Celebration assembly

[User364837]

Fully prepared to be told IABU and to give my head a wobble,
Just needed to get this off my chest rather than venting to school.

they have celebration assemblies in dds primary school and over the year every child is celebrated for something,
DD has been asking me through the year and I’ve reassured her her time will come,
she has ASD and gets really anxious about going into school. She’s not an academic high flyer, she’s not that articulate and doesn’t get picked to have lines or readings ever.

she had a tough start to the year but over the course of the year has gone from crying at the door and needing to be physically guided in and away from me by the teacher, to walking in independently most days without me, I’m so proud of her. I’m also told she’s made great progress with her work too.

as it’s getting close to the end of the school year she asked me again about the celebration assembly, and said that other people have been celebrated twice.

i messaged the teacher incase it had been an oversight and just said dd thought everyone got a turn and she hasn’t yet, and I just wanted to check it’s in hand or if it’s not going to happen to let me know so I can prep her.

teacher replied that there is one celebration assembly left and dd hasn’t been chosen. That there should be enough assemblies for every child to be celebrated every year but that for some reason a few didn’t get it the previous year so were done at the start of this year, and so therefore there are some that won’t have been done this year and should be done at the start of year 5.

i replied that it was all fine and I’d have a word with dd.
but the more I think about it the more upset I feel about it.
theyve said to me a number of times how confidence is an issue for dd, they know that and what an achievement it is for her to start coming in by herself. I feel really sad for her she hasn’t been chosen the whole year and that I’ve been reassuring her not to worry and her time will come… and now it won’t for this academic year.

AIBU to feel upset? Should I mention to the school that perhaps the system should be reviewed?

Oh God, that's awful. She should get an award for resilience at the very least.
I hate these things. I am so sorry OP.
All I can suggest - and I'd be very honest with the school as to why you were doing it, if it affects their stats - good! - is that you take her in later the day the assembly is and you take her for a treat/breakfast somewhere.
If you think it will screw you over then call it a mental health morning but don't subject her to another assembly, where her self-esteem will plummet.
I work in education.
Yes, kids cannot win at everything. Yes, they have to learn resilience.
But praise assemblies suck if they become elitist/ostracise others/obviously leave ones out and a child with ASC won't understand about numbers. They'll see they were not chosen for the whole school year.

Thank you for understanding.
last year she was celebrated at the end of the school year and it was for “resilience” - the teacher says a short thing about each child being celebrated. And hers was for doing sports day even though she was anxious about it and didn’t want to,
she was in tears most of that sports day and the staff who are usually lovely with her were understandably busy and not around to help.
this year I just kept her off 😞
so even last year I felt like they were scrabbling around for something to say about her. It all just feels a bit sh*t on top of the performance last week where she was one of a few kids not to get any lines or a role and just sing the songs, again.

What a shame doe your DD. I don't love the whole concept of picking one or two children and celebrating them like that anyway - we have star of the week and I have misgivings about that too even though DC has been so pleased to have it. Inevitably someone is going to be last - and everyone knows it. And unless it's managed carefully there will always be a handful of children who don't get it / only get it once etc. I think that's pretty crushing and sends an outdated message of praise for, let's be honest, a fairly arbitrary singular facet of a child's personality.

Can you speak to the teacher and ask that all the remaining children are recognised this last time? Or at the very least some acknowledgement is publicly made that there aren't enough assemblies left and so the rest WILL be done at the start of next year? It can't be difficult to arrange that can it? Honestly I think it's a bit of a poor show that they haven't taken children who struggle into account and made damn sure they are recognised earlier.

She's year 4 and you've done really well getting her in rather than her school refusing. Well done to you both.
I'd have awarded her for "confidence" in that case (if she got resilience last year). I'm also not sure why - if they do stars of the week every week - they've not got through everyone in a whole year. Or why they couldn't have had an additional assembly/batch.
Ours do pupil of the week and the sports team give out certificates each week.
They then do an end-of-year praise assembly whereby 3 per year group win something and the rest clap. Not all will get that as 21 x 7 = 147 kids from the whole cohort and that's if they pick a different 21 kids each year from R to Year 6.
In secondary, we used to have boards with all the year groups on and you'd get to pick per subject for attainment/effort/resilience with no multiple-nominees, so it was more equitable.
The students themselves are more pragmatic these days but still love it when I give them a sticker.

Thank you
I have messaged the teacher. It doesn’t sound like anything will change for the missed out children this year but I’ve asked they review how it works/communicate to the kids not everyone will be done every year so I hope they take it on board.
I just feel very sad for her but it’s part of parenting I guess and I will do my best not to show her how I’m feeling about it and to put a positive spin on it.

Carrying some over to the following year is a silly idea

I agree. New year, new start!

I thought of you today OP when I was in M+S: they have massive gold chocolate medals on ribbons there which have no.1 on them.
There's nothing stopping you getting her something like that and giving it to her on the last day of school pick-up, congratulating her on her recent independence.

I think I would organise my own surprise celebration for daughter, maybe a medal, a certificate and a tea party or something she would enjoy.

Just hearing this made me think I'll do it for my son next week now. This is awful. He's finishing reception and they have kindly flagged an Send concern to keep an eye on.

To comment on your daughter's confidence and then knock her down like this is awful. If they are unable to fit every child in then they need to revise the plan and do two kids a week so that some kids will win it to twice but everyone gets one lovely thing said about them.

