To be sad my cousins make no effort

[Lolabear38]

Just that really. I have 6 first cousins. Apart from one, who occasionally messages me (usually but not always in response to a message I send him) I never hear from the others. 3 of them live in the same town and see each other regularly, the others live away (and are on different sides of the family anyway). I send them messages on birthdays, have sent gifts when they’ve had babies etc and rarely, if ever, hear anything back. I live a long way away from any of them but if I’m back in my hometown and happen to bump into them we always get on well but as soon as I leave that’s it. I used to try and arrange a catch up with them but then realised it was always me chasing it. Since I stopped arranging to see them I’ve not seen them at all! AIBU to feel sad about it? I’be had two children in the last 5 years and didn’t get so much as a text to say congrats. In my regular life I have lots of good friends and have generally always made friends easily. I know people aren’t obliged to like me just because we’re family but it just really upsets me that there is so little effort.

You live far away from all of them, though — surely it’s hardly surprising you’re not close, and that the three who live in the same town are close to one another?

In the kindest way FUCK THEM OFF

You have done your part
You have nice friends. Stick with them

It's thier loss

Go stand in front of the mirror right now, take a deep breath and say ' I don't give a damn/shit/flying fuck' whichever you prefer, roll your shoulders back and give yourself a smile and let it go

No one has any obligation to be in touch with their cousins. With the best will in the world, people have lives. You have your life, they have theirs. Just leave them to it. Invite them to a get together every year or couple of years if you want to, but being cousins doesn't mean you've got anything in common

Thank you, I needed to hear this ❤️

Op I'm in a similar situation. My attitude now is fuck it. I'm not bothering to do all the contact and effort. Its a two way street, if they can't be arsed then 😵‍💫

I’m not surprised that the 3 who live in the same town are close, I didn’t say I was. I was just commenting on the fact that they are. My hurt seems from the fact that I’ve made an effort to stay in touch with them and have a relationship and I’m sad it’s not being reciprocated.

what is the travel time by car or train OP ?

I'm in a similar boat, OP.

I have cousins who live in the same town as me. My mum and their dad were siblings. They are nice people and we get on so well when i see them. Which isn't often, and is either me making the effort, or just bumping into them.

They have cousins on their mums side and they go on big family holidays together, spend Christmas's together, joint parties for the kids etc.

I find it really sad.

Their dad did die quite a few years ago. I wonder if it would be different if he were still alive. Their mum is nice, and my mum has always got on fine with her, she just doesn't seem to be interested in any of us She's just very close to her own family and doesn't see any need to be close with us I guess.

It is shit but it is what it is. I try not to dwell on it.

I’m sorry. It is sh*t, isn’t it. I’d love to have a close relationship with my cousins - yes I know I live a long way away but I have really close long distance friendships where we don’t see each other for ages and then when we know we’ll be in the same town we have lovely catch ups, planned/ suggested by both of us. I wish I had that with more of my family.

I have seven cousins, some live five minutes away and some are on the other side of the world. I'm not in touch with any of them apart from the occasional like on social media. I don't care, it takes all my effort to keep up with my siblings and their families and my friends.

They're cousins?

I don't speak to any of my cousins.

I barely speak to my sisters. We're all doing our own things.

I don’t like my cousins. When I was a little girl and we all got together with my grandparents I had to put up with them. But now Im 63 I don’t need to spend time with people I have nothing in common with.

@WoozieWoo @StripedTomatoes not to be facetious, but good for you. It’s great that you have a relationship with your cousins that you’re happy with. I don’t and I wish it was different, regardless of your personal feelings toward your own cousins 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some of these comments really kick the boot in…

This has happened in our family. I try to make an effort too, but a few have moved to Australia or London and seem to hook up with one another. I see pictures on Facebook.
I think it's because everyone lives so far away from one another.
But, I think it's sad too, as you have been making an effort and they're not bothering. I completely sympathise and am feeling the same about my family.

Are you an only child OP?

I ask as it’s not really the ‘norm’ so to speak to be close with cousins. If people are close with cousins then it’s because they are people you’d be friends with anyway if you met at a bar/work etc. It’s not the same as siblings when regardless of how well you get on or not your quite strongly ‘bonded’.

Is there an age gap? I was close to my cousins as a child, mainly because our parents were close. They're all older than me, by a good chunk, and on reflection they were always quite mean towards me. I was probably annoying to them given the age gap, but looking back much of what they did/said was out of order.

I'm quite content seeing them on occasion. Given we share a lot of history I sometimes wish we were closer, but we just don't have a great deal in common, and I know in my heart I like the idea of a closer relationship way more than I would the practice!

Were you close with them growing up OP? I have a lot of cousins but I am only regularly in touch with the one I was super close with as a child/teen. I get on with all the others when I see them which isn't often (once or twice a year). I don't think any of them sent birth congrats or birthday cards for my two, but their parents did (which is probably what they assumed). And TBH I am not sure I did either.

This. Three of my cousins live in the same town, if we see each other we have a good chat, but that's it really. Some of them I only ever see at funerals. They are cousins, not siblings. Stop trying to force the issue and just get on with your own life.