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Original poster

Partner only has pictures of his family in his office

34 replies

Trabenji · 08/07/2024 20:10

I'm not sure if this is me being petty or if he is being as weird.
So my partner and I have been together for 3 years and have a 16 month old son. He has one brother and two nieces aged 11 and 9. I have two sisters and one niece aged 3.
At home we each have our own office space - his is in the spare room.
A few months ago, his mum passed away. She was ill for a long time. He has been clearing things from her house and has brought back a few photos. Some are of his mum and dad (his dad passed about 20 years ago), but most (about 4/5) are pictures of his nieces.
Bear in mind that before he decided to decorate the spare bedroom with these pictures there were none in the spare room. I have printed lots of pictures of the three of us as a family but he didn't want to put them in the spare bedroom as it "crowded his office space". Now the room basically looks like a shrine to his family.
I asked him if he plans to give some of these pictures to his brother as they are photos of his daughters and he said no as they were from his mums house. When I mentioned it was weird that he only has pictures of his family and didn't even want pictures of his own son in the room he just got really short with me and didn't want me to bring it up again.
Am I being petty about this or is this as weird as it feels to me?

OP posts:
Tablesalt111 · 08/07/2024 22:12

Coffeerum · 08/07/2024 20:13

It’s not weird for him to have family photos in a room in your shared home.
I imagine he doesn’t see the need to have a photo of you or his son he literally lives with you and there are loads of photos elsewhere.

You sound incredibly jealous and petty over his family, which is awful considering both his parents have passed. These photos belonged to his mum and are obviously important to him because they were important to her.

Edited

That's pushing it abit. It's perfectly normal for op to question this. A reasonable person understands that his grief may prompt pictures of his mum and dad and so on but op says he has put the entire family up including his siblings children but not his own child or his partner and yes for some it can be hurtful. Sometimes ppl may act jealous because something has happened to trigger that response it does not mean op is petty. Cut her some slack she just wants to be included!!

Original poster
Trabenji · 09/07/2024 07:08

Tablesalt111 · 08/07/2024 22:12

That's pushing it abit. It's perfectly normal for op to question this. A reasonable person understands that his grief may prompt pictures of his mum and dad and so on but op says he has put the entire family up including his siblings children but not his own child or his partner and yes for some it can be hurtful. Sometimes ppl may act jealous because something has happened to trigger that response it does not mean op is petty. Cut her some slack she just wants to be included!!

Show quote history

Thanks @Tablesalt111
I don't mind the lack of pictures of me, just that he saved the pictures of his nieces/ brother etc for himself, but the ones of our son went into the skip and didn't want to use ones readily available.

OP posts:
FoxSticks · 09/07/2024 07:16

I think when both of your parents die you feel horribly aware that your 'roots' have gone. Yes, you have you own small family, but your connection to your birth family seems fragile somehow. I know I felt the urge to hold my siblings closer, maybe it's the same for your husband with the photos of his sibling and nieces.

Original poster
Trabenji · 09/07/2024 08:48

FoxSticks · 09/07/2024 07:16

I think when both of your parents die you feel horribly aware that your 'roots' have gone. Yes, you have you own small family, but your connection to your birth family seems fragile somehow. I know I felt the urge to hold my siblings closer, maybe it's the same for your husband with the photos of his sibling and nieces.

Thank you @FoxSticks
This does make sense and it's helpful to see it explained in this way.

OP posts:
DragonGypsyDoris · 09/07/2024 09:18

He has photos of relatives who have died or doesn't see every day. On that basis he doesn't need photos of his son. There is no requirement for him to match what you do or expect.

GeilistheWitch · 09/07/2024 12:04

Crikey, OP, I live on a different continent from my family so have pictures of my parents, my siblings and their familes in our living room , alongside a few pictures of me with DH and / or DC at different ages. There are a couple of photos of DH's nephew as a child and with his family, but none at all of DH's parents and siblings as they live nearby and we see them regularly.
Does this make me live up to my user name? I don't think so, but others might think differently.
I definitely don't see what your DH is doing wrong.

Roseyjane · 09/07/2024 12:15

I think you are behaving very oddly. A complete lack of empathy, incredibly selfish and insecure, even jealous;

he is grieving and all you can focus on is where are my pics and could you give the ones away you have.

its really bad.

Manthide · 12/07/2024 18:03

TheRealSlimShandy · 08/07/2024 20:40

When my DHs mum passed away he took some very “not to my taste” things from her house (think a massive set of wooden rosary beads, old ornaments etc) and we had them in our living room for a while.

it was a stage of his grief and a comfort - so I put aside my feelings on their aesthetic etc. I suggest you do the same.

My brother died in March and I have some of his belongings in my house and I do like to think of them as his. My dad recently wanted to take some of his items to be valued and my mother was grief stricken. They had a talk about it and he took them a couple of weeks later. (My brother was single and lived on his own, probably autistic)

Vonesk · 12/07/2024 19:23

He needs Space; hes still processing his grief- it cant be rushed; it could take months , or years; or it might always be part of him. Surrounding himself with his mothers framed pictures is comforting him. Who are we to interfere ????

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