12 year old won't go anywhere or do anything unless forced.

[Regularchoice]

AIBU to force him then? Everything is met with unenthusiastic response, Everything. Not in the UK so on holidays already. He would literally stay in his pjs moping around the house if I left him to it. He's supposed to be in sports camp, missed a few days last week so I'll have a massive struggle to get him back tomorrow.
He's like this in term time too,have tried lots of sports, scouts etc. He has to be dragged to anything. Not mad about school but he knows that's absolutely non negotiable. He does soccer because all his friends play but even that he will try to get out of. It's exhausting, but I just want him to be active/ out of the house/ finding joy in life/ learning some bloody resilience.
I'm on the verge of giving up pushing tbh, I feel like a bit of a psycho forcing him out. If I leave him alone will he find his own way??( I feel like he won't, I feel like he'll end up a total shut in 😔)

Maybe he wants more time with his dad. Get his dad to prioritise him a bit and take him out

So he wasn't hanging around the house moping as originally said - he was reading and drawing.
Nothing wrong with that.

He moped through the kitchen sighing a few times ( I was making dinner in here) I ignored him, he gave up and went upstairs to draw. I'm happy enough with the drawing and reading.
Eoould love dh to prioritise him. That's another day's work.

Why not go to his level & spend a day in your pjs too, share films, popcorn, games and whatever. Show him he matters and stop forcing your ideas on him. He needs you to spend time doing mundane simple things with him to build confidence and connection. 12 is fucking hard, so help him.

Reading and drawing are amazing hobbies that can last a lifetime. Not that exercise and socialising aren't important too, but perhaps show an interest in the hobbies he is naturally drawn to as well.

I have a 12 year old ds. We don’t limit screen time beyond telling him he has to come off at 9pm for a shower and relax before bed at 10pm. He has a group of about 6/7 friends and they all play Xbox online together - it’s a very social thing. They’re not allowed to add or talk to strangers but they’re all playing games together and talking and laughing. I’m feeling your screen time restrictions are too much and I’m getting the feeling your ds might actually be feeling excluded from social stuff and a bit lonely. This is how 12 plus kids socialise now.

Having said that; Ds knows he can’t just stay home all the time. Today for example we’ve been into the nearest city, walked round some botanical gardens, had a pizza express etc. We try and get out everyday even if just a walk locally. The pay off for this is I don’t nag him over screen time. We’ve not long been home and he’s back online chatting to friends again.

It’s not much screen time for a 12 year old - mine plays Xbox and chats to friends and plays fortnite or similar with them.

It’s a funny age to be honest - can you say to ask a friend to go with you to places as well if you can afford it? Is he able to meet up with friends under his own steam by walking/ cycling? Mine would spend all day in bed tbh - I can usually coax him out with food 😁

Another thing to keep in mind is that you can set really good boundaries and rules now rather than battle with him as a teenager.
Active teens also seem to be happier teens.

This.

Then work out what he likes and get him to do that. Our rule is you don't have to do X but you can't not do anything. Maybe he needs a Nerd Herd and D&D/nerd stuff not sporty outdoorsy stuff.

Ok I'm definitely going to rethink the screen restrictions. Also love the sounds of a nerd herd for him. I get quite anxious myself if I don't keep busy, so maybe I've been projecting this on to him....

I would have a panic attack if I spent the day in my pjs!! I can't even stsy in bed when I'm sick. That's rather telling isn't it.....

Op, similar here. Will pm you tomorrow if you don’t mind.

I would have a panic attack if I spent the day in my pjs!! I can't even stsy in bed when I'm sick. That's rather telling isn't it.....

It really is. You're modelling quite an unhealthy way of dealing with your stuff, NEVER SLOW DOWN. That must be exhausting to watch. The way to get close to children is to be interested in what they are interested in. Not to try to mould them into mini-versions of you.

In my case I had to be very interesting in exotic pets for YEARS, including handling them with a smile. Be happy yours is PJs, not snakes and spiders.