Ex husband and child’s health

[Temporaryname158]

I wonder if you can tell me if IABU.

ex husband took our daughter to the doctors last week and she has been referred to paediatric medicine. Except he hasn’t told me any of this happened. I have only found out after a text from the doctors and calling them.

we share custody 50:50 but he is secretive and controlling and this isn’t the first time it’s happened.

any advice?

Contact the GP and pediatric services. Explain that you and your ex have 50:50 shared custody, and request that both parents are advised of appointments/referrals/ copied in any relevant correspondence.

I don't think your GP practice would be able to contact you each time an appointment is made. Reception staff would not be aware of which parents are separated, divorced or together (none of their concern unless safeguarding issue) and frankly they are far too busy to deal with warring parents unable to communicate with each other.

If both parents have 'parental responsibility' then either can attend appointments and it would be up to them to inform the other of any referrals, medication etc

NHS aren't set up to inform both parents unfortunately. Do you use a parenting app to communicate? All appointments and important health info should be shared on there. I would message saying 'I would appreciate you letting me know if you take daughter to the doctor and the outcome and I will do the same.' have everything in writing to build that picture. Court want both parents to be kept informed and above medical things.

I would also get the log in for the GP and NHS apps for your daughter if dad doesn't have them. But again, only one parent can have access.

My exh had to be specifically told by a judge to keep me informed. After a potential dangerous situation he delayed in telling me. Utter twat.

@Julyshouldbesunny gosh I’m sorry to hear he was such a dick and risked your child’s health, that’s awful! One upmanship at the detriment of the child. This is exactly the same, and secrecy to appear the ‘better’ parent

The added twat factor was he drove past my new house to take ds to hospital.. Dr showed his disgust at his behaviour when I eventually got there..
Same loving df who denied another dc had ME and made me miss an important appointment with him. Hid my car keys.. Thankfully and I feel no shame saying it - the bastard is dead now.

Do you have a good lawyer? Maybe time to get them involved?