had to be cross-examined as a victim of rape and it was incredibly difficult.

Nevertheless, you say he has evidence of apologising to you, which would be very difficult for him to explain away in court.

If you want to get CAFCASS to put limitations on his custody rights then continuing with the police complaint is your best option. If convicted he would be placed on the sex offenders register and subject to MARAC. In terms of child protection, unsupervised contact would not be considered suitable for someone placed under these conditions with such history.

I know this is such an unfair process for you to have to go through, and I really hope you have support in your life right now to help get you through this difficult time. Just please bare the option above in mind should you need an extra safety net.

My experience of cafcass was quite similar. Took the notes, said they believed it, then wrote a wholly inaccurate report leaving out all details and siding with the other party entirely. They aren't fit for purpose

@ineedasleep

Also, I know you’ve already mentioned documenting everything you can. But ensure you:

-take pictures of your child’s body BEFORE they leave
-on return capture every image of any bruising/injury to your child asap when they return (and continue taking pictures as such marks develop)
-prior to asking your child what happened, start a video recording on your phone and then ask (you don’t have to make the recording obvious to your child).
-ANY historic abuse/assault can be reported to the police- if he has assaulted your child before, as mentioned, you need to be reporting this as a criminal matter.

A lot of services perform poorly in protecting children, however they do best once they all start working together (multi-agency safeguarding meetings). You need to be knocking on the door of every agency- including the police. The police have certain powers and a massive duty to safeguard- even if no conviction is possible.

Even if it means he has bail conditions stopping him from seeing the children for 3 months - it gives you the chance to breathe.

Solidarity OP, I've been there. I've not got much to add to the good advice you've received so far. Just to say that now, 6 years after my dealings with CAFCASS, inc 2 day fact finding hearing, life is calm.

At times I felt I was absolutely sinking under it all, all the paperwork, the legal bills (I had some savings so didn't get legal aid till it was all gone) and then being a full time working single parent. The fake empathy of the CAFCASS officer and then the backstabbing misrepresentation in the report was very hard to accept.

In my case the court did come down on my "side" in the end and made several findings of domestic abuse. That didn't actually change much around contact arrangements. As pp have said the threshold for stopping contact is huge. I know I'm very fortunate to have got that validation of my experiences. So many don't get that.

Things will work themselves out in the end. It won't always be like this. Stay strong. Get support wherever you can.