Should I tell him to not bother ?

[CleverOpalPanda]

I have been dating this guy ,the dates go well ,he texts me everyday but the convos are usually short.
I asked him if he was free tomorrow night and he said he had no plans but we will speak tomorrow.
I told him I need to know in advance to book my babysitter and he said he will confirm tomorrow morning.
AIBU for thinking he either tries to play hard to get or I am just not a priority ?
He said had no plans but didn't agree to make plans with me.
Now I feel like texting him to forget all about it and lose my number.

Sounds like you’re chasing him so he’s just taking it easy and not valuing time with you.

Sounds like he’s waiting for a better offer.

He’s not being considerate and understanding of your child care situation.

Does he have kids?

Don’t chase him. If he’s not jumping at the chance to meet up then he’s not worth it.

@paywalled he has 2 kids.
Last week he told me he wants to pay for my babysitter as I have to pay one everytime we meet.
I refused and said I got it ,is he feeling bad I am spending money as a single mum to meet him ?
I am confused

I have a strong urge to text him and tell him to forget about it and me but maybe I should be patient till morning tomorrow.

Dont give up just yet

If he texts tomorrow I'd say I made other plans.

If you want to give him a chance then tell him straight: hey, I need to know at least 24 hours in advance so I can get a babysitter, so we won't be able to go out tomorrow evening as it's too short notice if you confirm tomorrow. It's also pretty rude to not commit to a date with me! You either want to see me or you don't, so can you please be a bit less flaky or this just isn't going to work out.

If you're just fed up: hey, this is all too flaky for me, you can't even commit to a date until the last minute and I deserve better. Let's just leave this here. All the best.

How long has it been and how many dates?

@Geiyotue
I feel quite bad right now for asking him ,earlier today he expressed that it would have been nice to see me but left it at that.
He seems very excited when he meets me but this has left me bittersweet.
In reality my babysitter told me to let her know tomorrow morning but I didn't tell him that.
It was quite hard for me to ask him as I have big problems with showing interest first and now just feeling anxious.

@LenaMoon
1 month,been on 3 dates,he texts everyday and we have been talking for 2 months now

I asked him if he was free tomorrow night and he said he had no plans but we will speak tomorrow.
I told him I need to know in advance to book my babysitter and he said he will confirm tomorrow morning.

You also gave him 24-ish hours notice though? He’s got kids and maybe other stuff going on. Can’t you just ask next time you see him what exactly he’s looking for, if he sees things getting more serious, and what a committed relationship would look like for him? I think it’s a bit hasty to say ‘lose my number’ unless there’s other things you haven’t mentioned.

@loropianalover
He has 2 kids and no I didn't give him 24 hrs notice.
I am not sure of the situation but apart from the obvious of not being interested,I got the impression he feels bad that I have to pay babysitter to meet up or something urgent could pop up and it would seem bad to cancel on me ?
He offered to pay for my babysitter several times but I told him it would make me uncomfortable.
I am trying to give him benefit of the doubt because I have a very big fear of rejection and feel I might be overthinking

I think you are overreacting. You only asked him this evening about tomorrow evening. he said he’d let you know. you said you needed advance warning, so he said he’d let you know in the morning. He’s allowed a little bit of time to figure things out before confirming ffs. He’s been clear about when he’ll tell you. Wait until the morning and see what he says. If he confirms in the morning and it’s too late for you then tell him you weren’t able to get a babysitter and need to make plans more in advance next time- but that applies to you too (eg you need to ask him sooner). If it’s not too late to sort the babysitter then go on the date and don’t overthink it!! (And next time let him ask you out..)

Have you DTD yet?

I don't understand why he wouldn't commit to a date tomorrow after he'd already said he didn't have plans. To repeat the same thing after you said you needed notice to arrange a babysitter just seems odd. Controlling? Manipulative? Testing to see what you will put up with?

I wouldn't text him to say anything, I just wouldn't be available for him. I think game playing is a bad idea but you have been clear about why you needed some notice but he has ignored that and hasn't given a reason about why he won't decide until tomorrow.

Do you want to continue seeing someone who doesn't not appreciate that dating when you have children takes planning? I think you will always chase him and he will never reciprocate.

Let him go but don't make a thing of it because it doesn't sound like he will be that bothered which is more about him than you.

@LenaMoon

No not yet but he seems all over me last time and I asked what he is looking for,he said a relationship and sweet talked me by saying how much he likes me and how special I am.
I have hard time believing as he might as well be saying these things to DTD

3 dates is around that sort of time!

Just seen you only met up with him 3 times, you’re definitely overthinking it OP. At this stage there’s probably plenty in his life he simply hasn’t shared with you yet as you just don’t know each other well enough. There could be 101 reasons he can’t let you know until morning.

It sounds like you’re taking the ‘I’ll let you know’ as a rejection/slight when it’s more than likely not. If you like him, just reschedule to whenever suits you both!

I might be in the minority, but I think I’d go a bit “”breezy” with it. It’s just been 3 dates. If you can, occupy yourself with your kids, with friends, make your life full without him. If he then asks you out and doesn’t give you enough time to arrange a babysitter, then explain that (breezily!) and see if he learns from that and gives you enough notice next time. Then you can see how he responds and notice his behaviour and see if he’s the kind of guy you’d like to invest more time in.
This is all so much easier said than done in reality, but I think the risk is that you might be coming across as a bit full-on given it’s such early days. My advice would be not to respond to his messages on impulse. Wait, maybe sleep on it, and then respond. If he doesn’t then step up, well there is your answer and you can let him know you’re not interested and have fun in other areas in your life!

Also given how you are feeling, it may be best to wait to DTD until you are feeling more secure with him and have more of a sense of what sort of a guy he is and whether you might be able to trust him or not

You're very much a last minute thing for him.

Book your babysitter and have a plan B if he doesn't make it. Life is too short to spend it hanging around for some man.

Dorothy Parker said it best in Chant for Dark Hours.

@TeaGinandFags
It's afternoon and he still hasn't texted me ,so I sent him a message to wish him well and that this is not acceptable therefore ending whatever this was