Sick of always being the one who has go ask for play dates

[sial]

We moved to a new area almost 3 years ago and have found it quite challenging to make connections.

I've really put myself out there, meeting mums at the park, using the peanut app.

My DD is finally at preschool and we have a class WhatsApp and I see a lot of mums around and DD asks for play dates with friends etc.

But it just always seems to be me who has do ask. We do the play date and then if I don't ask again, they don't ask. It's a bit frustrating. They'll happily come and do something if I ask, but no one ever reaches out to me to ask us first.

I've created a group of girls who play together and it's the same on there too. Unless I ask, nothing happens.

I'm really sick of always being the one to go begging for play dates.

Is it just me ? Should I just keep doing it for my DD ?

I get it. I'm in the process of having to accept I'm around people who don't really need me but I need them if I'm going to provide my DC with appropriate socialisation outside of the family unit. When you feel frustrated focus on what your child needs and try not to dwell too much on whether the situation is fair to you. Obviously it isn't but you can't change it.

Same, I’ve arranged one group playdate, otherwise Dd tends to have playdates with her best friend, the mum and I have an easy relationship so it’s pretty straightforward for me. Otherwise I’m a really socially awkward person.

Honestly I know it’s annoying but it’s probably a good thing that you are proactive. We are super busy, DD has activities after pre-school everyday and weekends I often want to just flop. But if someone suggests a playdate I will always go. Some of us need a little shove. Keep doing what you are doing, there will be parents who are grateful that you bother. I definitely would be. You may find over time people become more confident about suggesting something.

I moved to a new area and then had a baby after about a year. I have gradually met other mums through NCT then standing around outside pre school chatting and eventually the school itself. School was easier because you’re seeing each other consistently and there are these whole class parties where parents all stayed ( didn’t just drop and go) for the reception year so there will be opportunities to expand your network coming up. When I was growing up friends just came to call for you and we played in the street. The only places I’ve seen that around here have been in small blocks of flats where they have communal gardens and the kids all play. Sadly I’ve always had to generate those opportunities for my DD.

Yeah it was the same where I grew up. It was just really easy.

We've had lots of group parties this year already and have had a lot of school stuff going on. So we see each other a fair bit and the kids usually play together for a bit at pick up as well.

It's nice and friendly for sure, much different to when my DD was at a private day nursery.

Hopefully eventually I won't be the one asking anymore and people will also ask to do stuff.

This. People don’t want to do it at that age as it takes hrs out of their day to sit around making small talk, whether they are comfortable chatting or not - it’s not productive. It’s much easier when they are older and you can drop them off and leave. You’ll find people are much more willing then. Just cut back on the play dates. Sounds like you are verging on the exhausting with them

Stick with it. As this thread illustrates, there are lots of people who just aren't bothered about playdates, and you can gradually weed those out. Once school starts, playdates become a thing, and you will find out which families DO want to do playdates, and get into a nice easy cycle with them. I would also focus on individual playdates rather than groups.

Playdates and teatime club have been really important for cementing friendships (more so because we live in London and just playing out is less common).

Ah, you've had the introverts out in force for you OP.

We did loads of play dates at this age; in groups or individual. I used to find it slightly frustrating being organiser, particularly when other mums would pester about when I was setting up the next one. Where I most see benefits as he's got older is general social skills, but also resilience in playing with others. DS has a LOT of friends, so if one kid is sick / grumpy / caught up with another kid - he just goes off to other friends. Some of the others get ever so upset when their one friend has a new best friend, because their social circle is smaller. I'm sure they'll all grow out of it, but it's nice not to have the upset.

Still, time has moved on and there is a core group now where multiple mums suggest things, so we have a bunch of extra invites. We meet just as mums too; a core group of us chat and meet a lot with kids but we can have up to 20 at a meet-up session just for mums, none of whom would ever think to organise it themselves. They are still lovely, so worth keeping the doors open.

Thank you and to be fair, the mums often ask me about our next meet up in person and sort of nudge me to organise something in our group. So it's not entirely unreciprocated.

I guess I wish they would just initiate it themselves in the group too. I'm sure it will come in future and things will fall into place.