Working from home and after school routine

[getyergladragson]

I work 10-2 at home then pick the kids up from school. DH is supposed to be working from 9am til dinner time (5pm). It's lovely that he can pop in and out and chat to me and the kids from pickup until dinner and he is around for emergencies.

Problems arise when as well as popping in to say hi, he starts telling them how long they can have on screens, how at X time he thinks they should go outside for some air, getting involved in squabbles and telling them when to do homework etc.

I know he is only being a good parent but it does mean I'm telling them one thing (as I'm the one looking after them when he's working and there is a loose routine after school) then he's up behind me telling them to do something else then in the next minute he trots off back into his office.

He doesn't mean it in a bad way, he is just trying to parent and work at the same time as he feels like he is missing out on the fun.

He is self-employed so can pick and choose when he starts and finishes a task.

Does anyone else have the kids at home 3:30-5pm when their partner is working from home?

How does it look for you? Do you agree who is 'on' or just have everyone around as normal family time? AIBU?

I wfh and come down to make a cup of tea, cuddle and reconnect and then bugger off back upstairs. It's DHs time: not my circus, not my monkeys.

A conversation about the behaviour and the impact should soce this. Perhaps he thinks he is helping or missing out and this is a symptom that there is something to resolve

I work 9-3 from home and DH works 9-5 from home, so a similar situation to you. He stays out of the way, pops down to see them when they get in after school then he’s to back to work. It would annoy me if he was trying to micro manage the DC, after school is their downtime after a busy day.

The 6 week holidays are approaching. There’s no routine with his work, he does as much as he wants when he wants. This is the dream but because he likes to have a constant planned activity fest, he’s in and out suggesting things, asking what we are doing, what time we are doing it, telling us when he’ll be free again so the kids don’t want to start much with me as they are waiting for Daddy again, then he’s back to his office room. I don’t find it relaxing lol. Is it micromanaging? Do other men do this?
Is it the natural way of working from home in the holidays? It comes from the heart. They adore having him home and they all get to play together on and off and the kids are happy so do I need to wind my neck in?

I think it’s all the planning and announcing. I just like to go with the flow.
Or is he just being considerate?

He’s being a pain in the arse. That would drive me mad, he’s trying to be in control of yours & the kids schedule and then heading back off to work ? You definitely need to get this sorted before the summer holidays. You need to be honest with him and tell him to pack it in. Tell him He can plan and organise the days he’s off work if that’s what he wants, but if it’s his work day then you’re capable of organising yourself & the kids without his constant input.

I work full time 8:30am to 5pm from home. I am employed so I have to be working at those time.
My husband doesn't work as someone always needs to be available for our disabled child.
My son gets home from school around 4 ish. I usually say hello to him and then I go back to work until 5pm.
My husband deals with all of the childcare during those times because even though I am at home I am working.
This also applies to school holidays.
I work in my office from 8:30am to 5pm.
Occasionally popping out for a tea break / lunch break etc. while my husband does all of the childcare.
Just because I am at home doesn't mean I am not working.
It is exactly like I am working away at an office somewhere and not just upstairs.

This. One of you needs to run the show. The one who's actually around for the whole time and not meant to be working. He can come play and cuddle and all that but your time, your rules.

We don't have this every day but do a couple of days a week. DH works upstairs and doesn't interfere!

Why are you worried about his motives? Does it matter?

He clearly sees your are lacking in entertaining them and feels the need to give instructions which must be followed and he is undermining you.

It’s not OK.

He needs to either be at work or be present ~ he can’t do both.

He needs to work in the garden.

i would say he’s not allowed to suggest X Y or Z unless he’s there to supervise or has run it past you first.

How would he like his time interrupted and instructed on what he should do next?

FFS! This is a typical Mumsnet - my husband is shit post!
You have a loose plan that's no good it needs to be set in stone
Tea at x
Homework at Y
Screen time A-B
Then your husband who is being an awesome dad getting involved would know what to say when they ask "how long until tea etc"
Most wfm dad's don't help and get shit on here here's a dad who wants to help and guess what again he's getting shit on!

No you're the one being inconsiderate by being so flouncy? FFS get a grip!

I’m sorry but I’d be telling him between 3.30-5 the kids follow you and what you say. He can plan for after that when he’s free/weekend and for the holidays. It does sound like micromanaging and I wouldn’t be happy with it.

Tea at x
Homework at Y
Screen time A-B

He is awesome and I know some Dad’s are the opposite.

He agreed I should set their screen time after school as he agreed it’s no good him doing that when he pops up for a cuppa then goes back to work.

I’ve set out times as above in the past and he called them ‘rules’ and said he doesn’t want to be tied to those in case he has to take over if I need to go out unexpectedly.

It’s the holidays. His work isn’t a fixed 9-5. He works for himself so no boss and decides when he picks it up and puts it down. This is nice because we get family time in the holidays. However, he pops out for meetings and erands etc so it’s impossible to say who is in charge when we are all home as it changes all the time. He does say I’m off to work now, see you at lunch but if he changes his lunchtime or finishes a meeting early. he comes up and starts suggesting what they should do for the rest of the day.

He is being awesome but it also gets very confusing for me.

So if he’s down as working that day and I’ve got the kids, it’s hard to do anything without his input on how/when it could be done. In the nicest way!

So I agree paddling…

I suppose as he does a lot of planning in his job, it’s hard to differentiate when he’s home all the time so it’s tricky. He’s very good with the kids. They are very lucky x