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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to miss our old house when we've moved somewhere better?

25 replies

HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 06:38

We both really miss our old house even though it was super impractical with a baby. We rented a tiny Victorian terrace with crazy steep stairs and just a gravel courtyard garden. BUT we had the best neighbours with a lovely community. Everyone was friendly and it had a great children's centre where I went 3 times a week to free soft play.

We've finally bought a house on the other city of the city in a much more affluent estate that is 20 years old. It's beautiful with much more room but we're both finding faults in silly things and miss our old house. We both genuinely feel very down. Our son is going to be one this month and it's lovely seeing him have the space to crawl around the living room etc.

YABU - enjoy the new house!
YANBU- you can mourn your old life!

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 06:39

The old house also used to make us really stressed at the time as the parking was crazy and people would park across your front door and block you in so couldn't get out with the buggy. I can't miss that surely!? But I do miss the people.....

OP posts:
TheStickySweethearts · 09/07/2024 06:41

Its a free world so yes, you can mourn! I have a gorgeous house everyone drools over but tbh im just waiting to sell. DP and I reminisce about our previous semi in a shitty town 😅

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 06:43

@TheStickySweethearts ha that's good to hear. I think maybe we also don't feel like we really fit in here as it's rather upmarket and our new area was seen as a bit rough and ready 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 06:44

Sorry I meant our old area was seen as a bit rough and ready!

OP posts:
RitaAndFrank · 09/07/2024 06:47

Could you consider moving back to the area but to a larger house with fewer parking issues?!

Doingmybest12 · 09/07/2024 06:54

It's the familiarity and those easy social relationships. I think it's easy to under estimate these changes, we moved a couple of streets away and missed our old street for a long while. Sounds like your new home is lovely.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/07/2024 06:59

I think change can both feel hard and still be the right thing to do. I'd be trying to distract myself a bit by looking for toddler friendly things to do in the new area.

MaverickSnoopy · 09/07/2024 07:09

I felt like that when we moved. Took me about 6 months to stop mourning. Let yourself mourn but also try to focus on the positives of your move.

Tagyoureit · 09/07/2024 07:10

I've moved from a 2 bed with no garden to a 3 bed with a garden last year.

I don't feel settled at all even this should be a better house, my youngest finally has her own room, we have a garden, driveway, it's a nice quiet road with no through traffic, nice neighbours.

I think I need to decorate it to make it feel more like home but I sometimes think meh, why bother, I don't like it here. DH and the kids love it though and are happy.

I'm trying to sort it out but I'm finding it hard, I don't know why I can't seem to settle here. Maybe because it's still less than a year and I was in my other place for over 10 years.

Quitelikeacatslife · 09/07/2024 07:10

It sounds like you've made a good move for your son. I'd say you need to invest some time this summer getting to know the new area and meeting people. Are there baby groups? Meeting other young families would be a game changer, and set you up well for school times in future.
It's ok to look back but make this work

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 07:54

Thanks all. I know it's definitely a good move but I didn't realise I'd be so sad about our old area as I found it so stressful at the time. We've also gone from an area where the schools are "requires improvement" to "excellent".

They don't have a children's centre here as they are all in the more deprived areas of the city. I'm returning to work soon too so this might also be that there's a lot of change happening and feels like an of an amazing year.

OP posts:
Dery · 09/07/2024 08:12

I think having some sadness on leaving a place (a home, a school, a job, a holiday) is okay - indeed, a good thing: it means that, overall, you were happy there or at least that there were things you valued and enjoyed there. Indeed, when we had our first DD, our doula reassured me that it’s natural to have some sadness about leaving behind our pre-child life. Big steps in life will usually generate a mix of feelings. That doesn’t mean it’s a mistake to move on and your new house sounds great for your growing family.

HowIrresponsible · 09/07/2024 08:14

RitaAndFrank · 09/07/2024 06:47

Could you consider moving back to the area but to a larger house with fewer parking issues?!

Because first time buyers and new parents have the money to do that?

OP mourn your old life, you'll come to terms with it. It's very understandable. It will take time to settle.

