DS seeing his dad one day a week

[Tangoisbetterthanfanta]

And it’s messing up my weekends.
I have my DS 10 every other weekend(50/50 with his dad). My other DS 2 only sees his dad sat am-sun pm. Me and DS10 like to go away to our caravan at weekends but can’t as DS2 dad sees him then so I need to stay home for him to pick him up. I’ve suggested he have DS2 Friday-Sunday(even every other weekend) but he’s said no.
if we go away, I’m expected to meet him half way(which is an hour drive each way) to drop DS to him. I really can’t afford the fuel for this, and it a pain in the neck as we like to have days out and have an early start.
how can I get around this?

I’d obviously prefer to have the boys together on the weekend I have older DS so they always get to see each other at weekends

Yes you would but that's my point. It is completely unreasonable for you to ask this. All you can do is try and synchronise it when it goes out of sync for eg a special occasion or holiday and get them back in sync

Or, Id be even more assertive. Take out you can always drop off as you dont want to always be doing that.

I will be leaving Friday evening, it's up to you if you want to come and get him Friday or I have him for the weekend. I can drop him off on our way through this Friday if it’s easier. I’m afraid it is too far (and too expensive) to drive and meet you on Saturday morning as we have plans for a day out. Going forward it would be best for DS if you had him Friday - Sunday every other weekend, starting this weekend. Let me know what you would like to do.

Why would that be unreasonable?

Rubbish tbh your contact schedule shouldn't be dictated by the weather so leave that out.

I think you need to chat to your son and ask if he wants you to ask dad about him staying there Friday - Sunday or whatever it is every other week

It is unreasonable to expect one dad's contact with their son to be dependent on the other dad's contact. It will start of fine and in sync but there will be times one dad has a family thing and thst son's pattern needs to change temporarily. Fine to then try and get it back in sync but "it's your turn to have dave as Fred is going to his dad's this weekend" sucks

Every other weekend, one with you and one with dad. Kids stay together. Because this is about them and not the needs or wants of the parents.
I would communicate to dad that this will be happening moving forward. And quite frankly if dad chooses to not see his youngest then that is on him. He's using that to guilt trip you into doing what dad wants and not what is best for the kids.
If you have a solicitor then get them to send the letter.
And if it ends up in court then your arguenebt is fair and putting the kids first. His arguments revolves around himself.
It's time for you to not let him decide everythibg which I know is hard given it appears that has been the status quo. You can do this. Good luck!

It’s definitely fine to keep the boys together. If there’s an exception then fine for the odd time, but don’t change the pattern!

All good points. I hope it doesn’t get to the stage of solicitors and courts as it’s all been amicable to this point. Apart from the hiccup when I dared go to the CSA but that’s another thread.
with DS10, his dad and I have had the same arrangement for years now. His weekends, I assume, work with his partners children seeing their dad. If we swap weekends, we always go back to the original rota.

I’ve actually edited the message a bit as the full details are quite outing. I haven’t mentioned the weather to him

Do the dads have other kids?

The kids are individuals it's fine for them not to be together all the time

I would also not offer to drop him off. He will expect this every time

Of course it’s fine for them not to be together all the tIme, but if one is 10 and one is 2, the 10 year old will be at school all week. if they have contact with their other parent on alternative weekends…they’ll never see each other either.

at the moment the 2 year olds dad is having him every sat/sun, so if it’s going to move to every other weekend, what difference will it make to dad what weekend it starts on 🤷‍♀️

Then I’d just say that to him every other weekend, then he gets a full weekend with you if his dad decides not to get him and the following weekend have the usual plan of sat am - sun pm

I said this last weekend and he just didn’t see him

Well that's on him. He can just see him alternate weekends then.

no they don’t

It's fine to start it off like that but from experience it won't stay nice and neat like that. There will be holidays, funerals, not being able to get the same time off work but can get the next off etc. Its fine to start with a rigid plan but all it takes is someone's grandma to be visiting the "wrong week" and it will go wrong.

oh absolutely and OP doesn’t sound like she’s bothered which weekend is which, but no harm in aiming for the siblings to spend time together as the goal. If that goes astray down the line on the odd occasion then that’s fine isn’t it but definitely not unreasonable to start with that

We are in agreement

It is not up to you to protect that relationship. If he cannot be arsed to parent, he will not. You can delay perhaps, but why?

you’re right… I’ve bowed to his way the entire time just for an easy life

I agree with this. You shouldn't be explaining in detail why Friday, it comes across as apologetic and hence a weakness.

I really don’t mind dropping DS off as it is on our way.

Sure but keep it short and snappy. Don't explain why you're doing what you're doing (and thus implicitly ask for approval). Just say, this is what we're doing. I could drop off if you like, if not then not. Etc etc.