Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance

28 replies

NameChangeIH · 10/07/2024 13:11

My sister has told me that our parents have written our sibling out of their Wills. This sibling went NC with all of us over a decade ago.
I would like to know what you would do when our parents pass away. Would you transfer some of your inheritance to the NC sibling?

OP posts:
Wakemeup17 · 10/07/2024 13:13

Not enough details. Why did the sibling go NC with the parents?

Original poster
NameChangeIH · 10/07/2024 13:15

I don't know the reason for the NC. My sister doesn't know either but suggests they could be in a controlling relationship. My parents don't seem to know either.

OP posts:
BookArt · 10/07/2024 13:15

Depends on the reason for NC if I am honest.

I think as a parent I would find it very hard to do a will in that manner, that is the final nail in the coffin for a relationship with your child and I struggle to think of a reason where I write off all hope of ever reconciling with one of my children. But again, this depends on the NC reason.

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 10/07/2024 13:17

Do you have a relationship with them?
Personally No I wouldn't, to me inheritance is representative of the relationship you had with the person.

No relationship. No money.

UltramarineViolet · 10/07/2024 13:20

If there is suspicion that the NC sibling is in controlling relationship then I can see what you feel uneasy about them being disinherited

Can you speak directly to your parents to get a better understanding of their wishes and their knowledge of the NC sibling's circumstances

anon4net · 10/07/2024 13:20

I think it would very much depend on why no contact

  • abuse from parents to sibling
  • abuse/coersion from a partner that doesn't 'allow' relationship with family/friends

Both of those would make me more inclined to share.

Ten years is a long time, maybe this sibling feels shame at having had to walk away, go NC. Has anyone tried to contact them recently? I'd be inclined to try in the situation you describe where it's likely to be related to a controlling partner...

Curtainnovice · 10/07/2024 13:26

So your sibling cut off the whole family, but none of you know why?
have you reached out to them?

I would worry about inheritance if you get any tbh

Gorgonemilezola · 10/07/2024 13:29

Only problem is if sibling is in a controlling relationship, if they inherited the 'controller' would be likely to take the funds.

If you feel strongly that sibling deserves a share you could keep it for them until their situation improves.

Original poster
NameChangeIH · 10/07/2024 13:36

I have no relationship with my NC sibling at all now. It's been kind of strange because nothing happened, no big falling out or anything, as far as I know. He never contacts us nor contacts my parents. He's not a bad person, at least from what I remember of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangeIH · 10/07/2024 13:37

Gorgonemilezola · 10/07/2024 13:29

Only problem is if sibling is in a controlling relationship, if they inherited the 'controller' would be likely to take the funds.

If you feel strongly that sibling deserves a share you could keep it for them until their situation improves.

I did wonder about this.

OP posts:
Molone · 10/07/2024 13:37

If they’ve been written out it’s because that’s what your parents want, I wouldn’t go against their wishes.

Original poster
NameChangeIH · 10/07/2024 13:38

Molone · 10/07/2024 13:37

If they’ve been written out it’s because that’s what your parents want, I wouldn’t go against their wishes.

I also think this.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2024 13:46

I wouldn't even think about it until I had the money.
A lot of things can happen before you inherit so once/if you do then decide if you want to share with your sibling

NomadAlone · 10/07/2024 13:52

Watch your back too as your parents could do the same to you if you do something they don’t approve of.

WeekendFreedom · 10/07/2024 13:55

NameChangeIH · 10/07/2024 13:15

I don't know the reason for the NC. My sister doesn't know either but suggests they could be in a controlling relationship. My parents don't seem to know either.

when this NC started did anyone try to keep contact with him? Seems abit odd that there’s suspicion of someone being in a controlling relationship and they are just left to it. If that was was my sibling, son or daughter and I thought they were being controlled I couldn’t just stand by while they go NC. Obviously I know it could get to a point when you get nothing in return you give up but did anyone try to keep in contact with him?

Loapal · 10/07/2024 13:58

Surely you reached out to your sibling to find out what the issue was when they went NC?! Surely your parents discussed it with you? You must have a very bizarre family dynamic if not.

MissMoneyFairy · 10/07/2024 14:16

Gas anyone checked if he's moved away or is still alive.

Singersong · 10/07/2024 14:22

In my opinion a will is the written wishes of the deceased and people don't have the right to go against that. I see no reason why someone who has been NC for such a long time should even be informed of the death, let alone given anything as inheritance.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/07/2024 14:28

@NameChangeIH It also depends on what country you live in, regarding the rules of inheritance!

PasteldeNata78 · 10/07/2024 14:28

I would only if sibling responds to other attempts to reach out.
If they ignore you until you tell them that there's a big payday they don't deserve any of the money..

nopenotplaying · 10/07/2024 14:28

I am NC for 25+ years from my parents. I have a sister who I expect will inherit everything. I don't expect anything as I've not been part of their life. However, when they do pass away and I find out that they've written me out of the will I will find this upsetting. Odd I know. But it's the finality of it and that they on paper made that decision to disown me.

NewDogOwner · 10/07/2024 14:48

So no one ever checks up on / in with them to see if they are OK? No-one knows if your sibling is OK and why they have disappeared from your lives. This is very strange.

Flatulence · 10/07/2024 14:56

My grandmother didn't include my uncle (her son) in her will as she had 'disowned' him (the old version of NC, I suppose) because of his lifestyle choices and behaviour (nothing criminal or creepy - just very alternative like choosing to live in a squat and a collective, skirting the edge of what is socially and legally acceptable). I digress. So he wasn't included in her will.

My mother and her other siblings -who remained in contact with my uncle - decided together that they would each contribute an amount to my uncle so that he ended up with more or less the same amount as his siblings. That was a whole family decison, and it wasn't a huge amount of money either (under 20k).

Once you have any inheritance from your parents it's up to you what you do with it. You and your sibling could choose to provide some to your NC sibling or even put some in trust in case they come out of an abusive relationship.

You're not going to change your parents' minds but you and your sibling - or even you on your own - can do whatever you want with ££ once it's yours.

mamamarshmallow · 10/07/2024 15:05

It also depends where you live. In Scotland, you legally can not exclude any child from the will. I'm not sure of all the ins & outs of this yet but it's worth checking out.

AylesBuck · 10/07/2024 17:07

Same situation here. My sibling is NC with our parents for many years. Also in a controlling relationship, sibling not “allowed” to speak/visit our family. After years of trying to maintain contact, my parents gave up. They also cut sibling off their will, they don’t want the abuser to enjoy any of their money. My other sibling and I will have to respect their decision .