To ask him to stay home

[Crystallizedring]

I haven't slept tonight. I'm not sure why. Today, well yesterday I suppose, was quite stressful. I got mediation sorted for DS EHCP and sorted out a time/place to meet with school.
I'm not sure if it's the stress keeping me awake.
DS is 4 but apart from physically is more like a 2 year old. Would it be really unreasonable to ask DH to go in late to work so I can get some sleep this morning. DS is actually already awake so unlikely I'll be able to sleep now unless DH agrees to start work later.
However is that selfish/unreasonable? I'm a SAHM so it's not like it have to do anything apart from take DS out for a few hours to try and tire him out.
My head is pounding and I feel exhausted. I could probably sleep now if DS wasn't awake.
I'm being unreasonable to ask him to stay home aren't I? Think I'm too tired to think straight.

Thought as much. Thank you..

I don't think it's selfish or unreasonable. The worst that happens is you ask and he says no. Even as someone who doesn't sleep a lot, a night of zero sleep is absolutely miserable. If he's able to start late then great, and if not, at least you tried. Either way, hope you manage to catch up on sleep at some point and that today isn't too bad

Yes YABU. It’s difficult, I did years of parenting a disabled child who did not sleep, so have BTDTGTTS but DH needs to be able to work. You’ll get through the day.

I suppose I can just ask him. He's not going to put his job at risk by saying he can start later if his manager says no
I'm more worried about taking DS out on no sleep than anything and I do have to take him out otherwise he'd be awake at about 2 o clock. Normally DS sleeps until 5:30, typical he's awake early today..
I hesitate to ask DH because the whole reason I gave up work was to look after DS which is a bit pointless if DH still has to take time off. Think I might be in bed by 6 I clock tonight.

I wouldn't. No.

Of course you can ask him to stay!

I wouldn't

If it's a one off and it's not a big deal re his work then I don't see a problem.

It's fine to ask. Doubt DH's workplace would crumble if he's a couple of hours late.

I wouldn’t. I’d save it for occasions when you’re sick. Take it easy and I hope you sleep better tonight !

If youre terribly tired and feel that you can not go through your day, you should ask for help. And a person who cares about you, would try to help.

You need to be able to care for him safely.

He said no but anyway it didn't matter because next door neighbour was yelling at the cat at 7:05 and then about 20 minutes later she and her teenager son went having a row so doubt I'd have got much sleep.
Don't know why I asked him, knew he'd say no (which isn't entirely unreasonable).

Take him to soft play and go get yourself a coffee 💐

I think your tiredness got the better of you, you know he can’t take time off at the last minute so he can do childcare whilst you sleep. You both rely on that job

He actually can take time off at the last minute and has done before for non emergency things ( his work are incredibly flexible) but it doesn't matter now. He decided to go in and like I said not an unreasonable decision.
Soft play would be great except he doesn't really like it and will want me to crawl round after him

As he can easily be flexible in his job, I think he was a bit mean to leave you to it when you're so tired. Did he give a reason?
I'd be handing over DS when he comes home later and try to have a bit of a kip.

I will be doing this, depending what time he gets home at
No reason but as I hear a lot on here no is a complete sentence.

Unreasonable.
You will survive one day after a rubbish nights sleep. Surely you did it when your son was a baby?
An early night and you’ll be fine.

I think most of the posters here have replied based on your lack of sleep rather than you being overwhelmed by navigating the EHCP / SEN / support (or lack thereof!) systems. Yes, asking DH to stay home so that you can catch up on one night of lost sleep would be unreasonable, but asking your partner for support when you feel completely overwhelmed is totally reasonable. It’s tough OP, really really tough. I hope you get support soon.

Does your 4yo attend any kind of preschool /nursery? Might be good to give you a little bit of a break.

When he was a baby he napped in the day. He didn't climb on furniture, try to fly off the top of the sofa, try to break the child proof locks or snack me. It's not the same thing comparing a 4 year old who is more like a toddler in understanding and emotions to a baby.
But yes I obviously will cope because I have to.

It has been a very stressful few days and I haven't really slept well for a long time. I worry about DS waking and me not hearing especially as he can undo the baby gates, I worry about meetings and the EHCP. It all falls to me which is fine because I'm at home but I'm struggling with the mental load and a lost night of sleep doesn't help. DH says he understands but he really doesn't because he isn't the one dealing with it. It's like me saying I understand when he's had a shit day and a row with his boss. I wouldn't say that because it's not me dealing with it.

I get it. I really do. Take it easy OP. I hope you get a chance to rest today.

<unmumsnetty hugs>