AIBU to ask my boyfriend to help more

[EmilyAlice19]

My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year. We both work long hours 5 days a week and have a lengthy commute.
Since he moved in I have really struggled to keep on top of the housework. When there was just me living in the house it was easy, but now his two dogs, him and his children are in the mix it is much more difficult.
I feel like every weekend I am spending my days off doing housework and it is really starting to get me down.
At the moment - he cooks on weekdays as he arrives home before I do
does some laundry
cuts the grass
I do all the of cleaning, most of the washing, sort the bills, all of the grocery shopping and take the dogs to day care.
I have previously said to him about possibly doing a room each a night etc but he did not seem happy with this arrangement. I have also mentioned about us paying for a cleaner but he did not really respond.
Am I being unreasonable to ask him to do more?

He's made his life much easier and yours much harder. No wonder he's resisting change. He needs to go!

If he is not happy to do the cleaning, he should be contributing towards a cleaner. I have dogs and know how much extra mess they make and how much the dust and dirt increases! More people make more mess, so his kids will also be increasing your workload so he really needs to either take responsibility and do some of the cleaning or help pay someone to do it. YANBU.

Hes not “helping” FFS, he’s doing his share. Or not. Why on earth are you doing anything for his dogs? And I hope you’re not doing anything for his kids. And by sort bills he better be paying his share including a share for the kids.

He should not be helping! He should be doing the vast majority of the cleaning (he comes with kids and dogs) and you should be helping. A little.

I would have one very very blunt, very very straight conversation and if he doesn’t make a massive massive change kick him and his mess-making entourage out.

Since he moved in I have really struggled to keep on top of the housework. When there was just me living in the house it was easy, but now his two dogs, him and his children are in the mix it is much more difficult.

He must be over the moon that he now has a skivvy cleaning up after him, his kids and his dogs! If he doesn’t seem happy with your proposal, he can move back out again and do all the cleaning and washing himself. Shame you didn’t sort all this before he moved in.

Time to reclaim your house and get rid of them all, @EmilyAlice19

🤣 you even take his dogs to daycare.
Come on, don’t be an idiot.

He is a cocklodger and you are his bangmaid.
Tell him to at the very least clean / tidy up after his kids and do the washing for you all.
Who did it all before he moved in with you?

Add one more task to your chore list: kicking him out. Problem solved!

You’re a flipping saint
how often are the kids with you?
What was agreed before he moved in and did he push for if?

Sounds like it’s time he, his kids and his pets fucked off and left you in peace OP.

I bet he’s getting a sweet deal financially here too. Am I right? Him and his kids and his dogs - housing cost higher or lower than before?

He's moved his dogs and children into your house and is expecting you to do the bulk of the housework. Sorry OP that doesn't sound like you have any benefit from this at all and are actually much worse off.

I hope you haven't put his name on the deeds.

I'd be re-assessing this relationship if I was you.

He is using you.

Whatever you decide to do: do not have children with this man!

If you do, you WILL live to regret it.

In the short term, you get a cleaner, put the bills on direct debit from an account that you pay into proportionally, and tell him that he needs to get the dogs to daycare going forward.

Long term, you evaluate if this is what you really want from a relationship.

This is where you start feeling like his mum and not his partner...

Is their any reason they've all moved in with you and not you with them?

Are his kids there full time?

A cleaner would be logical.

Or do family cleaning time e.g. on a Sunday morning put some loud music on and everyone helps clean and no one does anything fun until the house is immaculate! That's what we do!

A cleaner that he pays for would be the best decision.

Tally up the time each of you spends doing housework (not "helping" and not including any time he spends on his DC or dogs). It needs to be at least equal except he needs to do more cleaning since he's responsible for the majority of it.
Stop doing any laundry except your own.

I think you're missing the bigger picture here that all this was likely done by him exactly to get the benefits he is getting.

Nicer home to live in, all his skivvy work for home, kids, and pets taken care of for free, sex on tap, a great reduction in his expenses.

It's almost a cliche now with how many men do this to women

There are 3 options here:

• He steps up with the cleaning
• He pays for a cleaner (just him, not you)
• He leaves

He is taking the piss and you need to address this now. He shows a total lack of respect for you.

I hope he pays his way and doesn't expect you to provide childcare.

I would get a cleaner. I would much rather skip a meal out or take away a week and have my cleaner come, she spends two hours here and makes an enormous difference to our lives.

What the benefits of this relationship? Sounds as though he has landed on his feet - skivvy, cook, cleaner and childminder

I am going to hazard a guess and say that you do childcare too ?

Who does the childcare, and what’s his financial contribution?

Sounds like he’s fallen on his feet here.

My preference is you get rid of him. You even take his dogs to daycare?! What did he do with them before? But second option is: you write a list of every single chore involved in the house. In excruciating detail. Put them in a chart under daily/weekly/monthly headings. Put an estimate of time required by each one. Anything less than equal time spent by each of you on chores is unacceptable.