My partner raises his voice with our kids (8+5) a lot. It doesn't take much for him to escalate, some defiance, a bit of effort to encourage the kids to clean up their toys out answer a question and he's raising his voice and shouting at them.
He also can get a bit physical. He's never hit them but my son (8) told me he pushed the back of his neck to get him into the shower. I've seen it myself.
I'm not perfect, I've also shouted at my kids but I'm trying hard to stop and to use other things like humor and affection to work through difficult situations.
But my partner refuses to talk about it and gets angry at me when I try to bring it up. He also blames me that the kids go to me for emotional support when he's angry with them, saying I give them whatever they want. But in that moment what they want is an adult they're not scared of.
He doesn't like when i criticise him in front of the kids and I've acknowledged that and try not to do it but in the moment that he's angry and I need him to step out of the situation, I also need to protect my kids and let them know it's not OK for them to be shouted at.
Am I really being unreasonable by expecting him to work on his anger issues?