To contact Mum about safeguarding risk?

[WhatHappensBehindClosedDoors]

A 16 year old boy is angry, aggressive, and violent towards people and property. Think smashing TVs, and punching and kicking people in the face/head - violence that a grown adult male can’t control. The police have been involved with respect to some (but not all) assaults he has carried out on separate occasions including on his mother and younger siblings. The 16 year old’s mother has a boyfriend with primary school-aged children and they holiday together with her children including the violent son. I don’t know if the mother of these primary school-aged children is aware of the full story. My gut tells me she has a right to be fully informed and so I should check, but, equally, I’m worried about coming across as shit stirring. AIBU to message her to ask if she’s aware of the risk of harm to her children from this 16 year old?

Could you contact the duty social worker to discuss your concerns? They may be aware of the family and better able to risk assess and/or contact the Mum if concerned. I’m not sure “telling” Mum is necessarily the right thing as it doesn’t offer the children any protection from the ensuing argument between their parents.

Mum knows he is aggressive, she's been a victim herself. Contact children's services, neither adult is protecting their younger children,

The mum knows what her 16 year old son is like.
I'd be more inclined to say something to the Dad of the primary aged children.

It doesn’t sound like the Mum of the primary school children has met or knows much about the teenager?

Op is talking about telling the primary-aged kid's mum, not the 16 Yr old's mum.

Am I right in thinking that it's not the mum of the 16yo that you're thinking of contacting, it's the mum of the boys mother's boyfriends children?

I'm not sure there's any need. If their father has custody at the time it's up to him to handle it, unless you have reason to suspect that their father is negligent.

Yes, this is correct.

Good point about the father. The 16 year old’s mother is minimising it - repeatedly stating there is no safeguarding issue and attempts to normalise it as typical “sibling infighting” behaviour. I suspect he has been manipulated and/or silenced against speaking up. I’m not sure whether this means he’s negligent.

Child services have passed the case on to another team. They have been told about the other children, but progress is slow and their current focus is on supporting the violent 16 year old rather than safeguarding the younger siblings/step-siblings.

Mum will already know and is probably being supported by SS.

I think people are misreading your post.

OP means the mother of the 16 year old’s step siblings. Not his own mother, who already knows he is violent because he has attacked her.

Bloody hell the reading comprehension on here is at an all time low today

OP I would have no second thoughts about letting the mother of the primary aged children know about this risk

Thank you! I didn’t think I’d written it THAT badly…

It’s so hard to know what to do. I am caught between what you are saying and what @PerfectTravelTote said about leaving it up to the father. I agree with you both!

It’s up to the father to inform the other parent if there is a real risk to his children. SS will know the family make up and dynamic and would take action if they felt it warranted. I think you potentially come across as stirring if you become involved by telling the other parent - unless you are directly involved yourself?

Former child protection worker here... I've not read the full thread.so:

I deffo call the duty social work desk tomorrow(wherever the younger kids live) and just say you want to do a referral of small children being in close contact with a violent older 'step sibling' who has had significant police involvement for violence and the parents can't control.

Say also some involved adults are minimising this violence.

They will assess from here on in...

It's quite possible they're aware and already assessing.

Op what's your role in this - how do you know the family and their circumstances?