To still be upset over a child putting their hands on my Dd (7) neck.

[midnightglow29]

Just as the title says last week, I got informed my child was subject to an "incident" with another child shouting at my DD. When she tried to get an item back, the child stole off her. I had found out after the call that this child actually put their hands on my DD neck and tried to strangle (no teacher had witnessed this but another child did and when i told them they believed me because this child is aggresive). I went straight back to the school, who said this child was removed from activities for the day and reassured me that this child will not be in the same class as DD next year. The teacher asked me what I wanted to happen, which I was unsure and wanted this child to not be near DD, which they agreed and said they would also get the child to apologise. I have found out today that the teacher tried to get the child to apologise where the child swore a lot, then ran out of the classroom to their parent, who is another teacher of the school. I am still upset and not sure what to do. Do I just get by the next week until the holidays? Would this incident be recorded as I am worried for other children in the class.

Forced apologies at that age are pointless. The apology means nothing if it's forced, and the victim, as in this case, is put into a really awkward and uncomfortable situation. I'm surprised that the teacher attempted this, particularly if the child is known to be difficult.

I'd focus on getting through the week and the fact that they won't be together after the holidays.

Having had a similar incident where a year 1 child beat the snot out of my year 2 daughter over a minor perceived slight, I would look for:

• referral/concern to be raised, where is this behaviour coming from? What is the child experiencing himself?

• safeguarding of my child with this kid. Risk assessment of it happening again to another child.

• behaviour policy to be followed to the letter with regards to sanctions. It might be the case that the school goes with ELSA support/intervention rather than exclusion. They won't be able to tell you more than "the behaviour policy was followed" or "appropriate sanctions were in place".

• SLT involvement if the class teacher is handling it poorly.

In my daughter's case the teacher who witnessed the incident didn't handle it well, didn't document it very well, and the deputy head raised merry hell when I went in with a few carefully pointed questions.

We settled on a period of extra support and check ins for my child at break/lunch, and it formed part of a case for the other child to get a 121.

The ELSA also took both children for intervention in the form of adult led games in the library which was incredibly appropriate - it gave the other child a chance to make amends and allowed my child to realise the "perp" wasn't "evil", he just got it wrong.

Sadly, it won't be an isolated case OP. I work in a school at lunchtimes, and I'd say I have to refer incidents on that are the same as this about twice a year - you think how many other members of staff must be the same. We have to fill in a form that goes on the system for anything serious (not sure it all schools do this), also it must be referred personally to the teacher on duty and if not I'd be looking for the child's teacher or someone from senior leadership team.

I am also surprised about the forced apology. It is pointless and was likely to trigger the reaction it got.