Would this bother you? Dating related

[LavenderHaze19]

I was on a date with a man last week. He was nice and I enjoyed myself.

The only negative thing was this. We discovered that we are both into running and we started talking about races. I said I'd never run a marathon but have run many half-marathons. He said he'd run one marathon. I asked what his time in it was. He said it was 2hrs 58m.

For the benefit of anyone who isn't familiar with marathon running, 2hrs 58m is an INCREDIBLE time for a non-professional runner to finish a marathon, especially a first marathon. I forget exactly what the men's world record is but it's somewhere around the 2 hr mark. There are many very experienced marathon runners out there who train for years to try and run a sub-3 hr marathon. My brother is incredibly fit and has run many marathons and his personal best time is somewhere around 3 hrs 30m.

I told him that was an incredible race time and the conversation moved on. But when I got home I couldn't shake a feeling of scepticism about it. So I looked up his time online (he'd told me which marathon it was and for lots of races times are public).

He ran it in 4hrs 10. Which is a great time, especially for a first marathon. But it isn't 2 hrs 58m.

I definitely didn't mishear his time, he repeated it several times. And he definitely said he'd only ever run one marathon. So I'm as sure as I can be that it was a fib.

Would this bother you?

YABU - No, it's a trivial fib and we all exaggerate our achievements a bit especially if we're nervous

YANBU - Yes, if he can lie about that he can lie about other things, plus how stupid to lie about something that's so easy to check

When I was online dating (and marathon training at the time), I got into a ridiculously heated argument with a match for exactly this reason. The guy said he’d run a marathon in just over 2 hours… I did the same as you and looked him up. He hadn’t even participated in the race he claimed to have got this insanely good time in… So I pulled him up on it… Didn’t go down well!

I say ditch him. What a stupid thing to lie about, and what else will he lie about going forwards?!

He's lied to you on the first date and it's such a stupid one. That would be it for me, I wouldn't be able to trust him.

Yes, it would bother me because I would be angry that he had insulted my intelligence.
Plus, I'd be wondering what else he would lie about.

Yes, that’s what happened. He got all of the numbers wrong, multiple times, but accidentally

Definitely do this! See if he admits it. If he tries to get out of it with more lies then don’t bother with him again.

YANBU I hate lying. Especially when you're lying to make yourself seem better than you are. You can't trust anything he says about himself. But you've got nothing to lose so ask him about it.

Yeah, that's a great time - he must have known another runner would be straight on the stalk 😅 we had this with a friend - it rocked my trust a little tbh. And it certainly would rock my trust with a date.

YANBU I don't like liars, and if someone is gong to lie about something like this which is so pointless, what else will they lie about.

He's obviously trying to impress you but I'd be thinking if he can lie about things that don't matter, he can definitely lie about things that do.

I’m a runner too and I would definitely have done the same as you and checked his time.. probably had a look over his strava too😂 and him lying about this would be a massive red flag for me!

It would put me off. You want to see the real person warts and all. The only thing I’d lie to a new partner about is how many previous sexual partners I’d had!

Thank you all for your replies. I definitely feel confident now that I’m not unreasonable for letting it bother me. I’m sorry to those of you who’ve had relationships with liars but your stories reminded me how important honesty is.

The poster who said either he’s an idiot or he thinks I am, you’re definitely correct - I suspect both are true. It’s such a bizarre, pointless lie to tell and so easy to disprove.

I’m not going to take things any further with him.

The hilarious thing is I would have been impressed by his actual truthful time - I’ve never run a marathon so I’m impressed by anyone who has!

Let us know if you tell him why you don't want to see him again and what his response is!

The thing, what else did he lie about then? Because you have no way of checking if anything else he told you is true. It could be that he just lied in the moment because he was trying to impress you, then realised he was being an idiot but it was too late to dial it back.... but the problem is you can't know.

What's your half marathon time? Is it really good and so he felt he needed to impress you? Bit ridiculous - the first time you go for a run together you're going to figure out pretty quick that he's not a sub 3 hour marathon runner!!!

I have a very good friend who caught a new boyfriend out in a like like this at the beginning. But he told her a story about how he just panicked and said something stupid.

2 years later it all came out that literally every single thing he had told her about his life was a lie. it was truly awful. He had lied about everything from where he grew up, where his parents lived (even that they were together - they'd been divorced since he was small), where he went to school etc. It was horrendous.

She married him anyway and none of us have ever understood it.

Oh baby, you need to run (even faster than his fantasy run!)

No, my half marathon times are pretty much average for a woman
my age - certainly nothing extraordinary!

Yes - lies is an absolute dealbreaker for me. I don’t care how trivial the lie is, if they can lie about things that don’t matter with a straight face, they can lie about anything.

Also, your last comment has made me think - you’re absolutely right, if we went for a run together it would be obvious immediately that he isn’t a sub-3 hour marathon runner. So he obviously can’t have been thinking about anything long-term with me. Which is all the more reason to bin him off!

I suspect it wasn't a planned lie. The problem is that even if it was just a spur of the moment lie, how can you trust him with any other things? DH told me a similar lie early on. it was totally just in a moment of insecurity and also he didn't want to admit something about his family. He fessed up about a day later - he'd been stewing on it and couldn't bear the thought of lying to me. And I can honestly say that in the 20 odd subsequent years, he's never given me a moment concern that he might be lying. But I'm so glad he told the truth on that one because I WOULD have found out eventually and would have really judged him for it and wondered if he was truthful on other things and also thought less of him - it was such a stupid lie.

And similarly you absolutely will find out. Two runners dating? Puhlease... I'd be shocked if you didn't go for a run together by date 3 am not a runner but too many friends and family are. I know how this goes

People lie all the time in dating and especially on line.

In fact there are some people that believe dating is about projecting some impressive or desirable version of yourself until the person you are trying to impress loves you for the person you really are as opposed to the bullshit you project.

Still, lying about something so obvious is a bit silly, especially to a fellow runner and it would have been bound to come up sooner or later that he was talking crap.

Was he doing that because he felt intimidated and wanted to big up his achievements, or was he doing it because he wanted to gain some benefits in impressing you in the short term from lying ? Who knows ?

Some times you get the impression that these days the dating arena is so full of liars that there is a kind of lying arms race going on. Maybe this is a consequence of people doing the picking as well as people doing the lying. After all if there was no benefit from lying people wouldn't do it.

Still, I would bin him probably for his poor quality lying that was easily discoverable.

If you are going to lie, at least have the decency to make it a good one. It would be interesting to hear his bullshit comeback. The chip timing failed. I thought you were talking half marathon. There must have been someone else running with the same name. etc.

As someone who once dated a man who was an obsessive, compulsive, pathological liar - throw him to the kerb. These men lie about everything and you will never know when he is telling the truth and when not. They create fantasies about themselves and sell those fantasies to others.

Just don't got there.

The guy said he’d run a marathon in just over 2 hours…

What an absolute thickster!

It would bother me but not enough to put me off him completely, depending on why he lied or why he said it. If you like him enough, maybe have a chat with him about it and see what his reaction is, then take it from there?

If he confesses, hear him out and then decide what to do. We are all guilty of exaggeration at times. If he doesn't come clean, or no other valid reason is given, then I'd probably throw this one back as he's prepared to continue the lie.

My fil use for run marathons... With a well published 'celebrity turned nonce... Said nonce appeared at the start and finished line but fil never saw him doing the actual full run...
<shudders >