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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not invited to wedding

15 replies

Nanaiscool · 06/07/2024 18:27

My neice has not spoken to me for 7 years since she came to stay when she had no where else to go as she had fallen out with her mum, and treated me, my mum and our house appallingly, so I gave her a month to find somewhere else, so I understand and am not particularly bothered that I dont have an invite, however, she also has not invited my mum, who she has not spoken to for 4 years, even though my mum still phones her, leaves messages, but my niece never phones back. My neice doesnt tell people we weren't invited, she tells them we didnt want to go, or we are sulking over an argument from years ago, which is not true. My sister, even though she knows this is not true, just goes along with it as she says she is not getting involved and it shouldnt matter to us what my niece says as we live so far away from the extended family ( my sister moved to be near her husbands family, so we never got invited to anything family related). But it is extremely frustrating and very hurtful for my mum. I dont know how to make my mum feel better.

OP posts:
savethatkitty · 06/07/2024 18:30

So, neither of you have had contact with niece for a few years, yet expect a wedding invite?

I'm confused. Why would you think you would be invited?

Pootles34 · 06/07/2024 18:32

I also don't understand why you think she would invite you, if you're not talking? Surely you wouldn't want to go?

OhshutupBeryl · 06/07/2024 18:32

Why on earth would either of you want to go given the relationship between you all?

RunningThroughMyHead · 06/07/2024 18:34

I hate liars. I'd just be telling anyone interested that you didn't receive an invite. I'd also be telling you mum to stop calling her.

BippetyBoppetyBooHoo · 06/07/2024 18:36

. I dont know how to make my mum feel better.

That's not your responsibility.

itsjustbiology · 06/07/2024 18:42

There is no relationship between your mum and your neice. Why would any invite be expected when you are all non contact? Let it go, it sounds like your neice has done with you all.

Awrite · 06/07/2024 18:42

I suspect she feels that you let her down when she was at her most vulnerable. Your Mum too.

My Mum would never have done that to her grandchildren.

DPotter · 06/07/2024 18:43

I would calming tell anyone who asked that we're not close and therefore not invited to her wedding. In fact tell the person most likely to spread the word.

I would also kindly suggest to your Mum that she stop phoning and leaving message - if the relationship is that strained, this behaviour could be seen as harassment.

Leafygreen84 · 06/07/2024 18:46

Awrite · 06/07/2024 18:42

I suspect she feels that you let her down when she was at her most vulnerable. Your Mum too.

My Mum would never have done that to her grandchildren.

OP says she treated her, her home and the grandmother appallingly. Presumably niece was an adult at this time- should they have just accepted this?

StripedPiggy · 06/07/2024 18:48

Why is it that weddings bring out the worst (selfishness, greed, envy, entitlement etc etc) in so many people? And particularly so many women?

AngelDelightButNotStrawberry · 06/07/2024 18:52

@Nanaiscool you and your mum are always going to be the villains in her story, so let her get on with it and live your life.

Your mum needs to stop contacting her. Nothing is going to change.

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 06/07/2024 18:55

You say your niece treated you and your mum and your house appallingly. She has made it obvious she doesn't want any contact with you or your Mum. Tbh I don't understand why your Mum keeps contacting her. She could have just told the niece that if she changed her mind and wanted to resume contact then she would be there for her. And just left it at that.
I think given the circumstances it seems really strange that your Mum would expect an invite.
Does it really matter what tales people are telling about the situation? Surely most people in your family circle will know the history of what happened and draw their own conclusions about things.

Awrite · 06/07/2024 19:15

Leafygreen84 · 06/07/2024 18:46

OP says she treated her, her home and the grandmother appallingly. Presumably niece was an adult at this time- should they have just accepted this?

I'm just trying to give the other side.

And yes, my Mum would genuinely have accepted being treated appallingly. We are all different.

HowIrresponsible · 06/07/2024 19:18

Let the little shit tell her lies. Honestly don't give her any more thought.

I trust her husband will be the next villan and scapegoat after a few years. People who take zero personal responsibility tend to keep doing it.

caringcarer · 06/07/2024 19:31

RunningThroughMyHead · 06/07/2024 18:34

I hate liars. I'd just be telling anyone interested that you didn't receive an invite. I'd also be telling you mum to stop calling her.

This.

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