MIL and money

[foel]

Just went on hols. MIL stayed in our house to feed the cats - she loves it. I paid for all the food, beer(!) etc. and left her £100 cash as well.

Fair enough she gave the kids £50 each to go on hols.

Came home. She handed me receipts of money she'd spent (I didn't ask her to do this). £90 - yeh no probs.

Anyway, moving on. She had problems with her mobile a year ago and I took time to sort it. I forgot I'd paid her bill with my card - turns out over the year £50 got charged to me.

Anyway, so told her about it and I had really bad attitude. "I spent more than £100 when you were away". Umm no you didn't. Then best one "I gave your kids money and now you want more off me". Umm that went straight to the kids!

I've done LOADS for her in the past. Sorted out things and spent hours of my time - currently doing her Blue Badge application.

Dying to say, hang on, I'll get the kids to drop me £25 each out of the money you gave them because you don't want to pay up!

Im forever paying for meals out for her. She NEVER puts her hand in her pocket unless its for "nice" things like the kids. Day to day stuff shes awful.

Lesson learnt last time I'm helping her out and using my card when shes stuck. Seriously tempted now to say sort your own blue badge out now - or ask you son (which she won't because he'll refuse!)

Don't need the money but am I right to be a bit peed off here?

You’re probably right to be pissed off but you now have a free pass to never spend a penny on her again. Did she spend the £100 as well?

I don't mind her spending the £100. It was for food we might run out of, if we ran out of cat food etc. I didn't even expect her to give me receipts to be honest. It was just a case of spend it if you need it.

It was just the bad attitude that I helped her out with sorting her mobile and she doesn't want to pay now.

Thats just the thing, panto tickets for xmas £35, tickets for show to see our daughter £20, many sunday lunches £15 a pop. Never offers to pay any of this.

But she doesn’t charge you for cat sitting?
I would take a broad view. Cat sitters are hard to get, can be expensive. Putting a cat into a cattery requires unnecessary vaccination

I’ll be honest I wouldn’t cause a fuss over £50. She has just done you a favour by house sitting. Pay the bill remove your card.

My mil is like this.

Lend her money "oh I can't afford to pay that right now" repeats until she hopes you've forgotten about it. Expects gifts & cards and will complain if she doesn't get them yet won't do gifts & cards in return, expects us to bend over backwards to help her etc.

Just have a limit on what you'll give her once she's hit that limit "sorry I'm skint I could do with that £xx you owe me."

The £100 seems fair to me, but to then spend another £90 without checking really is taking the piss! And to all those saying cat sitters are expensive, of course they are, but I dog sat for my sister for a week and the thought of being paid didn’t cross my mind for a second.
Enjoy mil free Sunday lunch from now on!

She spent the £100 and billed you £90, so she spent £190? Or she spent £90?

I wouldnt be arsed over £50, she's doing you a huge favour cat sitting. Good luck getting a cat sitter for £90 for a week.

No not billed me. To be honest, she leaves the house like a pigsty - wife agrees this will be the last time.

I'd rather pay double for a sat sitter than a family member ripping me off.

Yeh its the principal more than anything - that shes trying to screw us. She does it to all the family not just us though to be honest.....

I just think its an awful way to be. She seems to have a massive chip on her shoulder that her kids should be paying for everything.

In terms of the cat sitting, I could have got the neighbour but MIL insisted she wanted to stay for 2 weeks. I think I know why - free food, free elec, and she expects to be paid I think too.

My 20 yr old when hes home from college is not the tidiest but MIL is 10x worse believe it or not. Won't be inviting her next year thats for sure.

I still don't understand if she spent £190 or £90, it's not clear.

I dunno, I think chasing a close family member for £50 a year later is a bit tight in the first place.t
And so is expecting her to pay for her own ticket for your daughter’s show. Surely she was invited?

Can you clarify…

you left her £100 and she showed you recent of the £90 she spent? Or she spent £190?

Thats just the thing, panto tickets for xmas £35, tickets for show to see our daughter £20, many sunday lunches £15 a pop.

I think you need to be more Specific here if she’s being a pain. ‘Doris, we are going to the panto on December 20th. Tickets are £35-let me know/have the money if you want to join us and I’ll book you a ticket.’

Decent cattery near me, £200 per week.
Worm and flea treatment about £20 each
Vaccinations about £100 each

I have 3 cats and would be very thrilled if your mum would come here and cat sit

She’s an entitled piece of work. Bet she’s been noseying round all your drawers.

Why would your husband not help his own mother to apply for a blue badge?

I was going to say yabu, on the grounds that she cat sat. But if she left your house like a pigsty and has a habit of not paying her way generally, then I take it back.

You have to stop paying for things as you go along and get the money off her first. Or just do your own thing and not feel obliged to cover her lunch etc.

@foel

Please can you clarify

She spent £90 and showed you the receipts

or she kept/ spent the £100 and gave you £90 worth of receipts in addition

I wouldn't be getting involved in any of this chat I'd tell her to talk to her son about it

Gave me £90 of receipts then moaned I owed her more. Which I said I'd pay. The £100 being gone in her pocket.....

Then moaned when I told her she owed me £50 for the phone. Even though I explained she only spent £90 of the £100 cash and not more at all....

It's still confusing! So it didn't cost you £190, it cost you £100?

Why did you say you would pay it when you left £100 cash?
Time to be firmer

nah I only found out recently that I'd accidentally been paying for her phone for over a year.