School day trips drama

[AliceKeely]

Several months back my 14 year old DD opted to do 4 day trips for her school summer activities week - coming up next week - rather than do a residential. She's pretty quiet with just a couple of good friends who she signed up with after they agreed it between them. Fast forward to final arrangements and the trip is split in two, with her in one cohort and her two pals in the other. So, she's off to a theme park, Go Ape, trampolining etc without them! I did ask for a swap and the teacher did very promptly look into it, but responded it's fully booked, so can't be done, She suggested my daughter go see her to check the trip list and find a friend. DD knows everyone is sorted for friends and is embarrassed to go see teacher to try to 'find her a friend' (she's 14 and I can sympathise!)
I'm not sure what I'm asking really - just AIBU to feel f**ked off on her - and my - behalf? It's supposed to be a fun week, has cost me several hundred quid, and she's pretty stoical but now I can see she's dreading it. I know it's good to face challenges growing up, and yes she might well find some kindly girls to go round with, but school should really have sorted this better. Would anyone stamp their feet more? At least give feedback to sort it better in future? I just feel pissed off! (I mean I LOVE Flamingoland - even at my age - but even I wouldn't want to go round it on my own, especially at 14!!)

honestly, this is just life. Your daughter should go and enjoy it and not have to feel she has to be with a friend. What will she do as she gets older? She is 14. What about when she wants to go to university or to work?
Your role as a parent is to help her in her journey to being an independent functioning happy individual. This is just one small thing on that journey. Embrace it and dont big it up beyond what it is, thereby exacerbating what is essentially a small issue.

Exactly. Just read any of the thousands of threads about the lack of resilience in young adults and you'll see the need for mildly uncomfortable experiences like this. Sometimes things don't happen just the way you want. That's life.

I went on something similar at that age and knew no one, all the kids going in my group were in different groups at school and not people I would ever have mixed with! I didn't want to go because my friends weren't going but my mum literally forced me on the bus. Anyway, I met some new friends on the bus there and it ended up being a nice week. I stayed friends with a couple of them, one of the boys even became my boyfriend 🤣. I actually saw one of the girls in the supermarket the other day and we laughed about our mutual school holiday with kids exhaustion. I was painfully shy at times and I think it did me good to branch out from my own small circle of friends.

I'd be upset for her too and pretty annoyed. School should have thought it through better. It was always happening to all 3 of mine, because other people caused fuss or parents used to go in and make a big scene that they had to be with particular people because of x,y,z and my kids generally got on with everyone it always felt like they got stuck anywhere there was a gap because they would deal with it and not make a fuss and it's not fair as they would then often never get to be with their closest friends etc happened so many times

Very petty of the admin organiser, if you found a willing swap and the teacher doesn't care. Shouldn't be doing the job, if it's not within their capacity to adjust their names list, I mean what a ejiit.

Honestly I’d just get the two girls to show up for the other trips on the day. It’s not like they need a passport. Just both of them go to the trip they want to I’m sure they wouldn’t throw your daughter off the bus.

Please OP do not do this. If the student isn’t on the trip list for that day they cannot go!

In my children’s school the year groups are split in two and it’s perfectly feasible to have not met children in the other half of the year.

i would imagine the school wouldn’t allow her to walk around a theme park in her own

our school have a 3 person minimum rule
incase of any issues
so if anyone gets injured or sick
one stays with them and the other goes for help

I feel for her. It happened to me at age 13 and I still remember it now. I did tag onto another group of girls, but felt completely ill at ease all day.

I’m a teacher and a parent to 14 & 16 yr old girls. And the groups thing is a nightmare from both sides. But, I have to say as a parent I’ve had the same problem (and I work at the school!!!) and my youngest has been the only one of her friends on a coach/in a room/in a group before and was devastated. And having paid plenty for it I was pretty pissed off too!! Honestly, it doesn’t sound like they planned it very well, and if it’s cost a lot and she no longer wants to go, I’d make more fuss.

This sounds horrific to me personally and as a teen there’s zero chance I would have gone. Why can’t school sort something I’m sure they could. Just swap another group of friends over to the other coach.

The fact she found her own swap and they wouldn’t accommodate is petty and shows a lack of care for her wellbeing. Then again I’m biased because I had to wander around abroad, alone on a school trip and I hated every second. I think you might have said it was today so I hope all has gone well for her anyway.

if I’d asked when the allocations were first made it could have been accommodated (I did ask and got no reply).

Based on this, I'd escalate to the head. Take copies of the correspondence with you.

My daughter is 14.

When she was in y7 she was 1 of 5 girls chosen to go to Alton towers as a reward.

The other 4 girls were two sets of friends. It was awful. Had we known I wouldn't have sent her.

She had to go to tell the teacher that she had no one to be with. The teacher sent her to one set. They said they didn't want her. She went back to the teacher and she sent her to the other set. They didn't talk to her the whole day. She phoned me while there but didn't tell me as she knew I'd be upset.

They always say groups are random but why is it usually some are with lots of friends and some with non. It's happened to both my dds currently y7 and y9.

I'm so glad you have your daughter's back on this, OP.

I went on a four day residential aged 14/15 doing team building activities (which I hated anyway) and they deliberately split up friendship groups so that we had to work with kids we didn't know as well. I was put with three girls I'd fallen out with two years earlier so that went as well as can be expected. They were basically allowed to bully and make fun of me the whole time. Even the instructor laughed when I fell flat on my back trying some horrendous assault course. I was feeling physically quite vulnerable as well as I'd gained weight and was slightly overweight, and it was the sort of stuff that I'd never done before and made me nervous, I have always had vertigo and hate anything involving climbing, assault courses, orienteering or camping. I just got called fat the whole time. It really dented my confidence and made me thoroughly detest the final two years of school - couldn't wait to get out to a separate sixth form college.

Later I came to absolutely adore the countryside and the outdoors as long as no climbing, assault courses or dreaded team building activities are involved!

So the admin is over-ruling the teacher in charge of the trip?

I cannot think of a single admin aspect of the trip that relies on it being the initially named children only, with no swap possible. And I ran school trips for nearly four decades.
I imagine that the teacher is pretty annoyed, too.

Aw I feel for you- and her.
Im a teacher and whenever organising groups for school trips/bedrooms for residential etc we ALWAYS think about who is friends with who.
I think you should ask for a swap. I’m sure they could do something. Like you say, you’re paying for this, and you want her to enjoy it bless her. Hopefully someone can help you :)