Thank you that’s a really lovely idea actually, I will get myself along to M&S!
and I appreciate the support, was ready to be told I was being a bit precious but glad to know others think it hasn’t been handled brilliantly.

i feel bad for those who were missed out last year!

I should’ve said as well they do do star of the day/week I think too but these celebration assemblies are more special as the parents get a text asking them to come in and be there at the assembly when their child is being celebrated, and the teacher says infront of the juniors assembly something lovely about the child.

Honestly I despair sometimes. No wonder so many SEN children struggle to attend school.

It would be such a little thing to add another few awards on to the assembly so that every child is recognised for achieving something. There's nothing stopping the teacher or the school doing that at all. They are choosing not to.

I know in real, adult life not everyone can win, but these are young children and more often than not it will be the children that could really benefit from a confidence boost that are missed off.

Do you have a decent SENCO? Perhaps contact her and express your concerns about the detrimental impact of being missed out will have. Remind them your DD struggles to attend and that you would like to work with the school on strategies that will help her confidence and make school a less stressful place for her to be. Being treated fairly at an award ceremony would be one of those strategies.

Oh we have these every week and it fraught with issues. I think you were right to raise it and give them feedback.

Gosh that‘s sensible. Id have gone batshit at the poor lack of planning and lazy choosing. And this is probably why my children primary were glad to see the back of me.

Probably unconventional advice but, here goes. Keep her off to go and do something she enjoys together. Then have a certificate “from school” magically arrive in post that afternoon as she wasn’t in so “they posted it home”…..

Well… I have now emailed the head after I got a pretty meh response from the class teacher, phrasing as “could you review how these are done” sort of thing, but I am secretly hoping she’ll be surprised too that not everyone got celebrated this year and sort something out 🤞. Will see what she comes back with,
the other teacher just reeled off other ways dd had been celebrated like her table winning at something and star of the week, which is lovely too but not the same as the celebration assembly in front of your parents and its just the principle that all year she’s been patiently waiting for her turn, which I reassured her would come!

Well, at first I was disappointed for your DD but now I'm enraged! That's really really poor from the class teacher - how can she not understand that all the children will have been waiting excitedly until it's their turn?? And then for some of them to find out that it won't be because they're... not special enough? Is that the message they're sending as a school? I don't see how you can view it any other way. That's awful. Keep her off and get her her own medal. Get her 2!

There are 39 teaching weeks in the year. Enough for each child to be celebrated once. I think this is dreadful. (Parent and Teacher).

That is really bad OP, also the carry it over sounds like bull shit and if it's not then your daughter should be first in the queue in September.

…and like they couldn’t have just added her on this week? 🤷🏻‍♀️ What would that have taken? Not much.

What is their school vision? Does it say something about everyone achieving and thriving? Or being cared for and happy? Or something about being a big family? I would remind them of that when you tell them how disappointed you are with their approach to ‘celebrating’ children. Especially those with SEND.

I know
but it’s like someone else said up thread - new year fresh start.
she’s worried about the change going into year 5 so there’s likely to be some regression with going in in the mornings.
it’s just going not going to be meaningful to celebrate at that point when things might not be going well, or relate it back to a couple of months earlier,

I would like them to add her on, but then feel bad for any other kids in the same position who perhaps haven’t been monitoring it and feeding back to their parents about it as much as dd!

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. When my DD12 was in nursery, they had an assembly every Friday where two children
received a certificate. I spoke to my daughters teacher towards the end of the year when several children had their 2nd turn to be told “they need to do something to be proud of for a certificate”

this was nine years ago and is still stuck in my head to this day. My DD was a pleasant amenable member of the class, who was bright and enjoyed nursery. There was no way you couldn’t have found something to reward her for….and even if she was the devil, to not be able to find one proud
moment says more about the adult in my
opinion.

I think I’d got her back up by asking (nicely) and I don’t think it was about my daughter at all, she was just one of the children that drew no particular attention as she was a blender.

I’d absolutely advocate for your child and maybe say some kids could cope with being rolled over to next year but I’m disappointed you didn’t realise that it meant a lot to DD

I agree it's nonsense and I don't even think it's true which is why if you say to the teacher 'oh great so it'll be her turn in September' and watch them squirm.
It's not acceptable.

Small school here, exact same. I've sat tight all year. Getting more annoyed.

Dd was moved in as the catchment school had only her and teacher daughter.

Six in this class. Six celebrated parents assemblies, by coincidence, same child, one of six children each time. Her aunt works at the school.

Now she's a bright, clever girl. But they are five, and are all super. The winning child actually caused a fair amount of distress and upset term one, and the others were so kind. Yet she won the first term for perseverance, not them for kindness.

One of the kids has Down syndrome. Two, age five made a stand on sports day and ran with her. The bright girl won everything, and the award.

The best one was Easter, when it was given to her for reading proper books. That one prompted a query from a lovely autistic boy who politely put his hand up and said are all books not proper.

I've emailed the school in the same terms as you, what is criteria, how could we open this up, not just to my child but to all. No response.

The issue is so child specific as well. The child of mine in the same class IS harmed by this. She does take it sooooo personally and she is absolutely doing her best at all times. Yet at age five she is saying, no point because x will win.

Her siblings, the next one couldn't care less, no interest in celebrating anything. Just not on radar. The next two who knows. A little small yet.