To have expected DP to come and be with me? *trigger warning baby loss*

[avarteayaya]

Prepared to be told I am BU.

I'm almost qualified as a midwife, I work on placement 48 + hours a week atm.

Had a really tough day, had my first full term stillbirth case. Whole situation was (obviously) horrendous. I communicated this via text to DP, when on my break.

We only see each other 1-2 times a week, yesterday we pencilled in him coming over today depending on how tired I was after work.

I have depression, and I have been feeling down and struggling a bit recently. He knows that.

Before the end of my shift I brought it up, and he said he was expecting me to let him know. He was out at the pub watching the football with his friends and said he doubts he'll be free.

He's between jobs, so has weeks and weeks of doing absolutely nothing. He sees his friends virtually every day. He lives under ten minutes away from me.

AIBU to be upset by this? I don't want to overreact but I really can't be arsed with him.

I think you absolutely should be able to depend on your other half for support when you’re upset about anything. Your boyfriend has let you down.

I do agree with @AstonMartha on this one. I think you’ve overshared on a public forum and should ask for deletion. If this was my situation I wouldn’t want it to be shared, anonymised or not, on a forum of this scale. I’m sorry that it’s been so upsetting for you and I’m not minimising your distress. You do a wonderful role and I can’t imagine being there. You absolutely need to talk this through with your colleagues or any help you can get from work.

Thank you for such lovely responses.

It did tell him I wanted to see him, he said he doubted he would be free anymore.

There was no debrief and I doubt there will be (from last experience). I do really think I will be ok, it's equal parts horrendous/a privilege to be able to support families through such things.

Tbh, when I think back he does have form for not being there for me in times of need. I am reconsidering the relationship, but I really don't want to.

I don't feel my post is inappropriate? I've name changed, posted no details or anything at all that could be considered identifiable. Just the bare bones.

Just want to add that you can contact your uni tutor/support if you're not getting a debrief on placement. This should be done as standard

I dont think it is either, it's not identifiable

We rarely debrief outside of the rarities situations like maternal cardiac arrest, as unfortunately neonatal death isn't 'that' rare.

Have a chat with you supervisor and definitely fellow students, they'll likely have felt in a v similar way, you should be able to get free counselling through work or uni too

That’s a strange marriage. No support from or for either of you……

How awful op. X

a few years ago before we lived together a child at my school went missing. Police involved in search etc was various concerning factors that made it high risk. After speaking on phone my partner immediately jumped in car and came to me.

I don't think you are unreasonable to expect some level of support. Whether it's even a phone call with clear plan to do something the next day and regular message check ins until then.

(Child missing from school was found safe and well btw)

Thank you

@pinkstripeycat for work grief? Hmmm. Vet and solicitor. So I think foot and mouth maybe. And a murder which meant I was away for days. Generally speaking we would support each other via many personal things but I cannot think of a scenario other than above where I would have said more than bad day. The support would come from colleagues and the general work community and friends.

as I say though due to being rural people would be more easily identifiable so less said better. Worked for us this far.

OP, this relationship is going nowhere and you are wasting your time.
He is suiting himself.
Thankfully you don't live with him.
Focus on other relationships and dump him.

We discussed it.

He says I have made assumptions and ran with them. And that I should show him some sympathy and empathy.

You should show him some sympathy and empathy? For what? 😂

I'm sorry OP, that must have been really hard to hear and deal with, he really seems very unsupportive x

Jesus christ. Dump him.

For....?