Am I the idiot

[blondemama1]

My ex and I broke up 11 months ago and it's been on/off ever since. Me basically telling him to change and him not making the effort.

I found out he's now dating someone. Someone exactly his type after literally ruining my self confidence for our entire relationship.

I'm blonde and girly. His type is either goth or Asian.

He made me feel like shit for not being his type. Told me I am his only type but then proceeds to make me feel the opposite with shit he says eg "brown hair is my favourite"

After no contact for 2 weeks,

I've now sent him a fucking essay of passive aggressive shit basically that I'm happy for him but he's a liar and a cheat and then blocked him.

He's got the upper hand now hasn't he? He'll obviously know I'm bothered.

He's a narcissist and a cheat and an asshole but I am still bothered.

AIBU - you have the upper hand
YNBU - he does

You don’t need the upper hand, he’s history.

Give yourself a week to feel upset and angry and then get on with a calmer, nicer life without him.

Why do you need "the upper hand"? it isn't a competition, it is the end of a relationship. He didn't need to change. YABU for expecting him to change. Find someone you like as they are, and don't attempt to change them. Good luck

Just break up with the idiot. Why are you allowing this shit?

YABU by putting anything down to looks. Sounds like there was a lot more wrong with your relationship than you being blond and girly...

Do an yourself a favour and don't dwell on your appearance - you're wrecking your own self esteem.

Oh and stop texting him, he's moved on. And TRUST me, you will too. But you have to go NC first.

It doesn't matter. You broke up, walk away and move on. He doesn't sound like a great boyfriend anyway

Doesn't matter who has the 'upper hand'

Block and move on.

You are bothered and so what if he knows this. You've sent your last message and blocked him. Time for you to move on, it's done.

What do you mean upper hand? Just ignore him.

Why do you need the upper hand? It sounds like you enjoy torturing yourself with this one, walk away.

Kindly, you need to move on from this. It's in your past and dwelling on it is only going to hold you back. Next time you find yourself getting pulled back into who was right/wrong just tell yourself the phase "Enough now!". That had helped me massively.

“Brown hair is my favourite” - he sounds like he’s about 6.
the relationship is over, you don’t need any ‘hand’.

He sounds like a toddler, "brown hair is my favourite" no respectable mature adult would say things like that.

He's done you a favour.

You didn't break up 11 months ago because you continued to have a relationship. It wasn't a good one but you did it.

So stop.

Stop contacting, stop sleeping with him, stop trying to maintain or obtain an 'upper hand'.

If it's over then let it be over.

It shouldn't be this hard. He's an immature idiot. Block him and move on.

'His type'?! How old is this idiot boy.

Trust me....
In 10 years you will have a totally different life.

This guy will be a speck or your timeline and you wont even remotely care about him.

Block and move on.

nobody wins in a breakup. Keep him on block and move forward with your dignity.

Life’s too short for this kind of nonsense - there’s no such thing as “upper hand” in a break up. Time to move on and relegate this loser to history.

Once upon a time, I knew someone exactly like this. I fit his perfect type, except for one thing. I have small boobs and he liked big boobs. Was reminded near daily of his preference.

He was a love bombing, cheating narcissistic cunt. All the future faking you could imagine, thrown in with a good dose of gaslighting. I was a complete head fuck.

When he very obviously left me for someone else over the Christmas period, I went mental, text, called, and genuinely lost plot. I was in knots. Until like you, I suddenly realised I had given him more power and needed to reclaim myself. I felt better not completely (that took months) but much, much, much more myself the next day. I could be me again fully, not the woman he wanted me to be.

I've never told him or had the chance to tell his short, balding ginger, small dicked self that he wasn't even close to my type. Not that I have one per say but would usually date the exact opposite to him. It makes me feel some what better knowing, I never stooped to his level or the need to say those things to him.

You'll always be better than that superficial cunt. Congratulations on shedding some excessive weight there

You need to work on yourself, he has not made you feel or do anything that is you that decided that so only you can fix it.

Just move on, yes it is a choice

Thanks everyone

It just hurts that he's moved on but I'm still single. He's picked his exact type. But literally spent 3.5 years dragging me down because im not his type. All the comments, a porn addiction... he was a cunt and I think that's why I'm bothered. I don't want him thinking he's won and I'm upset over him.

Oh, my God! And how did you get along with him, if he doesn't love blonds?
if you were mine I would love you forever!