To hesitate to give lessons for free?

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I am a lecturer and an acquaintance of mine gave my details to a Ukrainian refugee who asked me to tutor her child for free in my subject. I am hesitating - I have a lot of work and 3 children myself. I have very little spare time. BUT the situation in Ukraine is awful at the moment, and do feel for them. Am I a heartless b and should I help them?

OP, did your acquaintance say you could offer your services for free? I find it odd that anyone would refer someone to a service and tell them it’s FOC, unless previously agreed.

In your position (and my own) I could not work for free. I do offer some concessionary sessions for those on low income, but I only have x amount at any one time. Clients are welcome to join a wait list for the reduced fee sessions if they wish.

By all means, try to accommodate but put some boundaries in place. Remember, you may be recommended to others as the lecturer who offers free tuition.

I agree one or two sessions is good option - you can actually do some good and don't commit too much time.

When I did freebies, I called it "orientation" session, not "tutoring". (Aka I can't commit to a long term tutoring now, but let's meet for an orientation session, I will give you some materials and you will see...)

In the orientation session I checked that the family understands what are the upcoming exams about formally, what are the dates and choices and pointed them to good self study resources. I did very quick assessment (small part of the example paper) to see where they are.
When I felt more generous, I assigned them a training paper to do at home and we met once again, discussed the result, test strategy, and I recommended some next steps. (You can study at home/ask at school/find a private tutor/reach charity program)

Yes, theoretically people can learn about it all online, but especially if they are foreigners it is very useful to check your understanding with someone local and get faster to the "everyone knows" level.

Disregarding the daft and unhelpful comments about spellings.

It depends on many factors - your spare time to commit to this being a main one. Not helpful that your acquaintance gave your details away without consulting you(?) Did the acquaintance suggest to the family that you'd do it for free too?

It also depends on the nature/subject of what you tutor in.

If its language then simply being immersed is probably better. Join the Cubs/scouts/sporting group.

Would this be face to face or Zoom?

We have a 9 YO Ukrainian child with us (+ rest of family) She has learnt English very well from virtually zero a year ago. It's been interesting to look at the differences in Education between the two countries. (This may impact of your offer/approach etc.)

eg. Maths in this country tends to be more problem solving - and a lack of linguistic nuances has held her back a bit.
Ukrainian maths for this age is more being given page of sums to work through.

Whilst some take the piss and give all UKs a bad name many are uncertain of the future - will they ever be able to go back etc. (Like many Poles in the late 40s.) They want to have the option to assimilate and give their children the best chance.

Is there a skills exchange you could do? To cover your time?
There was a mum years ago at my school in hard times, we did a mutual help. I tutored her daughter (successfully) for the 11+ and helped her with English and see would watch my children and do a bit of cleaning. It became more and more friendly and we started eating together one night, she cooked I shopped.

If a potential student can get lessons for free (and how generous of your friend to offer your service!) other tutors earning a living by charging for lessons will have their position undermined. The fact that free lessons are a possibility may even be used as a bargaining chip. I have also realised that a tutor is taken more seriously if they charge a serious fee.
A single session for assessment purposes, followed by appropriate suggestions for follow-up, would be a generous gesture, but you should feel under no obligation.

This is a very good point! I have a colleague like this who has a rich husband and accpets lots of work for free or for a low fee and I can't help but feel annoyed by this

Even that I think would be a bad idea, it would be difficult to extract yourself from that situation without feeling guilty, I think just say you can't for all the reasons you & others have mentioned. I know over here in our schools we have free english classes for parents as well as children, it's also a great way for the families to meet & socialise with locals & others from their community, same with the libraries.The Ukrainian kids we have in my school were immediately put into our main classes but with extra resource for language, they picked up the language in no time & became very much part of our school community

Basically they shouldn't have to rely on you because surely there are as many resources for them, wherever you are, as here in Ireland?

You have very little spare time, so with 3 kids, my answer would definitely be no. Even if you had lots of spare time, it's really rude for your friend to have given someone your number and to expect you to do this. Even if they were paying you, you can't magic up spare time to do this in.

My partner's field is maths & physics. Yesterday he asked me how to spell 'from'.

You are under no obligation to give away your professional skills free of charge, and if your friend made the offer on your behalf, said friend is a CF.

Very kind of someone to give your time away wasn't it?
While I agree that the situation in Ukraine is awful not all people who have come here are poverty stricken refugees. I know several with very good jobs (no judgement - good for them)
If you don't want to do it its perfectly reasonable to say no

Do you want to do additional tutoring? Is this something you usually do for a fee?

If the answers are no then I don't think you should feel obligated now just because you have some sympathy for the situation the child's family finds themselves in.

It sounds like you have more than enough on your plate and I wonder how difficult it will be to extricate yourself from the arrangement if you make time to do a few free sessions.

I think it would be simpler to direct them to alternative resources now and avoid potential complications further down this line.

Didn't say they was a lecturer in English language did they ?

I don't add spelling mistakes to sound casual.

Why did you write "means" instead of "mean" then?

Don’t feel obliged to do the lessons. You say yourself you haven’t got the time. It’s a slightly cheeky ask for the friend to pass on your details, and for the family to ask for free lessons.

I agree with other suggestions to direct them to available resources.

Sorry, but I think your acquaintance was wrong to give out your details without speaking to you, particularly as it involved working for free.
My family don’t even give out my mobile number without speaking to me first

Nope. One lesson for free to assess if they want to have some tutoring, but don't ever give your expertise for free because that it the value people will then assign it. What's given away is generally treated as worthless.

This.
From time to time someone asks me to tutor their kids: I have a job that keeps me fully occuped as well as a life and have no need of the extra money...... people don't value what they get for nothing, you have better things to do with your time, just say that the intermediary has got the wrong end of the stick and that you do not offer this sort of service.

I would say no for many reasons not least because it's a cheeky ask!

IDK if this helps but if you can't afford to work for free, then perhaps you could set up a Go Fund Me so that supporters can sponsor the cost of the lessons. Make sure you send the link to your generous friend.

I own my own business and have kids. Time for me is a luxury.

If I could have one wish it would be more time.

More time to spend with my kids.

More time to have quiet time for myself to unpack my overwhelmed brain

More time to see my lovely friends who I barely see.

So no I wouldn’t give that time away for free.

I used to teach many many moons ago ( sport) Passing knowledge and skill forward to someone else is such an amazing thing. I was only truly happy when doing this so I do understand the call to do it.

But you have to weigh up if you have the free time to give away.

I hate when people offer charity on someone else’s behalf. That’s not OK at all, and a simple “no” should suffice OP. If you feel inclined to help a Ukrainian family, it should be you who decides when, how and what you will offer. Not an acquaintance deciding for you.

I wouldn’t give more than one session for free but I would consider a discount if I wanted to help further than that one session. People rarely value what they get for free.

For all of the people saying the acquaintance offered OP's time for free, where does she say that? It's possible the acquaintance passed on her details thinking it might generate extra work, and the refugee has gone ahead and asked for the tutoring for free?
Anyway, I would probably offer one or two maximum sessions for free in order to assess the children and see if they wanted to move forward and pay for regular tutoring. I would keep it professional and stress that sessions would be full price after the initial free period. If they turn around and don't want to pay, walk away without giving it another thought.