To expect a thank you for making plans and reservations?

[Celia24]

I've been with my partner for about a year and I've noticed that when I make dinner reservations or whatever else he doesn't thank me.

I always thank him for making reservations for various things.

Today I paid for cinema tickets and reserved a table at a nice restaurant for this weekend. He didn't say thanks or acknowledge this at all. Is it so difficult? Can I say something or is it pointless

If I cook a meal, he says thanks. But not for booking things. I always do it because it shows I'm appreciating him. For me it's just a small way of nurturing the relationship.

Tell him that then. He's not a mind reader and obviously has different ideas on manners then you.

I don't know that my husband and I thank each other for making reservations. It seems like you might be looking for things to be offended about.

Not really @CloudywMeatballs

I thought it was the norm to thank each other for making plans but sounds like maybe it isn't. I wanted to see what others are like.

It depends .. I probably wouldn't specifically thank my DP for booking something. Depends on what it was I guess.
He maybe doesn't see this as an act of care /love .. whereas you do. Different love languages?

TBH, it’s such a small thing it wouldn’t occur to me.

@Andwegoroundagain it could be different love languages...

Mine is words of affirmation and then physical affection. So that's likely why it bothers me so much.

His seem more like actions, gift giving and physical affection. Could be a way to open up the conversation I suppose.

Does he also make plans or does he use you like his social secretary?

@mewkins he also makes plans. Out of all my partners he has been the best at doing this.

I think I'm annoyed because we are both rushed off our feet this week but I took the time to do these things. It's fine because it's my turn really.

This honestly seems like you're just looking for problems. As a one off special occasion then yes I'd say thank you but not if booking tables etc was a common occurrence which is sounds like it is.

Did he ask you to? Then YANBU
If this is something you take turns doing and it evens out then YABU

So do you perform as many actions and indulge him in gift giving as much as he does you?

DH and I are very good at saying thank you for small everyday things but I’m not sure we consistently would for booking something.

I don't know that I'd think him for making reservations, if I said thank you, it's more likely to mean thanks for letting me know.

I doubt DH ever thanked me. It was just something I did.

I don't think me and my husband have ever really thanked each other for booking a restaurant/ movie etc. It's just such a tiny task to do, it's barely worth mentioning.

I think if you both equally do it then that's a good sign. Maybe make a point of saying thanks when he does it.

Sorry OP but I think you're the one who is slightly unusual here.

There's nothing wrong with the way you feel (it's all subjective) - but most people don't attach such meaning to such tasks as small as booking a table at a restaurant.

To most people that's just a tiny, 30-second job to tick off a list, not really a way to 'nurture the relationship'. It's a pretty insignificant thing to most people. I couldn't say I care less whether I or my husband do things like this as long as they're done, and it's not something I would really think to thank him for. I might say thanks if I was in the room whilst he was doing it, but I wouldn't go out of my way and wouldn't expect him to either.

If it matters this much to you then that's OK, but you need to communicate it, because it's a bit unusual.

Good God! Where would it end?

If we heartily thanked each other for just cracking on with everyday stuff then our lunch hour today would have gone like;

Thanks for booking the Airport Lounge Mrs M
Thanks for sorting the Travel insurance Mr M
And thanks for checking the passports and EHICs haven't expired Mrs M
Oh but thanks for getting the suitcase out of the loft Mr M
But thank YOU for buying the packing cubes Mrs M
Oh but I thank you for writing the packing list Mr M
But not as many thanks as I give you for arranging the airport taxi Mrs M
But I thank you even more for booking the airport hotel Mr M
And thank you for making sure there's shopping in for the (adult) kids and animals, Mrs M
Well thank you for putting the wash on so that our clothes are dry in time Mr M
etc etc!

So no, a standard booking of routine cinema trip/meal out when generally its a shared load really, really doesn't need any special thanking.

I have thanked DH for a special treat - like booking Swan Lake and a hotel for my birthday. I don't think I have thanked him for randomly booking a meal though and I'm wouldn't expect thanks if I did ir

YABU
Reads to me like you are looking for something to be offended by, or cross about.

Whether is it dh and me, or me and a friend, I don't thank them for booking a table. Nor does anyone thank me when I do it. It's just a small task that one person says 'I'll give them a ring' or 'I'll book it no, on-line'. it's hardly an effort.

I would thank someone prolifically if they arrange a whole group of people to get together (eg a work night out, or a reunion or a hen do or any other meet up that is a nightmare to accommodate a large group), but not one of 2 people going saying they'd book it.

I suspect you are a bit of an outlier here and rather needy to want thanking for that - especially, as you say, he does his fair share too.

I would probably expect a thanks if the booking/arrangement was done as a gift or a nice surprise for my OH, like ‘I’ve booked us into such and such restaurant for a meal on your birthday’.
But if it’s something we’ve been discussing that we are both aware of and it’s just a matter of one of us making the booking we would probably have discussed who was going to do it and I wouldn’t expect a thanks for that sort of thing really.

It's a strange hill to die on.

No we don't specifically thank each other for regular things we have done or received for 25 years and still won't in 50

Depends - if he’d booked us a weekend away at the Georges V in Paris with dinner in a Michelin starred restaurant then yes, of course I thank him. If we were having a chat about going out for tea and I phoned the local Bella Italia then no, that’s a really minor thing. If you’d arranged the meal, tidied the house, booked the babysitter, paid for the meal and the babysitter then yes, you should get thanks.