Hope that this isn’t triggering for anyone. I have changed my username for this query.
My widowed mother is in her early ‘90’s and was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. For the first 18 months or so, she wasn’t too bad but is now going downhill quite rapidly, barely leaving her bed. I live a distance away so have been staying with her to care for her, which is fine as I’m single and retired. Plus of course my older brother, the “Golden child” has only visited her once since diagnosis.
For background, from when I was 7-9 years old, I was sexually abused by this brother, who is 7 years older. Eventually I think that my father must have suspected something as he took me to the GP ( memorable as typically of the time, my mother usually did all the childcare type of thing). I recall the doctor examining me and saying that I had been “interfered with” and calling in another doctor, presumably to confirm. The subject was never mentioned again, this would have been quite usual in our household as there were a lot of secrets. My brother left home at 16 and stayed away for a few years although I think that my mother was probably in touch with him. I buried the memory but always had a feeling that somehow my mother was blaming me for him not being around. It’s come to the surface over the last 10 years and I have had some counselling. He wormed his way back after my fathers death 3 decades ago but I do not see or speak to him.
My dilemma is now, do I question my dying mother on this matter so that I can get some closure, open an historic SA case with the police after she dies or just try to forget the whole thing? The first option would be very painful for her ( and cruel?), the second he would deny everything and the third means that he gets away with it. I know that it would be difficult to prove after all these years, the strange thing is that those exact years are missing from my paper medical records when I tried to access them recently.