Exit interview - should I let it go?

[Pinksparkles84]

A bit of background but I recently handed my notice in at work and I have a new job. I had been asked to move teams internally at work (from team A to team B - the same team but different work) I did the new role in team B for 2 months before deciding it wasn’t for me and I wanted to back to my original role in team A. Unfortunately it wasn’t what I thought it would be (The managers assistant called the shots and was incredibly challenging to work with, feeding back to manager of Team B by copying the manager into every email) and i didn’t feel like I had a choice but to go ahead with changing to team B as I was new to the company. I went to HR in the first instance to ask about going back to team A.

I had a meeting with HR and manager of Team A a few weeks ago (I kept my options open by interviewing at other places in case I couldn’t move back to team A) . Instead of talking about moving HR and manager of Team A said they got feedback from manager of team B. Apparently a load of so called issues were brought to their attention but this was all news to me. I ended up being put on a PIP and being told that they wanted to support me in getting better in Team B. I felt that it was just a ploy to get rid of me as I’d asked to go back to my original job. Team B manager gave some examples (saying about attention to detail etc but no solid specific examples).

I called a meeting with HR and said I wanted to get specific examples from manager of team B. Manager of team B started ghosting me before I called the meeting. During this time I got offered a new job closer to home. I subsequently asked to have an exit interview at my current place.

I had my exit interview today and told the HR person that I hadn’t received any feedback on Manager B’s issues that she had. The HR person was pretty rude and said why would I want to know her examples as it would upset me & my response to was that how am I able to move on and improve if I have no idea what they’re talking about. I don’t get this air of secrecy.

Apparently manager of Team B kept a folder and thought she was providing constructive criticism. I called her the other day and called her out on why she hadn’t brought things up beforehand. I only got the examples during the exit interview and only knew about her concerns a few weeks ago. The HR person came across as very rude and said why did I need specific examples as I got the broad idea of what was wrong. Apparently receiving an email from team B manager asking me to do something was meant to be constructive criticism. I then decided that I wanted to receive the examples over email and she proceeded to read them out until I interrupted her and assertively told her that I wanted it in email, not during the meeting as she initially said.

Later in the meeting the HR person said that my manager said that another example was being asked to save a document in 2 folders and that this email had been sent more than once and I had apologised for this.

I want to let it go but I am feeling like I’ve been pushed under the bus by my manager of Team B who always is so nice on the telephone and calls me ‘my lovely’ every few minutes. I feel like she is 2 faced and has been keeping tabs on me without my knowledge.

As another person said they are paid by my work so they will always back them as they’re paying their wages!

I Know I need to let it go and concentrate on my future but the experience of having an exit interview and being told that I’m not entitled to see what they said about me, has left me wanting to clear my name and move on from this negative experience. The HR person felt like they were trying to get a reaction out of me.

i feel more confident dealing with difficult people having come out of a Narc marriage at the beginning of the year.

You got a new job and your name is clear, if you keep badgering them you could damage your reputation. Time to take a deep breath and let it go.

Walk away and for gods sake never, ever do an exit interview. It never ends well.

If it were me I think I’d let it go. Trying to persue it after you’ve left will just cause more stress and worry over it all when you have a new job to concentrate on. I’d put it all behind you and start your new job fresh. Hope all goes well for you

I really sympathise. I have been through similar and at the time when you're in the thick of it, it's hard to see what will become obvious to you later; that you're giving too much credence to the opinion of ONE woman who by the sounds of it, enjoyed keeping a folder to detail your alleged misdemeanours, all fairly vague as you haven't been told what they are.

I know it's frustrating (been there) but I'd try and go forward into the new job knowing what your values are. Tune back into what YOU think of you. What do YOU think is professional? What do YOU feel you observed? What do YOU feel like you learnt from this awful experience.

Tune out this one folder-keeping woman's interpretation of events and tune back into your own interpretation of events. Stand firm in your own interpretation of events without ruminating on HER. De-personalise it. ''A dominant colleague wasn't comfortable around me ....''

Don't give her assessment of you any value by asking repeatedly to know what it is.

Good luck in the new job. Try to feel light-hearted and not wronged when you start. Hard I know. Clear your head before you start. Yoga, meditation. Dance it off like Meredith and Christina Yang.

Absolutely this. Do not engage further. These people are going to be negative and you will suffer.

Let it go, in the words of Elsa. Always decline exit interviews or if you absolutely must give vague bland responses.

You need to think about what you would hope to achieve from pushing this. Realistically, based on the behaviour and attitude displayed by both the manager and the HR colleague, it doesn’t sound like this company would take any interest in engaging further and certainly wouldn’t reflect and concede any shortcomings or failures in their procedures or management practices, at an organisational or individual level.

in short, I think you’d be on a hiding nothing as you are unlikely to get any satisfactory answers or conclusions and you will just be continuing to put your energy and time into a situation that you are now well rid of.

Embrace your fresh start and if you do want to spend any time on this, I suggest self reflection to think about what you can learn from this:

• were any of the issue examples she read out reasonable/accurate and is there anything you could/would do differently in the future?
• what was it specifically about the role in the new team that you felt wasn’t a good fit and do you need to consider that when choosing your future moves/progression to better guarantee success and satisfaction in your role?
• is there anything proactive and practical you can do early on in this new job to set yourself up to succeed and flourish, so you can feel confident and assured of your capability to perform?

Congrats on your new job. Sounds like it was a lucky escape from the other place!

Thanks. There were a few things to take on board that I can learn from. Other things that were brought up were pernikity things such as saving a document in a specific place with a specific name. Typically in my role I would take on a file and run it the way I thought it should be. I was getting quite a few passive aggressive emails from one member of the team saying I hadn’t saved a document over to the right sub folder she had created as there were so many sub folders. The document was saved in the main folder and a place I thought it should be copied to. Our system allows you to search for documents but she doesn’t use that facility. This was one of the things on the PIP. I think for me it’s more about the principle and calling my manager out on bad management. But I guess there’s not much point in pushing it now I’m leaving and am on garden leave.

You can ask for a subject access request and they have 30 days to comply.https://ico.org.uk/for-the-public/getting-copies-of-your-information-subject-access-request/
It is galling to feel you have been mistreated/misrepresented but you have a new job and are out of there. Even if you could prove without a shadow of a doubt that what they have said or done is 100% wrong - they're unlikely to admit this and even if they did - what do you want from it? I would try and let it go and just be grateful to be out of there and have a new job.

Thanks for the feedback. I decided to let it go after being told I’m on garden leave and my last day was today. Team B manager was going to be speaking to me earlier with my Team A manager but they decided against it after I dropped my request to have the written examples of my supposed indiscretions! I suspect they were worried I’d take it further if I pursued it, but cancelled the meeting as I dropped wanting the written feedback.

My manager of team B instead called me and said she wished me well and that she was sorry it didn’t work out and how she wished she was in the office to give me a hug! 🤢. Her assistant hasn’t spoken to me in days as I asked if everything was alright as she was being particularly difficult over an email. I’ve looked on Facebook and realised she’s blocked me, lol. I know this because I was going to tag her in to a post about my last day and her name didn’t come up. I’ve looked on messenger and her profile comes up on there. It’s very odd that she’s taken it to heart but I suspect manager of team B has been smearing my name to her, she’s your classic covert narcissist, nice to your face but stabbing you in the back. At least I can leave in the knowledge that I won’t have to put up with their s* anymore. It’s very pathetic, but then some people are!

I did not bother replying to my last offer of an exit interview. It is generally a box ticking exercise and nothing changes. It's not worth getting yourself worked up again over the reasons that you are leaving.