Is it normal to want to walk out of the house after a small disagreement with DH?

[CatLoaf]

We have two young kids, reliably in bed by 7. I'm SAHM and the main carer, but he helps a lot when when he's there.

Today he corrected my pronunciation on something Oxfors University related (he has experience, I don't - I'm sure I feel inadequate and shit, no higher education and a chip on my shoulde :( ) and I said I was going out for a walk. He was typing for ages on WhatsApp but now nothing. I feel so angry and guilty and lost and everything in between. I know I'm unreasonable for walking out (although a walk calms me down). I'm just feeling lost and shit in general, and have tried to tell him that

Meant to add, I'm supposed to be starting part time studies with Oxf University, and am shitting myself.

Sometimes I just can't stand him, for no good reason. God I'm a bitch

OK, I guess this made no sense :((

Well it depends really. Was it a one off comment or is he always putting you down? If its the latter then tan u.

Part time at Oxford? And you can't spell Oxford.

Seems legit.

Yes, I think it's normal to want some space after an argument. A walk might help you to clear your mind.

But what is your p usually like? Kind, respectful, good to you? Or not? If not, then what do you want to do?

I think it was a typo.

And if he corrected your pronunciation, that's not necessarily a bad thing - saves you getting it wrong in front of other people. But the way he did it is important.

If you have been accepted to study at Oxford, then the college must think you're up to it!

I'm going to guess you mispronounced a college name? I say this as I've done it and when I was corrected my reaction was "I'm flipping glad you told me before I visited, how on earth did they get that pronunciation from that spelling?"

How rational your reaction is will depend on if it was a helpful correction, a patronising one or one in a long line of corrections.

On the face of it, he did you a favour because now you’ll say it correctly when you start your course.

I think you need to dust that chip off your shoulder. And congrats on the course!

Of course it was a typo 😵‍💫 What a douche

I'm just so angry all the time and feeling I'm not enough, and it's damaging for my dh, but at the same time I also hate him.
By the way, it's a Continuing Education course, if that makes you think it's more legit @AnonKat ya donkey

It’s for you to manage your insecurities. Your DH saved you an embarrassment later on.

Was it Magdelene being pronounced 'maudlin'? I would rather know if I was mispronouncing something but obviously wouldn't want to be told in a condescending or scornful manner (not saying he was).
You know you're not in a good place so the slightest thing he does which pisses you off is going to be magnified. I don't see any harm with getting out for a bit to calm down and hopefully you can work through what's going on.

ffs it was clearly a typo.
I think it depends on the way he said it OP. If he just said "It's pronounced Maudlyn" (for example) in a factual way then tbh leaving the house is a bit OTT - sounds like it's your own insecurity making something out of it he didn't intend.
If he said it in a scathing way or has a history of putting you down that's different.

I find going out the best thing to do when I'm feeling pissed off, angry, stressed, or frustrated . It gives you all time to cool off. Not say something in the heat of the moment. It also gives you time to think up all the comebacks you could have used but just couldn't quite get to at the time.

That would have been a typo. S and D are next to each other on the keyboard. Stop being snarky.

First of all CONGRATULATIONS for veung accepted on a FE course. What a great opportunity.

It sounds like your life is boring, monotonous, lacking in stimulation and this was the final straw. Having little purpose will ebb away at your self esteem and he was making you feel stupid (probably a doubt you have been having - you’re not). Get your course done, get into employment, and get ready to start correcting him!

I think I know how you feel op. I hate feeling 'dumb'. Usually when there's a puzzle someone knows the answer to and I don't. It puts me in a foul temper. I think you feel insecure about your knowledge and your husband pointing out you made a mistake pushed a button. I think you've probably done the right thing by going for a walk. Now have a talk to yourself. Ask yourself why you reacted the way you did. Try to say to yourself what you might say to a friend in your situation. Hope you enjoy your course 🙂

Was it Magdalen College you mispronounced? You don’t know that one until you know it, so being corrected was necessary if you’re going to be studying there, it depends HOW he corrected you.

Sounds like it’s you not him.

I hope that comment made you feel good, because it was really uncalled for. Guessing you’re an Oxford graduate then?

You sound a little emotionally disregulated.. do you get intense mood changes?
Do you find it hard to calm down and/or not always be able to logically explain why you have reacted with such emotional intensity? Do you feel guilty and regret your reactions afterwards and judge them to be OTT?
This can be due to low self esteem and lack of assertiveness generally.
What really will not help us you being unkind to yourself and catastrophising..
What really happened here? You went for a walk. Its completely fine to go for a walk because it calms you down. That's a good coping mechanism. You do not need to feel bad about doing that. Why have you turned on yourself about it?
You felt belittled by your partner and it triggered an intense reaction in you because it tapped into your insecurities and fears. Again you are allowed to feel emotions.. you don't need to beat yourself up about it. It's totally normal to feel a little insecure if someone corrects you. It's also totally OK to need space to process that feeling.
The more you hate on yourself for feeling things the more disregulated and extreme your emotional reactions will become. Try treating yourself with kindness. Imagine you are not yourself but a dear friend.. think how you would support this friend.

You hate him for correcting your pronunciation? Is this a symptom of a bigger problem, ie does he often belittle you or make you feel less-than? Because otherwise going away in a huff over this and hating him for it is a tremendous overreaction on your part.

(And if it's Magdalen college everyone gets it wrong first time. Surely better to be corrected privately at home than on your first day on your course?)

It’s far better to walk away and cool off than stay and say something nasty that can’t be unsaid.

I hope you’re feeling better now and congratulations on your course. I did a Master’s while having my children and it was wonderful to stretch myself academically while dealing with nappies!