Extremely emotional 12 yr old DD

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My DD has recently turned 12, she is bright, doing well at school and is generally polite and follows rules.

However, she is wildly emotional, has a meltdown at least once a day. In the last week, she has: refused to go to school one morning, spent so long faffing that she missed the bus the next morning, had a meltdown the next morning as she’d forgotten something and she was going to miss the bus again.

She will be cruising along quite happily but the second something doesn’t go her way she is balling, screaming, slamming doors.

Any little thing that happens at school, she is texting me in a panic.

Is this standard pubery / 12 year old stuff or does this seem extreme?

I'd say it's fairly standard. Has she started her periods?

DD settled down by about 14 although she can still get worked up about stuff at 18!

I mean neither of mine acted like this. So I don't think it's normal 12 year old behavior no.

Has she started her period yet? The 12 months before that for my daughter was horrendous. Very similar behaviour to what you describe.

Mine never did this. So it doesn’t sound normal but others may disagree.

This sounds like ND behaviour.

She hasn’t started her periods yet so I’ve been putting it down to this but a friend mentioned ADHD yesterday which started me wondering if it’s something more?

It sounds like me more than my daughter. I was being horribly bullied at school and there was a lot of stress between my parents at home too. There’s only so much a child can take.

Mine acts like this. My 3 year old is autistic and I have started to look back on DDs childhood and realise traits of autism were there with her too. I've also read that for girls the symptoms can start to present when they start secondary school. So I'm not sureif it's normal or if it's ND.

Her hormones are ramped up, preparing her body for periods.

Sounds like my ADHD DD. She's worse with puberty too especially before periods (she's 15 this year)

Mine was like this. Sailed through infant and primary. Even managed Y7.

Struggled with GCSE. School refusal at A level.

Diagnosed ASd, then ADHD at 16 and 17. Now she’s on medication which has been transformative, l think she’s just adhd.

Difficult with meltdowns all her life. Only at home though.

Unable to organise herself would suggest ADHD for your dd

The description immediately made me think ND. My 10 and 11 years old girls are recently diagnosed AuDHD, and many parts of the description sounds just like them.

I’ve been researching ADHD symptoms in tween girls and half of the symptoms fit - emotional issues but half don’t, she’s generally organised, never misses homework etc.

Hmmm... my DD does have ADHD (diagnosed after the emotional stuff had settled down though)

Mine was like this though. Seemed organised, but it got worse as she got older

By the time she was 15 she was making me check her bag. Also, because she was trying so hard to be organised and on top of stuff she ended up with ND burnout for 18 months.

There's a lot of overlap with ADHD symptoms and autistic symptoms. Both also present differently in girls than boys and the majority of research has been around boys. I'd read up on autism in girls if I was you.

Organised to look at, but your can internally have over thought, over worried and not rested thinking about it. Some Adhd is internalised. Then as pressures increase, and hormones, it becomes more apparent.
I'm pretty certain I could get a diagnosis tomorrow of adhd, however mine didn't properly rear it's head until my first pregnancy. However it was there all along I was just able to mask it. At home I was emotionally all over the place.

I have 3 dd's and they all handled puberty completely differently. If you have never suspected adhd before now I would be careful assuming it's that. One of my girls turned into a nightmare overnight and it lasted about 18 months (puberty), then changed back to her old self almost overnight. Wasn't a fun time tbh.

Sounds like periods are about to begin...the hormones can go a bit crazy!

It sounds hormonal and as if she’s having trouble with transitioning into independence. Can you quietly help her manage her morning routine to keep it calm? Have her breakfast ready and calmly eaten then her checklist for what she needs for the day etc.

Also maybe look at helping her to manage stressful situations that reduce her panicking.

Im sure this will improve but in the meantime I would stick with extra support and treating her at her emotional age when she needs it. 10 minutes later she will no doubt be wanting to be treated like a much older person. It’s a joy!

Has she always been like this or is it a new thing?

My DD had a breakdown at the end of year 7. Led eventually to a ASD and ADHD diagnosis ( inattentive ) just couldn’t mask at school
anymore and was exhausted.

that was 2 years ago, she still often tries to refuse school, is riddled with anxiety and self harms. She is always worse the week before her period.

I do think though, even those without additional needs are shattered by this time of year, it’s is a lot so I don’t always jump on the ‘sounds ND’ bandwagon, I’d be waiting to see how she goes whilst obviously supporting her as best I could.

One of my dds were like this at that age, other 2 weren't.
Dd doesn't have any other issues, and only lasted a few months as far as I can remember, she's now a very chilled and pleasant person.

We’ve been having issues for at least 6 years. She really struggled with the death of my Mum and I sought help for her through a charity.

By year 6, she was school refusing a lot and struggled with settling in at high school so I took her to a therapist at the end of last year who mainly focused on trying to reduce anxiety.

It seems to be ramping up again now so I’m thinking I need to take her to get a proper assessment. If it’s just hormones, it would be good to have reassurance that’s all it is.

Either very bad hormones...or ND

Sounds like it could be autism...

Things can go tits up at the start of secondary and any masking is no longer effective.