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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour telling my son he wants to kill himself

6 replies

GandDiva · 08/07/2024 14:31

My 70yo next door neighbour has recently been diagnosed with cancer. The hospital have offered him treatment so it's not considered terminal as such but I know it must be incredibly worrying and upsetting for him. His DB died last year which hit him hard as they lived together so 11yo DS and I have been plating meals up for him a couple of times a week and I've offered to pick bits up from the shop for him. My DS has also done some weeding for him and we take his bin to the top of the road on bin day to try and make his life a little easier. He's very grateful for these things.
DS took him a meal round last night (he doesn't go in, just stands at the door which is around the side whereas ours is on the front) and was gone a little while. When he came back he said neighbour was telling him about his treatment and then said he just wants to die and feels like jumping in the reservoir with rocks in his pocket. DS was obviously upset and shocked by this. We have known this neighbour for 5 years and he always has a chat with him on the front and used to help his brother put his mobility scooter away, so he has got to know him.
I really feel for this neighbour and don't want to stop offering help but also I don't want him talking to DS about wanting to kill himself. I reassured DS that he's just struggling with this diagnosis and he's obviously scared and feeling sad.
I'm not going to let DS go to his on his own and was thinking if I see his nurse or his DB that visits occasionally, should I mention what he said?

OP posts:
Allthehorsesintheworld · 08/07/2024 14:37

Your poor son. I think you did the best thing, explained he’s ill and scared and son not to go alone again. I’d mention it to the nurse or even drop a note into his GP just saying he’s expressed suicide desire ( not the right term but ykwim) and you're concerned for his welfare.

Weepingwillows12 · 08/07/2024 14:38

Oh that's so hard. You are being very kind to him and he maybe doesn't have anyone else but it's not fair to tell a child that. I think you are doing the right thing stopping your son going alone and you explained it well to him. This happened to a friend of mine as a teenager. The person never told the grownup only the child and told her not to say anything but it really messed up my friend as she didn't know what to do so it's good your son told you.

I personally probably wouldnt have a go at your neighbour as he's struggling and I would definitely try and grab a nurse to make them aware but I imagine it must be quite common when faced with cancer.

Skyrainlight · 08/07/2024 16:38

He really shouldn't have traumatised your son like that, it's not ok to say that to an 11 year old. Your response to your son was great. I think I would notify someone because if your neighbour does kill himself and you have done nothing your son will feel the responsibility of it. But if you have done something you can at least reassure your son that you tried to get him the help he needed.

Also maybe just print off a Samaritan's leaflet, looks like you can find images online and drop it through his door.

Niegenug · 08/07/2024 16:52

First of all you have been a great neighbour.

I suggest that you go round to the neighbour and have a gentle talk with him. Express your concerns about his mental well being. Ask how he is doing, and gently bring it up how it isn't appropriate to mention suicide to a child.

Your neighbour is obviously lonely and dealing with his diagnosis. To put more distance between you and your family may exacerbate this, so if you can continue with your help that would be good, but of course not to the detriment of you and your child's wellbeing.

GandDiva · 08/07/2024 20:13

Thank you everyone, I am really wary of overstepping but I can't not say something. He is reluctant to accect any other help and is annoyed about going to hospital appointments. I will take him some food on my own and ask how he's doing and just mention that DS was worried after what he told him but try not to make him feel guilty. I will speak to the Dr about his mental health but say I don't want him to know it's come from me as I don't want him to feel he can't talk to me.

OP posts:
Skyrainlight · 08/07/2024 21:16

He is lucky to have you as a neighbour, you sound lovely.

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