Feel lonely...but I have friends?!!!

[SlB09]

Not sure aibu but wasn't sure where is to put this.

So, hormones definitely at play I think with this one but I have these bouts of feeling really lonely and disconnected despite having some close friends. I feel like no one really cares or would call on me if something was wrong or going on for me. I have parents and a sister/nieces, they are v introverted and I often think they aren't that bothered either! But I think this is their natural nonchalant manner.

I don't think this all the time, sometimes I feel like I'm sorted, life's good etc but then I seem to spiral into I'm lonely, no one likes me, no one truly gets me, who is there for me etc like an absolute numpty but I can't shake it! I feel like it's maybe one my anxious thoughts that comes when maybe I'm tired/hormonal etc and try to tell myself it's actually not true but sometimes it actually makes me cry!

Anyone else have this?

Well, in what circumstances do these bouts of up loneliness happen? Is there any common ground? You say you have ‘close friends’, but you seem distrustful of them. Are these friendships nourishing ones for you?

@Tippet Definitely not distrustful, I think it's more me tbh, maybe lack of self esteem/confidence. Being and extremely shy child maybe I'm never quite fully open?? The common theme is pmt 😆my brain spirals. It's maybe that none of my friends are from school or the earlier parts of my life, I feel these are somehow different, I don't know. But it's not just friends it's feeling that was re family, even my husband, I lack that really 'connected' part sometimes. Who knows, there's probably some trauma response although I'm not sure what to!

I'm a 40yr old woman btw! Feel like I should be past this

If it’s something feel about every single relationship, and think it’s you, have you tried therapy?

@Tippet I have definitely thought about it, maybe it's time.

Me and I think it's perimenopause, I have good friends, children that ring me everyday but I have the loneliness creep in and what you describe and a bit of depression that goes with it! Then it goes I dread just before period and a week after!

The common theme is pmt

It's this. Makes me feel useless and worthless and unloveable for a few days, then the bleeding starts and everything is back to normal and not impossibly bleak after all. I have learnt to avoid making big decisions round these days.

Have your friends been caring when you’ve needed them?

@AtrociousCircumstance they have and they haven't, I think I need more emotional support than I let on though. I'm very good at being there for others but maybe not expressing when I need support, I also tend to retreat if anything's going on. My husband was very ill a few years ago and everyone helped how they could. I don't know, but by the lack of responses I don't think this feeling is as widespread as I maybe thought/hoped!!!

@EBearhug you've described it so well and succinctly! Thankyou