Pre-holiday frustration with my teens

[JMSA]

Off on holiday abroad tomorrow (very early flight) for a week, with my teenage daughters and my dad. I'm so fucking annoyed and frustrated. My packing is done. They haven't packed a thing yet. One of them has just asked if we have a private pool. When I replied no, she answered with "I probably won't go swimming that much then." Fuck off then, you spoilt brat!

I'm a single mum who works and saves hard for holidays. And each time I remind myself why I fucking do it.

I'm not a shouty person at all. I'm calm, cheerful and kind usually. But I shout and then get sullen mystification in return. They would honestly drive the patience of a Saint.

Dad is due at my place in the next few minutes and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. One of the teens is still in bed.

I feel like doing a Shirley Valentine! Please could you talk me down and tell me it will be ok

Thank you.

Honestly, I would simply get the absolute essentials for the kids (passports, tickets, swimming stuff and sun cream). Tell them very calmly you’ve packed this for them because you’re a nice mum, but that they need to have everything else in the case by 8pm tonight, and it must not weigh more than X, or it won’t be on the plane and they can either live in the same clothes all week or stay at home or, (if not old enough) stay with [family friend], it’s no skin off your nose either way. Then either go out for a walk or very ostentatiously sit yourself in front of the TV with your dad. Ignore any histrionics or last minute requests for assistance- just practise some stock phrases “I just don’t know what to suggest”, “not sure where that is, maybe have a good look in your room”, “sorry, no idea, just going for a nap so I’m not too tired for tomorrow.”

Also make a couple of sandwiches and plonk them on the table for them- tell them this is dinner and you’ll be catering for yourself and your dad so you don’t end up cooking and cleaning later.

Let them crack on. If they end up flying with 2 pairs of socks, a hair dryer and a box of Smints that's their problem. Anything they forget gets bought out there from their spending money. If this means they can't have ice creams and use arcades etc, again, it's their problem.

I would pack for anyone under 10. Everyone else is capable of counting out seven sets of clothing, pyjamas, a toothbrush, deodorant and chargers for any device they're bringing.

100% this! Teens can and should be sorting themselves out, if they don’t then they’ll suffer the consequence of that. I imagine my sister and I tested my parents at times but I would never have dreamed of throwing a strop about not having a private pool!

I wouldn't have packed a thing yet either to be fair - it's only 3.30. I'd be doing it after dinner.

Don’t be that parent. My mum was like that before holidays growing up and ruined the first day of each and every one after flying about the house shouting at everyone in a bad mood the night before.

Let them crack on with it. Teens do leave packing to the last minute but will always get it done in the end. They don’t need you nagging them. As for your teen DD not wanting to swim in a pool with lots of other people - she’s not being a spoilt brat. I am the the same way. The thought of swimming in other people’s body juices is just vile.

Give them a break OP, you’re making matters far worse and ruining what should be a happy experience.

Agree with this! I also put off packing until late on but it will get done and I’m sure the teens know it needs to be done. @JMSA I appreciate your frustration but try to think of the bigger picture, let go of trying to control the packing/situation and leave them be - everyone would be much happier including yourself for it.

I don’t think your daughter was being that spoilt by saying the pool comment but I suppose it also depends on the way she said it - either way I’d take it with a pinch of salt as she’ll deffo love it when she’s there and this is just something kids particularly teens say/act.

Good luck with the holiday either way but leave them to it for your own happiness too

Just let them get on with it. At 3pm, I wouldn't have packed yet either and I'm a 35 year old adult. I agree with poster above - my memories of holidays are all about my mum causing a stressful atmosphere because things weren't done her way. I get the "mental load" and that you're trying to do the best for everyone but you risk ruining things expecting everyone to do everything well.

Pack their absolute essentials and leave them to it for the rest.

Thanks everyone!