Baby's 1st bday - ex contact?

[Honeymonster2]

I've recently split from my ex and posted a few times on here for advice.

Our sons 1st birthday is on Thursday, I've mentioned it a few times to him saying what I've bought for the baby etc, but I haven't mentioned the date. I'm almost certain he doesn't know the day and if he does, I would guess it's because his mum will tell him or he'll see it on her calendar as he's staying with her.

Should I be the bigger person and remind him or invite him round for celebrations?

Or do I just leave it up to him to ask / say something? There's been no mention of helping pay for gifts or if he's got anything for him so far.

sweet jesus op

no don’t remind him

how much involvement does he have?

i posted on your other thread op

he’s an alcoholic with an anger management problem who lives with his druggie mum

enough said

He sees them at my house at the weekend

Unless he has a mental health or other condition that is significant enough it means he is unable to remember the date, no you do not tell him. Baby is 1 so it’s not like they will have any idea it’s their birthday and be sad daddy didn’t make it. Better to know now if he’s going to bother to make an effort when the little one has no idea. I know it’s sad, but your child won’t know the difference.

I guess it's morbid curiosity to see if / when / how he remembers... but should my son miss out because I'm being a bit petty?

Before I read this, I would have said you need to think of your child first and foremost.

But after that, I don't think I'd want someone like that in my child's life?

Yes that's the relief, I'm hoping I'll make all the children feel special on the day as little one is so small, so it's nice for everyone to feel the magic. I've bought a small bouncy castle for the garden, so fingers crossed for no rain for the day 😀

He's not a bad guy, as easy as that is to say, he's complicated and an addict, but he's good with the children, more so now he's not round as much, it's like he's appreciating their time more.

Yeah, an addict shouldn't be around your kids. He's never going to take responsibility for himself if people are pandering to him and enabling him to be a useless person.

If he is an active addict (not in recovery), his number one priority will never be your child.

I wouldn't either. I've not read your past threads but from what's been mentioned he doesn't sound like he's in the right place to be a good father.

The fact that you are worrying about this speaks volumes though, you sound like a lovely mum ❤️

Hrs not in recovery yet, but he's what you might call a functioning alcoholic. So not what you might see on tv in films of an alcoholic. It's so hard to know what to do for the best

Thank you so much! I just feel like I'm letting everyone down all the time at the moment.

your other much older children have endured one hell of a shit time childhood when he was living with you

and yet you somehow think your 1 year old is missing out?

according to the other thread i was on with you Op…. it was MUCH more serious than you’re not conveying

alcohol
drugs
messaging prostitutes
gambling
past cheating
anger management with explosive temper

and you don’t think he’s a bad guy?

Your son won't be missing out he doesn't know where he nose is let alone what a birthday is

Stop doing this man's thinking for him

i suspect you want an excuse to contact him and you want him over for the day

I would actually prefer to celebrate just me and the children, but if it were the other way around, I would be broken hearted to miss a milestone like that. It's hard not to put myself in others shoes

even the shoes of someone who is an alcoholic, uses drugs, has a gambling problem, and anger management problem, messages prostitutes and a serial cheat?

i wouldn’t want your ex within a 5 mile radius of my children