To think I've done the right thing reporting this?

[inthedarkx]

Hello

So I've had to send an email and make a complaint due to an incident my child reported to me on Friday. They want me to send her In tomorrow so they can talk to her ( I kept her off today) but I'm so anxious they'll treat her differently and be mean to her for telling me I don't know what to do or think 😪

So bit of background. My 4 year old daughter ( turns 5 in aug) is very demanding. Very defiant. Very stubborn. She throws frequent tantrums and regularly refuses to go to school ( she's in reception) so her attendance isn't great and she was refusing since she was in the school nursery. But I always took her to school and took her to her door and at the door is where she refused to go in and the problem is she has to go up 2 flights of stairs to get into her classroom so when she's having a meltdown it's difficult to get her up to that classroom.

So usually when she refused to go in the staff used to say just leave her she will be fine so I left her then I started to notice one time she has a bruise on her head at home time after she didnt want to go in that morning so I stopped leaving her when she had a meltdown and took her home

But this Friday my 4 year old again refused to go in so staff just said leave her they'll take her up she'll calm down so I did as I pretty much didn't have a choice and I got a letter this week saying they are concerned for her attendance

BUT sometimes the staff are so unhelpful. They leave me with her in the play round and offer no support so I just take her home

Anyway Friday she came home with a bruise on her arm and I asked her how did she hurt herself to get that bruise. I didn't see this on the morning when getting her changed? So she said she was dragged up the stairs by her teacher by her arm ( presumably because she was upset and wouldn't go up to classroom.

I feel so guilty for leaving her. I can't be certain what occurred as I wasn't there I csnt go make any sort of accusations as I wasn't there but I'm going off what my child had told Me

I do think my child has some sort of special Need with her behaviour and she has meltdowns over tiny things. She has no sense of danger when she's in that distresses meltdown like for example a few weeks back after school she wanted apple juice but I only Had blackcurrant so she had a meltdown and ran off and didn't care about danger.
We have to get the bus too and from school as we recently moved and if we have to walk to get a different bus due to the regular one not turning up she won't go to school even though we are on time. It's little things like that.

The school are useless with these sorts of things

I would take her out of school completely but I'm a single parent (dad sees children 3-6 hours a week depending if he can be bothered) so per UC guidelines I need to go back to work earning a certain threshold so I can't home school as I don't trust this school anymore and there isn't Any places Any where else near me

I'm dreading September when she starts year 1

Thanks for reading x

Im not an expert on school refusers OP but if my child came home with that account and a bruise on her arm I would be taking a photograph of it and sending into school with a request to see the safeguarding lead or headteacher. They don’t need to have a word with her they need to have a conversation with you. You need to go into that conversation and agree a strategy going forward - you can’t be left floundering on your own in the playground and they can’t be leaving bruises on children. How do they intend to tackle the behavioural issues and what do you need to do to facilitate that ?

You need to request a meeting with the SENDCO and come up with a proper action plan in September. Write down all of your concerns and struggles and talk to the SENDCO.

Staff may not be able to support in the playground because they are busy looking after other children and can't give lots of attention to just 1 child particularly when they are safe with an adult. You need an alternative entrance so going to the main entrance. Enrolling her in breakfast club can be useful so that the bus is quieter and she is in the school environment and acclimatising before everyone else arrives.

The bruise sounds like she was more likely held on to on the stairs to prevent her falling and hurting herself more than being dragged up them.

If you are concerned about her being autistic then it's worth knowing that it is largely genetic and it's very likely you or her father are also autistic so if you are struggling with things it's worth enquiring for yourself to get some support for you.

You should defo be present for "the word" that they want with your DD, OP. And you should defo talk to them about the bruise.
Is it possible DD might have thought she was being "dragged" but teacher was holding onto her to stop her falling on the stairs?

It sounds like this is an ongoing issue. Unfortunately it sounds like you're going to have to get used to being your daughter's advocate regarding school, so I'd advise getting to know the system, what to expect, who's who, how things work etc.
The first priority is getting to the bottom of this school-based refusal and anxiety. Have you discussed sensory processing disorder/autism/adhd with any professionals? Even if she doesn't have these conditions, the advice and techniques could be helpful. You may be able to get referred for assessment through school or your GP. different areas can have slightly different pathways. Occupational therapists can be very good, and you can often self-refer. I would raise the question re: sensory issues/anxiety/possible autism with school and ask them to get an educational psychologist involved. There'll be local parent support groups that can help you along the way. The National Autistic Society has a useful helpline too.
Good luck