Please can I have some perspective *confused*

[Dancingonthemoonlight]

Please can I have some perspective because right now I am seriously confused.....

Today I have sorted out the living room, and managed to recycle a lot of stuff we no longer needed or had space for..... I did it to help with both mine and DP mental health, and because I agreed with him that we was due a decluttering.

He mentioned roughly 2/3 weeks ago about doing the declutter but I didn't have the mental space to be able to do it and suggested we start doing it 'in the week when DC where at school' which he was fine with, anyway that didn't happen as it was a week where we had multiple appointments and I had a funeral to go too....

I decided yesterday I would do the living room as I had just finished sorting and organising our middle DC bedroom as DP had made a walk in wardrobe in our bedroom a few weeks ago and alot of our stuff had been left in DC bedroom. So I finally felt like I had the motivation and mental space to tackle other areas.

Anyway he has been ANGRY with me today, because I haven't done the decluttering methodically and basically I made quite a big mess in my decluttering and got myself overwhelmed BUT I did NOT shout or swear or start an argument with him, I didn't kick off or anything. He had the task of sorting out the cables which as soon as it was placed in front of him he was moaning about and swearing about it. He also was tasked with the tip run (that he hasn't done) he then decides he's going upstairs and I had to BEG for 2 hours for him to help me tidy it all up etc (I have a high chance of being Autistic so the help would of been more than helpful) and he wouldn't until my DM got on the phone to him and he instantly did it then!

He's then been in a horrendous mood with me, telling me he's explained multiple times why he's in a mood with me , that I didn't/don't listen to him, and that I have 2 braincells etc

This all seemingly started when I told him that I don't need his advice on 'this should of been done ages ago etc etc' I just NEED his help and support with it.

He's now gone off to his DPs house for an unspecified amount of time.

So what have I actually done wrong? As far as I'm concerned I've done what HE asked me too albeit not instantly but like I've explained up thread that was for legitimate reasons.

Would you be angry if someone did what you wanted them to do? Even if it wasn't straight away?

Organising and decluttering can be extremely stressful for people, and I'm wondering if you doing it caused him to feel overwhelmed and he lashed out, and he would have had this reaction whether you did it today or two weeks ago.

Whatever the case, him saying you have "2 brain cells" is totally unacceptable and you need to have a calm talk about that and to work out what caused the upset.

@Aquamarine1029 I completely understand that as it's me who usually gets really overwhelmed with it and he doesn't.

Honestly that's not the worst thing he's said to me, he's said a hell of a lot worse over the years.

I've tried to talk to him about what's triggered him but he won't tell me just says 'you' so I'm none the wiser.

Honestly that's not the worst thing he's said to me, he's said a hell of a lot worse over the years.

Maybe it's him you need to get rid of.

He spoke to you appallingly and needs to apologise.

Big however, I do understand why he was upset. You started decluttering at a time that suited you (without consulting him), made a mess and then gave him chores.

so you not only disturbed the space, but you forced him into doing something he probably didn’t want to do.

@StormingNorman I didn't do it without consulting him, I asked him if it would be OK to do it today and he said yes and even said he would do the tip run, I honestly didn't spring this on him out of the blue.

In that case he definitely owes you an apology for being rude and going back on his word.