Is it weird to gift a student?

[Josbak]

Hi all
I'm a 1:1 in a school to a student with complex needs. Theyre going to a special needs secondary school in September. She's been fabulous and I'm so proud of her progress. It's my first year working in a school as I'm training to be a teacher. Anyway, it's her birthday tomorrow and I've bought her a pencil case, some pens and a seat cushion (as she's always asking for one.) It cost me about £25.
I've spoken to my colleague and she says it might come across as 'too much' and I should give her one of the gifts at the end of the year instead.
I feel a bit silly and embarrassed as I didn't realise it'd come across this way.
What are your thoughts?

The first time I read the OP I thought all of this was for an end of the year present and I was going to tell you not to do it.

On second reading, I see it's for her birthday. This is even more inappropriate. You absolutely can't give a child a birthday present. It doesn't matter how proud you are of her. I'm flabbergasted that you thought that it was a normal thing to do.

What are you going to do next year if your job is to work with a child who isn't fabulous and you aren't proud of? He won't get a £25 present because he doesn't qualify.

Part of the trust that children have in the adults that work in a school is that everyone is treated fairly.

DD has had 1-2-1 staff from reception and through to Y13 and every single one of them has given her a birthday present of some sort.

The relationship between a 121 and their student is not the same as a general class TA and the whole class.

I think it's lovely of you.

If there's any worry then perhaps hold back and give them as leaving presents / good luck at secondary presents.

DD has had 1-2-1 staff from reception and through to Y13 and every single one of them has given her a birthday present of some sort.

In the UK? And recently?

I think the colleague may be right but you have no need to be embarrassed. You have been very kind.

My DD's LSA's give her little things sometimes like pens or stickers.

My DD's LSA's give her little things sometimes like pens or stickers

The difference is that there isn't a school child in the land who hasn't earned a pen or a sticker at school. That's a normal reward.

It's not the same as two personal items for a birthday.

My DS has a 1:1 and occasionally gets gifts, but usually things cheaper things like fidget toys, colouring books or sweets. Anything over about £5 would feel like a lot/ maybe too much tbh. And would possibly put pressure on the family to reciprocate that level of spending on x-mas or end of year gifts for you, which they may or may not be able to do, especially if a perent has had to leave work to be a carer.

Totally inappropriate! I
n my area a historic sexual abuse came up against a female TA .Giving an expensive gift was one of the pieces, of evidence.

I really hope you’re not training to be an English teacher.

My son attends a special school and his teacher gave him a gift for his birthday. I thought it was lovely.

Just him or every child she taught?

And was it a £25 present?

It's genuinely concerning if an adult buys one child a £25 birthday present. I can't understand why anyone would think otherwise.

and I thought you were giving the student AS a gift from your title!

(well I didn't, but it does read that way :) )

Lovely. Just the seat cushion.

It's a small class of 6 as they have severe SEN and learn in a small environment and she got everyone one for birthdays. It was only a token item that was probably about £5 at a guess nothing big. But was a lovely gesture considering he couldn't have a birthday party as he doesn't have any friends to invite over.

I suppose, if it's just a one off for one child, it would be a bit weird - I was just thinking of my own experience. However, I understand your concern, now I think of the bigger picture, selecting one child and only gifting them something.

I give a little party bag style gift to each student in my Homeroom at the end of the school year - 28 kids, 28 identical gifts.
My school doesn’t have a policy forbidding this.
It would raise huge red flags if I were to single out one student, and spend a significant amount, in order to treat one student in a special manner.

Your gift is incredibly well meaning but could be quite problematic.

My son had a 1:1 in mainstream - same person for 2yrs. she never gave him gifts for his birthday and I would have found it a bit odd tbh, and also how would all the other kids feel who don’t have a 1:1 and therefore don’t get a gift from you for their birthday.

When he left for specialist school he did get leaving presents from school but it was from ‘the class’. 1:1 had chosen tho bc s she knew he would like, (pencil case, smelly erasers etc) and wrote him a lovely card just from her, and there was a whole class card as well. I don’t know how much it cost but I assumed they did a whip round with staff who knew him contributing if they wished (SENCO, etc)

I think £25 is too much from one person.

It's a kind thought but buying a birthday present for a student, especially spending so much money, is very unprofessional. If you are working 1:1, it's a closer relationship than a class TA but you still need to keep professional boundaries.

I spend more than that at Christmas and at the end of the year but that's because I'm buying for 30 children.

It’s a really thoughtful idea but it will be against school policy to give birthday gifts to a student, even if you only ever work with that student. It blurs the professional boundaries, and could make the student or parents feel they owe you something in return. You’re presumably employed by the school/council so are representing them, and the school needs to treat everyone equally. Instead of giving gifts, could you make her day at school special by doing some activities she enjoys?

You’re coming from a good place, but this is unprofessional. If you’re training to be a teacher you should know that.

Update as it's been ages.
After reading all your messages I didn't want to give her a present at all. But on her birthday she got multiple presents from many members of staff that work closely with her. She had a bag full, so I ran out at lunch to get some wrapping paper and gave her the seat cushion lol. Her mum brought in cakes and chocolates the next day to thank us all. All was great and she got another load of presents at the end of the year too 😂 I think the situation will really differ from school to school but we only have 20 students in each class at this school in a tiny village. Most of the teachers know a lot of the parents personally. It was my birthday recently and a few students brought me chocolates and little homemade gifts which was adorable. I gave them all homemade thank you cards.
And no I'm not training to be an English teacher lol, I just can't really be bothered to focus on my grammar on a mumsnet post.