To feel like I'm struggling to cope

VivaVivaa · 11/07/2024 20:59

Parenting small children and working is relentless. I totally get feeling unable to stop. And I have the luxury of doing it in my own home. There is no way I could cope living with my parents for the reasons you have described.

Where is your money going at the moment? Are you paying them rent/bills/food etc? If DP went full time would this stretch to cover private rental so you could leave?

Ragruggers · 11/07/2024 21:03

Why is your DP only working part time.Surely he is able to do more if working less hours so you have some time to yourself.Shared ownership may be the only solution for you at present.Sorry your life is so stressful.

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:05

@VivaVivaa
Me & DP pay the rent & 2/3rds of the bills. When I went back after 2nd maternity leave (was still privately renting) we worked out finances & as I'm the higher earner it made sense for me to go FT & DP PT so he'd be at home with DC 2 days & he goes nursery 3 days. If we were both full time, the nursery fees would be even higher, cancelling out his wage.

I feel so trapped and and can't see how I'm going to get out of this!

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DontYouStartMadam · 11/07/2024 21:05

I live with my parents and my young child too though my circumstances are different to yours. I totally get the whole "not my house" dilemma and having to tidy up after yourself and children constantly. I'm so grateful for the help but I wish I had my own place too. I also have the same feeling of not being able to catch breath, just treading water. Not many answers but commiserations your way

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:07

@Ragruggers, just answered the PT working in the last reply. We'd have less money if he worked the 2 extra days to make it full time, as our nursery bill would be higher!
He'd rather be at work more and in the house less, but we'd have less money!

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Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:08

@Ragruggers, been looking into Shared Ownership this week. Didn't know much about it before or anyone who had done it to get advice on if its worth doing, but thinking it might be our only solution

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Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:10

DontYouStartMadam · 11/07/2024 21:05

I live with my parents and my young child too though my circumstances are different to yours. I totally get the whole "not my house" dilemma and having to tidy up after yourself and children constantly. I'm so grateful for the help but I wish I had my own place too. I also have the same feeling of not being able to catch breath, just treading water. Not many answers but commiserations your way

It's so hard isn't it! I'm grateful we have somewhere safe to live, but regretting ever leaving our last house! So stressed all the time at the minute

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Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2024 21:10

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:07

@Ragruggers, just answered the PT working in the last reply. We'd have less money if he worked the 2 extra days to make it full time, as our nursery bill would be higher!
He'd rather be at work more and in the house less, but we'd have less money!

He can't get a job at night when you're home? I would think that making money to save for a way out of your parent's home is priority #1. How are your parents handling this? It must be a lot for them to deal with.

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:15

@Aquamarine1029 he was doing a 2nd temp job in the evenings, when he / we get back from work but that has just came to an end. He's searching for another, but nothing has came up yet. It's difficult to juggle the timings to make them work, if he's working a night shift, then will have DC in the morning when I'm at work.

Both trying to do as much overtime etc as possible. We're both hard workers, everything just seems so difficult around school run, nursery run & nursery fees.

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Ragruggers · 11/07/2024 21:16

Why are you paying all the rent hopefully it is not a high amount?Are you claiming the 30 hours nursery for your youngest.Could your DP find some work over the weekend just to put more money away.Look into shared ownership it may be something to consider.

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:23

Ragruggers · 11/07/2024 21:16

Why are you paying all the rent hopefully it is not a high amount?Are you claiming the 30 hours nursery for your youngest.Could your DP find some work over the weekend just to put more money away.Look into shared ownership it may be something to consider.

@Ragruggers DM received housing benefit before we moved in, as we are working we wouldn't be entitled to that so HB stopped & me & DP pay the rent. It's a council house so much cheaper rent that private.

The 2nd job he's been doing was evenings & weekends, but recently came to end as a temp contract, so he's searching for another.

He isn't old enough for 30 hours yet (need to be 3) so next year that will come in and will help.

