Am I being a dick for saying this to my parents about seeing my dd?

[Pleaseda]

I prefer to meet my parents at a cafe/garden centre/park etc to see dd. A few reasons for this, mainly that it’s nice to take dd out (I work full time and she’s 2), but also as it can get quite chaotic in my parents home. She’s running round, getting bored etc. I also like a change of scenery and to do something (spend all week working at home). Am I being a dick for saying I want to meet somewhere other than their house?

It depends on what your parents and their house is like. I love taking DS to my parent’s house - he has loads of toys there, I sit down, have a coffee. He plays with the toys and with his grandparents.

If I had to do the entertaining and there was nothing interesting there for him and my parents didn’t interact much with him, then I’d probably feel the same as you.

Depends - can you agree to do a mix?

If you never go there then they might feel quite hurt that you think their house isn't good enough for your dd

Also it's effort and cost to meet out of the home and they might not be comfortable with that

Do you invite them to yours?

are you close to them?
do they ever come to your house?

No YANBU (unless you're about to drip feed that they're terribly ill/disabled/house bound).

I agree.

If it’s difficult for any reason for them to meet outside then you are BU.

But if they are able bodied, can drive and you’re not meeting too far away etc then YANBU.

If you know they’d prefer you to come to there’s then perhaps take DD out beforehand and then just pop to theirs for 30mins or so afterwards.

bit of give and take IMO

i suspect though that you don’t get on with your parents and not close

If your parents are more sit on the settee with a cup of tea and watch your child play and chat to you rather than being hands on then I can see why you find it easier.

However, there's a special feeling in a grandparent's home which you don't really experience without spending time there, but your child is only a baby so maybe when they are older you can do a bit of both.

Indoors with a toddler is awful. I tried to never stay at home or go to people's houses when they were 1 to 4 years old.

Why do they want to stay home?

Having my granddaughters visiting my house (with my daughter or just with me for little bits of childcare) is my greatest joy. They're 1 and 4 and they love coming. The oldest one loves the 'special things' at my house, and the familiarity of the things we do together here. Her own special stool that she stands on to help me make her lunch, for instance..., it's such a simple thing, but it's special to her.

I, and they, would miss out on so much if my daughter insisted that we met somewhere else. My grandparents' house was my second home when I was a child and I love that that's happening for my DGDs too.

If you want your child to have strong relationships, then you need to play your part in building them. And if you ever need urgent childcare, then your DC needs to be familiar with, and comfortable in their GPs' home.

Probably yes. Dick.

Surely you can have a mix when you see them.

What's the relationship like with them? Does DD like seeing them? Any 2 year old will get bored without stimulation so that's more on you to bring toys etc you if visiting their house.

Are your parents mobile enough to go to those places?

On the information you've given, it's difficult for us to vote, because, as others have said, there are a lot of "it depends".

But, as you haven't said their house is filthy, or smells of cigarette smoke or weed, or that they have 2 aggressive dogs, or similar, then, yes, on the surface, it seems very odd you never pop in for an hour.

Going to the park with your Grandchild is nice, but a bit weather dependent, and it means you can't do anything else during that time.
Going places you need to pay (incl if you buy a coffee out) seems an unnecessary expense every time you see them - though of course an occasional trip is nice.

I have lovely memories of being a small child in my late grandparents houses. Being given loads of attention. Playing with ornaments. Baking with Granny. Choosing from the biscuit barrel. A box of toys kept under the stairs just for me to play with when I visit. Mum and Dad relaxed and chatting or doing jobs for their parents. Feel very lucky.

All my best memories of my tiny childhood are from the times I spent in my grandparents’ house and garden. So much so that I still dream about it, fifty years on. Unless there’s danger there, or they have completely unrealistic expectations of how a very small child should behave, why wouldn’t you want to be there, at least some of the time?

Yep, exactly the same here!

In fine weather I'd say definitely suggest outdoor meet ups. The park is free, if cost is an issue.
But in winter it would be better to go round eachothers' houses at least sometimes. As outdoor options would be limited.
Unless it's literally a health hazard round there. But you don't mention hoarding, lack of cleanliness, drinking/smoking related issues?

OP mentions a cafe or garden centre. Far harder with a toddler then their grandparents' (or a friend's) house and garden in my experience. Even my kids were small, at least twice a week, mum friends would come to mine with their little ones or is go to theirs. I don't understand the 'mum and babies/toddlers meeting in Costa' thing that sends to be current.

My little grandkids have been here today (one a toddler, one 4), and they've happily occupied themselves with 'Grandma's toys' and in the garden with the outdoor toys I keep for them. As well as interacting with them, my daughter and I were able to have a coffee and a good chat, and the kids have been relaxed and happy.