11yr old topic of discussion

[whatty]

I have given a lift to 2 boys who my son knows through an activity he does one evening. One of the boys used to go his school, and the other still does. They are all in year 6.

During the most recent journey- one of the boys (let's call him Alex) joked about being fingered/ someone at school had fingered him. And then the other boy (not my son- let's call him John) said something along the lines of I'm fingering you. To which the Alex said- OMG, you're gay if you say that... Alex has form for being a lad-ish- but this was a new low for a car journey at 7pm on a Monday.

I then said to Alex- that this topic of conversation wasn't appropriate, and my son pitched in with- yes- especially with my younger brother (aged 4) in the car.

I felt the whole conversation was not good- hence the pulling up of Alex and asking him to stop. Am I out of touch? Is this standard 11yr old chat? Would you mention to the mother of Alex? I'm planning on having a conversation with my son about appropriate conversation topics- although I think the only child I am concerned about is Alex rather than John or my son... but it's difficult to know whether there is more to it which needs to be explored.

So- it's not really an AIBU- but more a WWYD? My year 6 boy is my oldest child.

Thanks for your help 😀

Why would you mention it to Alex's mum? It sounds like he was shit talking to shock you.

I would've told Alex to pack it in at the first comment, but I work in a high school and am used to disciplining other people's children.

Whether you mention it to Alex's mum... is this a first offence or is he often inappropriate? How do you think she'll react?

He's a little idiot and I wouldn't be happy. The fact that a 4 year old was in the car would infuriate me.

Year 6 kid trying to show off to his mates about the shocking things he knows about. Sadly, only too normal from some kids at this time of year - they're being big fish in / from a small pond and are making the most of it by talking garbage. Sounds like Alex forgot you were in the car!

I definitely would have pulled him up on it, as you rightly did. And I'm glad your son also pointed out it wasn't okay to do that around your 4 year old. If you get on well with Alex's mum, then probably a good thing to talk to her. But if not, just have a good talk with your son about what happened, to reinforce the point.

Do you think they know what fingering is? Does your son?

It's fine to talk about being gay but not to use it as an insult/name calling.

Thanks for the responses. Had a conversation with my son once he got back from the club.

It appears Alex has been talking about this topic in the playground. And my son did know what it was as a result. Had a good chat about what is and isn't appropriate conversation. And the importance of not using gay as a derogatory term. Am relieved he won't be in the same school as Alex in Sept.

I'm probably over thinking this but my safeguarding training says how come a year 6 child is talking about something sexual like that which is more than they would teach in school by that age? What has he been exposed to at home / is something happening to him?

Alex is your son’s friend group equivalent of Jay from the Inbetweeners. Every group of boys has one!

Big boy bravado trying to show off stuff he’s actually clueless about. You should have shut him down.

Have you seen statistics on how many 11 year olds have smart phones? They watch crap on YouTube and repeat it.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220914-whats-the-right-age-to-get-a-smartphone#:~:text=Smartphones%20have%20become%20near%2Duniversal,phone%20–%20or%20experience%20surprising%20benefits%3F

91% of 11 year olds own a smartphone.

Few parents are smart enough to know how to properly put up restrictions.

when I was in year 6/7 this is definitely something we would have talked about! I was the oldest so think my parents would have been shocked but my two friends I hung out with all the time had teenage/adult brothers and sister - the things we heard from them 😂

but obviously - read the room little boy