I think shared ownership is going to be our way out. It's just all so stressful to know what to do for the best & nothing is quick! There's no end date which is making it harder

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Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2024 21:33

Are your parents renting? Are you really paying ALL of the rent? How does that make sense?

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 21:43

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2024 21:33

Are your parents renting? Are you really paying ALL of the rent? How does that make sense?

Yes DM is council tenant, and her rent was covered by housing benefit. With 2 working adults moving in the rent becomes payable and so we are paying it.

Seemed like a good idea so that we could do the right to buy scheme - the council rent is cheaper than what our private rent was, we could save the difference in rent, and after 12 months could buy the property.

That hasn't worked out now and I'm stuck

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DGPP · 11/07/2024 21:58

it’s very tough working all hours with young children. What I can say is it will get better. Your children will qualify for free hours which means your partner may be able to work more. Meanwhile, save all you can and you yourself work hard in the hope you might get promoted and get better pay. It will improve, just take all the free nursery you can when you can and work on increasing your own pay. Save as much as you can, even tiny amounts, towards a deposit so you can look at home ownership or shared ownership at some point. For now you have a roof over your heads and that’s what’s counts

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 22:05

DGPP · 11/07/2024 21:58

it’s very tough working all hours with young children. What I can say is it will get better. Your children will qualify for free hours which means your partner may be able to work more. Meanwhile, save all you can and you yourself work hard in the hope you might get promoted and get better pay. It will improve, just take all the free nursery you can when you can and work on increasing your own pay. Save as much as you can, even tiny amounts, towards a deposit so you can look at home ownership or shared ownership at some point. For now you have a roof over your heads and that’s what’s counts

Thank you, I know that's the most important thing overall, and the children are happy & safe. I'm just finding it so difficult.

I am doing all that and will continue to, and hoping something changes for the better sooner rather than later!

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14Georgetown · 12/07/2024 12:24

Sounds really draining OP, I’ve been there and its really tough some days. Not sure if you have in laws or any other friends/family who could have the kids for you for the weekend everyone once in a while so you can just have a weekend to lay in bed if you so wish! I know that used to make a difference for me just every now and then a break from tidying etc xx Things will get better it just takes some time x

BrieAndChilli · 12/07/2024 13:16

are you not over crowded for a council house?
Could you privately rent your mum a smaller house and take over her tenancy?

ileftmypotatointheovenallnight · 12/07/2024 13:20

madderthanapissedonchicken · 11/07/2024 20:52

This will be a rant and may not even make sense but just want to ask how does everyone cope??

I feel like I have a lot going on & am struggling but is it just me??

Full time work, juggling with 2 DC (1 school age, 1 nursery) living with parents - tried the right to buy scheme, wasn't able to & have now been priced out of where we were renting before.

My problems are living at home is stressing me out, not enough space, no privacy. Come back from work & straight back into looking after the kids, but have to leave everywhere tidy (fine, not my house, not my rules, but sometimes I just want to sit!) Never in the house by myself. Struggling with no time to my self.

So, we could leave & rent again. Private renting has doubled in the 2 years I've been living here. Do I do it anyway and have no money (don't have much now despite working full time & partner part time). Been looking at shared ownership. Is that a good idea or bad idea??

Feel like I'm not on top of things at work, or at home or with the kids.

Is it just me? Does anyone else feel like they don't have any time to just stop and breathe?? I don't know what to do to make the situation better, I can't see the wood for the trees.

Sorry that is rambly, just trying to get my thoughts out & hopefully someone has some advice?

I did shared ownership for 8 years and am about to move onto open market. I was living at home saving for a deposit before this having split up with a partner aged 31. It's been great for me but I was able to staircase quickly as my earnings went up. I'm now done with paying the rent portion (I pay rent on 30%) and want all my own place.

If you do it then you have to be on it in terms of managing your finances as its a stepping stone to full ownership.