Didimum · 09/07/2024 08:22

How long have you been there. I very much mourned our old house for a very long time. DH and I both cried when we left and I cried for a long time afterwards!

I didn’t vote because I think you can both enjoy your new house and feel sad about leaving your old one. We don’t have to hate where we live to move.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 08:24

@Didimum just over a week, which I know is nothing!

It's just a huge change. We wouldn't move back as that would cost a fortune. We've put our whole life's savings into buying our first house so we will be here long term!

It's a beautiful house and I need to explore more and find some groups to make myself more settled. Moving is so stressful and I think with an 11 month old is was extremely stressful!! He's happy though ☺️

OP posts:
RitaAndFrank · 09/07/2024 08:30

HowIrresponsible · 09/07/2024 08:14

Because first time buyers and new parents have the money to do that?

OP mourn your old life, you'll come to terms with it. It's very understandable. It will take time to settle.

Show quote history

Because the op has said she’s moved to a bigger house in an affluent estate it gives the impression that they’ve upsized and therefore spent more on their new house?!

WhatNoRaisins · 09/07/2024 08:39

Definitely let yourself mourn while incorporating some self care. I think some of us just suck at any sort of change or transition and it throws us for a real loop.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 08:42

@WhatNoRaisins thank you ❤️. Moving house and ending mat leave feels very overwhelming right now!! Also we've been looking to buy our first home for a couple of years so it finally happening does feel surreal.

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyLondoner · 09/07/2024 08:43

@RitaAndFrank it's our first home. We were renting our other.

OP posts:
GauntJudy · 09/07/2024 08:50

Yanbu as you clearly loved so much about the old place. But give yourself a chance to fall in love with the new home, the benefits will become clearer and clearer as your DC gets older and you'll be thanking your old self for making the move!

You might get more sense of community when DC starts nursery/school.

mnahmnah · 09/07/2024 09:02

I am in the same position as you. Our old house was in a trendy area, close to city centre, lovely local community and shops etc. but it was a two bed terrace and on street parking, with tiny courtyard. We had big bedrooms and two reception rooms, plus dining kitchen. But we would never get a third bedroom, drive or garden. So we had to move.

I love our new house. Our DC have a bedroom each and a decent garden to play football. I have trees with squirrels. Big drive. But I really miss the old community, ease of walk to the city centre, the local shops. I miss walking round to all our friends. We have to drive now. We just couldn’t afford a bigger house there.

Our plan is to see what happens with mortgage rates when ours expires in two years and consider moving back to that area if we can afford it.

GoldMerchant · 09/07/2024 09:07

I think you're adjusting to the change of lifestyle and that's natural - moving, going back to work, stress of house buying (even when it goes smoothly).

I still feel nostalgic for the first flat DH and I rented together, either though our subsequent places were much bigger, better suited to us. I'm really just missing the life we had pre kids, even though I wouldn't swap it! It's ok to both miss things and know you've made the right choice.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 12/07/2024 19:10

We rented a house on a council estate, we had amazing neighbours and such a sense of community there. We moved when the kids were young to a lovely Semi, great garden and garage in a small close in the catchment of a brilliant school. It really ticked all of the boxes but we were so miserable for the first 12 months and felt like we'd made a huge mistake, things did slowly improve and we've been here for 12 years now and wouldn't to live anywhere else but I do understand how you feel.

elledee412 · 12/07/2024 19:24

The night we moved into our house, I, through sobs, told my husband I wanted to go home. Our old place was a rental in a 300-year-old building with all the… uh…. quirks you would expect, an incompetent landlord, and stairs from hell, but it was in an amazing area. The new house was objectively much nicer, but it didn’t really feel like home until we got a dog almost a year later, which we couldn’t do at our old place.

hipposcanweartutus · 12/07/2024 19:54

We bought our dream house 5 years ago and it was perfect, we loved it there! My mum died last year and we decided to move into her place as it is a bungalow (future proofing for our old age!) I cried so much about leaving our house! But 6 months down the road, we have the bungalow as we want it and we’ve become friends with the people who bought our house. Glad we made the move now as the new neighbours at our old place are very loud!

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