To raise this with school?

[TGendofterm]

DD is coming to the end of her first year at secondary school. It’s been a bumpy ride. She is very likely ASD and struggles a bit socially. She was being bullied by a girl and also had some challenges understanding all instructions from her form tutor. The combination of the two made her very unhappy and I had to take her into school sobbing every day for a period of time.

We’ve made changes around where she spends breaks, she takes a different bus route and she’s changed forms. Things finally seem to have settled over the last few weeks and she’s made a couple of friends.

She has come home upset today saying several children from her old form have said someone asked why she moved form and the form tutor said ‘she was being bullied by someone’. This has put the spot light right back on her and people have been asking all day what’s happened and who it was etc.

AIBU to think this was a really inappropriate thing to say? Aside from the fact I don’t think that information should have been shared. The said bully wasn’t even in her form so is not the reason she moved forms.

Of course it was inappropriate answer and any info on this shouldn’t be shared. What on earth the tutor thought??? He/ she should have cut this conversation straight away.
I would carefully check the wording with your DD in case if bullying was mentioned by students and tutor failed to deny it rather than confirmed it. And then I’ll raise the concern with the school.

My DD wasn’t there so can’t confirm the wording herself. It was the old form tutor that said it, she said several children have asked her about it today and one has messaged her about it.
I guess that’s why I am less sure as she didn’t hear it herself. It’s second hand information.

To those voting IABU, why?

Yes, speak to the head of year. But also don’t just believe that what a group of yr7 told other yr7 a teacher had told them is the correct version of what the teacher said.

Ahh, sorry I thought it was the new tutor. I would be super careful in this case as it might be students implying rather then tutor saying something.
However I would still mention this to school more along the lines that there are rumours and Dd is upset and need an advice how to cope with this etc etc.
is she under SEN team or maybe there is a pastoral team?
Feel for you. Unfortunately you can’t guarantee that all tutors will handle things 100% correctly however trained they are on paper.

Yes she’s under the SEND team and has pastoral contact.
It’s very frustrating as the tutors communication style was one of the reasons she moved.
I suspect she has said it. After half term one. DD got pupil of the term for her form. The certificate said something alone the lines of ‘X has settled in really well to the form despite her additional needs’ or something similar. Wasn’t sure that was appropriate either but let that go as we were early into the school journey and hadn’t encountered any other issues at that stage.

They sound a bit clueless in SEN area. Sorry @TGendofterm It looks like you need to change your tactic and become more demanding (staying polite of course)
I tried to let go some things at secondary at first and it didn’t help, Ime it never does.

I think it’s this specific teacher as opposed to the school generally. SENDCO team are pretty good generally but yes I think your right about not letting anything go.