To force DD to go on holiday with her dad?

[BringItOnxxx]

Dilemma, my DD is 7 and very sensitive at times. She doesn't want to go on holiday for a weekend with him and his newish girlfriend and her 2 young kids. She gets on with them all however.

Would it be wrong to force her to go? I am conflicted.

Also she's been away just the two of them already this summer and she wouldn't be far.

Sorry to drip feed. She's known the new girlfriend and kids for about a year.

I personally would not make her go. Why would you?

I personally would not make her go. Why would you?

Sorry no idea why that posted twice

Depends on what her reasoning is - is she able to explain why she doesn't want to go?

"Forcing" her to go is never going to be good, but if you can get her to open up a bit about what's worrying her, you can come up with strategies together to manage it.

No I wouldn't make her go.

Why doesn't she want to go this time?

Bring her dad in too, and find out why not?
Is there a good reason?
Maybe she would enjoy it if she went.

Is it her regularly scheduled weekend? Do you have any safeguarding concerns?

Ds is always very reluctant to see his dad. He’s 12 now, but at that age I wouldn’t have forced her no. Deffo bring the dad into the convo though if you can so he can see you aren’t alienating her. We ‘made’ Ds go last summer for 5 nights. We double and triple checked before his dad booked the flights etc and he was saying he would deffo go, but when it came to it he changed his mind. We made him go as he’d committed and money had been spent, but it was in hindsight probably the wrong decision as he hated it, was homesick and has sworn never to go away with him again. If I’d backed off and not made him he might of come back to the idea more positively in the future.

I think you need to speak to her and find out why she doesn’t want to go. It might be something like privacy concerns that can easily be fixed.

On the other hand, it might be that she likes the girlfriend and/or her kids in small doses but she’d struggle to spend a whole weekend with them. Or she loves her dad and will happily go away with him on his own, but doesn’t like how the dynamics change when girlfriend & kids are involved.

I’m really not a fan of forcing children to spend time with people they don’t really want to spend time with, even if it’s a parent. There’s a fine line being trodden here and I don’t think you’ll know what side to come down on until you know what she’s thinking.

And definitely do not bring her dad into the conversation because you are guaranteed not to get the truth out of her. If she’s a sensitive little thing, there’s no way she’s going to say anything negative in front of him and she’ll just feel guilty for him discovering she doesn’t want to go.

Why doesn't she want to go?
Is there an actual reason or she just doesn't feel like it?
If there's no actual reason and she gets on with everyone, then I think you have to insist you go. 7 year olds don't get to dictate.

Thanks for the differing viewpoints. I think I'll encourage, ask why rather than force. It's not in his interest either because she might cry and be homesick and spoil it for everyone. She sees him at his during the week and is fine but has never spent much time with the other two kids.

He's her dad, she's 7, you've not alluded to any welfare concerns, she goes. Same as she goes to school if she doesn't feel like it, or cleans her teeth even if she doesn't want to.

What if it was you wanting to take her on holiday and she didn't want to go? Would you not take her.

It's still her dad. No difference to Mum

I don't know if this is relevant but she is on a waiting list for ASD assessment. But not sure if that makes a huge difference? She's not a clear case of ASD in my eyes but she does sometimes struggle with change. However weirdly was fine going to EuroDisney with me earlier this year. So not all change obviously.

Of course I wouldn't force her

I wouldn’t. My exH made my then 10 year old go away with his then current GF and kids, DC rang me in tears every night.