Binge drinking

[Magicunicornpower]

Am I the only woman here that can't stand my husband getting late at home and wasted?
Together for a long time and I just can't get over it, and the careless shi** that happens when he gets to this point. I also think it's a terrible example for our kid. Proud binge drinker he says as he is still functional the next day. He says this is British culture and I have to be the only woman arguing about it. Am I?

I think it depends how often it is really? My husband doesn’t go “out out” very often so when he does I don’t mind at all that he gets a bit carried away and has a big drink, bonus points if he brings home food for us to share🤣 but if it was every single weekend then I would feel differently about it. I don’t think it sets a bad example to a child that mum or dad has a big night out every now and then, but if he is stumbling in every weekend mortal drunk and waking everyone up then thats obviously very different

YANBU. Heavy drinkers are invariably deluded and in denial about the impact their behaviour has on their wife and kids. He is straight up invalidating your feelings for a start.

Drunks are embarassing nobheads, who cant self apprase. They think they are cool and funny.Your kids will be embarassed and will always remember him as a drunk.

He has to want to change though. Video his antics and play it back to him when sober. Might give him some insight.

He refuses to watch himself like that, pointless to make videos or recordings. And he is not the kind of nice sweet guy when he drinks. He is boring, annoying and sometimes verbally abusive if I don't put up with him. ..and so I will be in bed by the time he gets in to avoid confrontation. Also doesn't take him much to get tipsy and start the usual annoying conversation. It happens on holidays sometimes... he says I am not fun for not having another glass when all I want is him to stop there and avoid that next one that will determine how bad the night is gonna end. that's probably why I can't think about this as just one off night with the lads. He doesn't go out often though

Getting that drunk, especially deliberately, is never acceptable in my book and I absolutely hate sloppy drunkenness. If regularly getting to that state is normal and just "British culture", what a sad commentary that is.

Of course you’re not the only one! It was a contributing factor to my divorce. You don’t have to tolerate it but you can’t change his behaviour…so you have to decided what you do about your circumstances.

Very helpful, thanks

Thankfully my DH doesn’t do this. If he did, yes I would have a problem with it- I would worry about his health, his mental health, the impact on our children, and the cost.

Both DH and I used to binge drink but we grew out of it in our mid 20s. People who continue to do it into middle age seem a bit sad IMO.

Of course you're not the only person who doesn't like it OP. You've got every right to be upset at the amount of money it takes to get wasted, the time spent away from his family and his abuse when he gets drunk.

You say it doesn't happen very often so it depends how strongly you feel about it.

This. I have to say I've noticed a distinct shift in generational attitude towards drinking in my part of the UK-we used to go out every Friday night and the aim was to GET drunk. Myself and all of my friends were brought up by professional parents and had a good education but alcohol was everywhere - including in the offices, in drinks cabinets, of most senior management from all sectors. I was married to someone who kept up that attitude long after babies were born and he was an arrogant, violent aggressive person when drinking. He drank to get drunk. I've married again and my second DH has a very different attitude towards it. My kids prefer to go to the gym and stay healthy waaay more than we did, probably as a result of Instagram etc.. Life moves on, society changes but ultimately you can't change the mindset of a partner over alcohol unless he wants to address it. Read any AA thread and you'll hear it over and over again. Good luck.

Perhaps you'd like to keep your unkind and unhelpful opinions to yourself until you can offer something more constructive to the OP.

Sorry things are so hard his behavior sounds awful. Does he ever have any remorse or doubts about his behaviour the morning after? If not, I regret that it becomes a question of you making a big decision about your future with him. I know its never easy to leave but you are in an invidious position here. I wish you and your kids all the best.

How often? Over doing it a couple of times a year is ok, weekly not ok, in between well depends!

Maybe for you, getting this drunk a few times a year is acceptable, and that's your prerogative. It would never acceptable to me, and especially because, as in the op's case, her husband becomes abusive and horrible. That kind of behaviour should never be normalised or excused.

I think there was an era of look how much I can drink, I'll drink you under the table, you are a lightweight, last man standing etc...
But it is very outdated and definitely not cool now.
Was you husband in his 20s in the 90s?

We are late 30's

so you’re not British?
how long have you lived in GB for?

Where did OP say that she wasn't British?

the op certainly implied her husband doesn’t think she’s british

He says this is British culture and I have to be the only woman arguing about it. Am I?

because if she was british, then it’s pretty odd she’s asking!

with children?

I am British and if someone said to me that binge drinking is part of our culture I would take issue with that. Do some British people binge drink, yes absolutely, doesn't mean its part of our culture and in this instance it's more like the OP's dh is trying to normalise and justify what he knows is dysfunctional behaviour,

understatement
i would be quite furious, definitely offended and also wondering whether they were a bit thick

Lol gosh, does it matter?