Heartbroken about DS's teacher

[Bluetie]

DS is a great kid. He's smart, funny, musical and sporty. He is also incredibly polite and has a caring nature. He is always winning awards at school, and is liked by all. DS attends a lovely small school with only 2 year-groups.

His previous teachers were OK but in year 3, he's had the most wonderful teacher, Mr T. Mr T is DS's first male teacher and they also share a hobby. Mr T has really helped DS develop his confidence, pushing him more in academics. DS has had a great year.

DS is now moving to year 4. Mr T is also moving to year 4. But they won't be together. All the classes have been mixed to mix abilities, sexes and SEN.

One morning this week, I went to ask Mr T if this class allocation was final. The head came to join our conversation, and he said he will only move DS for an exceptional reason. The head added that the new teacher has made the best progress in her year group across the whole school. I really want DS to stay with Mr T.

Can anyone think of something?

Do you realise that the kids with a good reason are struggling or have disabilities? Things that are probably going to disadvantage them for their whole lives. And here you are saying it's unfair that your child who is apparently great at everything isn't going to special consideration to pick his teacher. You need to check your privilege and grow up.

This is the UK, to assume that a teacher will still be in the profession for four years is optimistic in the extreme!

I always want to ask parents like OP the same direct question I would have asked one of my young students back when I taught: If I said yes to everyone who asked to do X, what would happen?

The school can’t allow every student to pick their teacher, which means they can’t fairly allow anyone to do so unless there are documented, exceptional needs (not just wants) for a specific child.

This thread - in particular the comments from teachers and school support staff - is a beautiful example of at least one reason why this is the case.

Who really needs this?

Is it you that is heart broken or your son? Unfortunately life isn't a constant and this will be a good life lesson for him. You haven't said anything that suggests he wouldn't continue to do well with a different teacher and as others posters have suggested it is not good to have a special attachment to one teacher.

It’s not your life. It’s your sons life.

Not always…different teachers can change the way children view learning. I think that children benefit from adapting to change. At high school, they have to deal with multiple teachers and they need to learn to build relationships/communicate with them all. As we do as adults in the workplace. It’s a life skill.

My kids have adored certain teachers along the way and not liked others. They have made good and not so good progress with both.

Please don’t project your feelings though. Your son will be positive if you are.

Even if your DS did get the same teacher, there's no guarantee that the teacher will be there for the full academic year: teachers do move on.

I can’t help thinking you
may have got a bit more sympathy had said something like My DS is very attached to his Teacher and I need help with supporting him with the transition as appose to coming on here bragging about your perfect child. Bragging rarely goes well, Op. Lets face it that’s what you’re doing. With all due to respects if he’s won all sorts of awards do you not think it’s about time the other kids got a chance to shine.

Your son isn’t being punished, he’s just not receiving special treatment and being given what he wants. I can’t believe some posters have the solution if asking the teacher to give up some of his own time with his children at home, to spend time with your child in extra curricular sessions. You don’t get to request teachers, and takes usually change yearly. That’s the end of it and you’ve been told no. There’s nothing untoward or punishing about it.

Your son isn’t being punished, he’s just not receiving special treatment and being given what he wants

One of the main reasons many of my colleagues are leaving Education for good is that we are increasingly dealing with parents who don't understand the difference.

It is exhausting.

Completely agree @SerafinasGoose . Well said.

😂😂😂

Parents call you up at university?!! That's astonishing.

I think it was the 'heartbroken' and 'child punished for being good' that caused some comments.

This isn't heartbreaking. A little disappointing initially maybe. My child's teacher dying suddenly was heartbreaking not the fact that they had to have a different teacher.

Tell me you've never experienced actual heartbreak without telling me......

Parents call you up at university?!! That's astonishing.

I recently had a parent attempt to put in an official complaint because they felt we'd treated their child unfairly...... their 'child' is a 24 year old master's student who had been subject to disciplinary proceedings due to making racist comments while on placement.

Sounds like you are looking for issue to be concerned about to me.

Your DS seemed to be doing very well before Mr T was on these scene and no doubt will continue to do well afterwards.

@Llamasinjamas I’m amazed you didn’t mention complaining to Ofsted

Tell me about it. It's by no means an everyday occurence but not an infrequent one.

It's a different matter entirely, of course, with students who have significant SEN and may have agreed with the university in the first instance for their parent to advocate for them. No problem with that for me at all.

Nowadays it's usually possible to hide behind GPDR, and indeed that's often a legitimate reason for refusal to engage. A data breach costs the employer I think around £18m or 4% of annual turnover. Imagine the huge sums involved with a university? No one with any sense is going to take that risk.

Some of the parents, can, however, be very aggressively persistent until they get the message that 'no' means no.

Kindly, putting "kindly" at the start of your post doesn't make it any kinder.

You're right, though. The OP is being batshit crazy.

Been trying to think of a nice response but its very hard when your posts are quite ridiculous. Very rarely do pupils get the same teacher twice. Even if theres a chance they could get the same teacher they are not going to pick children just because they want to be with that teacher - or the parent wants them to be with that teacher (wondering if you actually have a crush on him lol) they will mix the classes due to needs, academic levels, support needed etc.

I cannot get over the "I feel like my son is being punished for being a good boy" seriously? Give your head a wobble. I hope you dont push these victim thoughts onto your son.

🤣

Teacher here…with years of experience.
You cannot engineer every situation to suit your child, in the long term this creates unrealistic expectations of school/life. Getting a new teacher each year is normal, learning to manage the feelings that come with any kind of disappointment is vital for a child and a healthy way to grow. Also consider that the teacher may not want to continue teaching a child with a clingy parent who cannot let go. This teacher sounds like they are being very professional in listening but they also may feel pressured and uncomfortable being such a ‘favourite’. My advice would be to let it go- your child will learn new things from a new professional, how wonderful to have the opportunity to learn new things from a different committed and professional person.
I also remember a situation very similar to this in my own child’s primary school. The teacher ultimately left the school for another job/a change because a parent became too emotionally attached in a similar way and it was inappropriate. Teachers are professionals- they don’t ‘belong’ to any child. Healthy boundaries are important.

It does make you wonder....