To ask if you’d be offended if you were gifted…

[musingmondays]

Just this, nothing else. Family member gave it to me and didn’t say much other than ‘picked this up for you’

It’s one of those hair masks in a bottle which describes itself as intensive conditioner for damaged and frizzy hair. The last time I saw this person I had straightened my hair but it had rained so my hair probably was a bit fluffy. They wouldn’t usually give me things like this and nor would I them.

I thought it was nice all afternoon but now I’m wondering if they were making a point! I don’t care enough and not particularly offended but just curious what you’d think if you received the same and whether I’m being overly cynical

YABU - will have just been a nice thing
YANBU - that’s probably them making a point nicely!

I think you are over thinking it don't think about it anymore and use it or not.

I’d find it a bit odd to be given without context, i.e. “last time I saw you the rain had frizzed your hair, I find this helps my hair when it rains” etc; but I wouldn’t be offended, no. Hair being frizzed by humidity isn’t something anyone has any control over, it’s not some sort of personal failing. If somebody close to me had a product that helped them, I’d take it as just them trying to do a nice thing.

Given all the context you've written, I think it's likely they perceived you to have an issue with frizzy hair.

It's not so much about making a point to make you feel bad, I don't think, but to be supportive in helping you address what might be a problem.

I guess that could be considered offensive but I would try to focus on the 'trying to be helpful' aspect!

Gifted is a special ability, not a bastardisation of 'to be given'

This is the sort of random gift I get from my mam. In fact I have a tube of deep conditioner she gave me only a few days ago.

I know her and I know it's her way of trying to be helpful, so I don't take offence. If the relative doesn't have form for nit picking at you/your appearance I'd just let it go as them trying to do something nice.

They once bought my sister a self help book on how to be a nicer person, which is why I’m not as sure 😂

God there's always one 😆

You clearly are offended you’re so offended you even started a thread on it,

It's a bit random but I would love it if someone gave a gift like that especially if it's one they've used themselves and recommend it. Can you remember saying anything that day even something quick and insignificant like oh this rain does make my hair go frizzy because it might of stayed in their head more then yours

Some people are a bit weird at gift buying.

You get those who buy tat, those who try and fix a problem you have, those who want to pamper you and those who upgrade something you have but is worn / broken

In all cases - they thought about you and they didn’t have to get you anything at all. So turn that offended feeling into a “nice to be remembered” feeling.

And if you think it was a dig at you. Then say something like “wow this stuff is so good! My hair is gorgeous! Thank you!” Or something like that - because if they’re pathetic & want to upset you then accidentally making you feel better about your looks (even if it’s a lie) is going to backfire on them.

A bit in-between I would have thought. They noticed your hair and wanted to treat you to something nice for it.

Making a point has negative connotations, like they are judging you for it iyswim.

They saw it was a bit damaged maybe and they thought a nice treatment would be a bit of a treat.

Yep! 😄

Oh dear, having seen that she gave your sister a self help book I think it was intentional and very unkind
A birthday gift imo should be a treat, something to enjoy
I'm sorry

It’s probably something they’ve used and liked… that was my first thought.

They saw you had frizzy hair and thoughtfully bought you something to help with that. Why would that be offensive for christ sake?

I wouldn’t be offended, they obviously care enough about you to see something and think of you and buy it for you

See some people would see dig, but I’d take it and see if it works!!!

This has just reminded me of when I found an unsolicited copy of 'What not to Wear' in my pigeon hole at work!

I was hurt at the time, but it was probably a fair comment, I'm not the most stylish of people. But it was quite an expensive book to make a bitchy comment with!

Makes me laugh now to think about it!

Oh in that case 😂 I'm sure it's well meaning though !

My god that's so rude I'd not take from either Trinny or Susanna even in book form they were savage !

From all you've said, I'd take it as a passive aggressive dig at my hair

I think it was meant well and it’s addressing something they perceived as needing attention. Instead of saying your hair ends are dry or you are a frizzy head they gifted you a product to help with that. Use it if you like. I actually like feedback on my appearance. It’s hard to “see” your own hair makeup clothing. Someone else can have impartial appraisal of …that doesn’t flatter you or your makeup needs updating. I think MNs will be mostly offended by this tho..the I don’t care what you think defense.. but when my friends daughter suggested to her that I stop wearing mascara on my lower eyelashes I did it immediately and she was right. I like the simpler look better. I do give people makeovers in my mind but never mention anything because I think it’s offensive to indicate someone’s makeup is dated or hair needs six inches cut off or they are paying a lot of money for bad hair coloring.

I'd gift her something back that's equally as passive aggressive, a book on weight loss, a face wash for spots, some whitening toothpaste, anti wrinkle cream....or one of those mugs with Cunt on. 😂

I'd gift you one of the mugs I mentioned in my previous post.

They bought what?! Wow, that's a lot.

How about you gift them this book as a thank you present?