To want a baby before career?

[Saoirse96]

Hi all!

I'm looking for some advice on whether or not others have took the path of baby first, career second, and what were people's experiences of this. If people felt like sharing, I'd really appreciate reading them.

To give some background, I've just graduated with my Masters degree. I'm in my late 20s, and have a lovely owned house with my partner. I have all my family support in the same village. My end goal is to become a teacher, for which I need to do a one year qualification. I currently work in a school. I know that being qualified in this would be night and day financially - but I can't help but feel so incredibly broody! I wonder if it's better to have a less intensive job while your baby is young, to spend quality time raising them and focus on being a mum.

Has anyone here happily had babies on low incomes, and don't regret their timings? Or is it a huge mistake and a lot of unnecessary strain?

I had my first child at 28, second at 30. My first child was born two months off me being able to qualify in my profession. I’m 32 now and have only just got back into my professional work, I’ve done the necessary amount of time but I currently don’t have the time to sit the actual qualification. In hindsight I’d have done it first!

PGCE first - you could start this September. Then ECT for two years, the second of which you could aim to get pregnant during. Have baby in three years time. Assuming you're 28 now, that means you'll have a baby at 31 which is no age. And get married. You and baby are totally reliant on your dp - be a responsible mother and make sure your child isn't relying on the decency of one man. Marriage means you have the force of the law behind you as well.

I did a 3 year course when the DC were toddlers, also worked part time. It involved 3 AM studying and sobbing with exhaustion, so for that reason I would say study first. That said things have worked out ok career wise so it can be done, it’s just not the easiest solution.

I'd get qualified first. I also wouldn't have a child to someone you are not married to, unless you are 100% able to support yourself, fir your own security.

Another one saying qualify, do your NQT year and another for experience, and marry first!

'Partner' is ringing alarm bells.

If you want a baby and to stay at home while they're young, I'd concentrate on getting married first.

Protect yourself no matter which way round you choose.

Thank you to everyone for sharing your thoughts 😊 given me a lot to ponder.

A few questions if anyone has the time! - why do most people here believe it so important to be married first? How does it benefit the child, is it in case of divorce/ financial agreements etc?
Genuinely clueless and wishing to know more - my parents aren't married and have been partners for 40 years, so I've not really grown up knowing much about marriage.

Another was for those who question how family friendly teaching itself was - what alternative careers have you found yourself in?

Had my first at 34 and second at 36 (just). I didn't really start my career until late, I was 25 but I was grateful to have my education and 9 years work experience before I went on maternity. I then did my maternity leaves almost back to back and it was great to have the same job offering maternity leave, and good salary also.

When I got back, I did leave the company about a year later as it was so fast paced, I just couldn't keep up with two children who were so young. It didn't matter as I had 12 years experience by then and walked into another role which was more family friendly, 4 days a week, not 5 and the same money.

One thing I've worried with considering doing the qualification, job, then baby, is that it seems to be all over the news that there are no permanent positions available in teaching at the moment. This has been the experience of a friend - she seems to have a really hectic life, up and down with bits of work here and there. These short term posts come with no maternity leave - she's been trying to find a permanent for 4 years now.

So then I wondered is it actually better to be in a lower paid, less time consuming but permanent school post, with maternity leave.

• that worries me in terms of being older with fertility! Sorry if that sounds daft, I know a lot of people in mid-late 30s often have first children.

I was you 15 years ago!

I did my teaching qualification and then studied part-time for my MA alongside a full-time teaching job before having kids. The MA did not aid my teaching career at all but being a teacher was hugely flexible while my own kids were young (I was a 1-day-a-week PPA teacher for a long time).

HOWEVER (and it's a big however), as soon as my youngest started school I went for a career change, as full-time teaching is no longer compatible with family life. If you plan to work any more than 2 days a week and also be a parent to young children, I would urge you to reconsider!

Thanks for sharing your story! Could I ask what career you went into as an alternative?

Another was for those who question how family friendly teaching itself was-what alternative careers have you found yourself in?

Not found an alternative career, but have gone part time.

I would like to leave and go and do something else but feel a bit trapped having only ever done teaching and top of the pay scale, so if I moved to a different job I would probably have to work full time, to earn what I do part time. I honestly don’t know anyone who still enjoys teaching-my own kids won’t touch it with a barge pole and that’s coming from a whole family of teachers. Not one of the people from my PGCE is teaching full time and there’s just me doing part time!

I had twins at 23.

I did my pgce when they were in reception and then worked in education until two years ago.

That way round worked for me because I have endo and was advised that if I waited until my 30s to have kids I would probably not be able to have them,

The received wisdom these days is career then kids but some people do this and then can't have kids.

I’d get the qualification first for the sake of a year. You could do like 4 months then begin trying for a baby then by the time you conceive and give birth your training will of ended

Please get your qualifications and get at least a year of experience in your cv.

you need to be able to protect yourself and your child. The best way to do that is to have access to a good job. Your spouse could be the most wonderful man on the planet, but sometimes once children enter the household, the stress of parenthood changes people. You need to be able to pick up your child and leave without worrying about what you will do for money. It’s the single most important decision you will make as a mother.

Being married means that if you split, the law starts from a 50/50 split of assets. This is not so much an issue with couples who earn similar / no kids but given most women take time off work, reduce hours etc, and men don’t (generalising here), if you were to split you would have a clear law-defined protection to getting half of shared assets which includes the man’s pensions. And if you have qualifications, career record etc it will be far easier to support yourself and your child. If you’re concerned about fertility issues you could get private tests, but age isn’t so much a factor in late 20s/early 30s.

I'm retraining as an accountant, which I feel is going to open up a whole world of possibilities to me, in a way that teaching couldn't.

Marriage gives you protection if things go wrong - entitlement to a share of his assets, as I see it, in recognition of the sacrifices you make as being the one to give birth. Your career, pension, and potential future earnings all suffer due to maternity leave and motherhood, his do not. What happens if your child is born or becomes severely disabled and you cannot work? Marriage ensures responsibility on his part. What if pregnancy or birth renders you disabled? Marriage makes it harder for someone to just walk away, and gives you some financial security should the worst happen.

I would make sure you can support yourself and any children you plan on having before you have them. You no doubt have a lovely partner but circumstances can change. Get qualified first.

DH and I were teachers and both left for the CS.

PGCE is intense and then you have e your 2 ECT years to consider too so i wouldn't be planning for 1 year but 3!

I did my PGCE with a toddler in tow. It was a challenge but manageable. Had to be organised. I was pre ECT framework.

In all honesty your ECT years very much depend on the school you're in and how supportive they are. Get a bad school and you're selling your soul to the devil, get a good school and you're well looked after and nurtured.

If you can't imagine waiting 3+ years (depending on when you start) for a child then prioritise having children first and then see if it's something you'd like to pursue afterwards.