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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he lying about his salary

62 replies

Askabouttheweather · 05/07/2024 20:11

I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months, very casual. He told me he is a public law and humans rights solicitor, I've checked SRA and he is on there. He claims he makes 130k a year, now tbh I don't care if he does or doesn't but I do care if he is lying.
It is a London based firm, he is 30, not magic/silver circle.
Does this sound likely?

He still lives with his parents, I didn't ask his salary he just told me it and he doesn't seem to have the lifestyle of someone making that much.

If he is lying what's the more likely figure (like has he added 20k or doubled/tripled it.

AIBU to suspect he is lying as his lifestyle doesn't seem to match the salary?

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 05/07/2024 20:14

You’re not unreasonable to think he’s lying. It’s a bit grotty to be asking the internet to work out what he’s earning for you.

Coffeerum · 05/07/2024 20:15

It’s entirely possible to earn that salary by 30 in law.
That doesn’t tell you whether he’s lying or not.
It’s clearly a dead end relationship if you can’t trust him to be honest about his life.

SaltyGod · 05/07/2024 20:16

Seems entirely possible, potentially a little low

Bananalanacake · 05/07/2024 20:16

I'd assume he is saving up to buy a property if he is still with his parents.

Nanaboots · 05/07/2024 20:17

My sons best friend is about the same age and earns about that maybe a little less but not much

Jc2001 · 05/07/2024 20:17

I guess you don't fully know his circumstances but if I was earning £130k at 30 years old I wouldn't be living with my parents.

mynameiscalypso · 05/07/2024 20:19

If you think he's lying, the relationship is dead really. Doesn't matter if he is or not. You don't trust him.

toomanytonotice · 05/07/2024 20:19

Bananalanacake · 05/07/2024 20:16

I'd assume he is saving up to buy a property if he is still with his parents.

This. Especially in London.

maybe he just doesn’t need to spend that much money? Some people are happy with the basics and saving the rest. Not everyone feels the need to spend all their pay check every month just for the sake of spending it.

Coffeerum · 05/07/2024 20:21

Jc2001 · 05/07/2024 20:17

I guess you don't fully know his circumstances but if I was earning £130k at 30 years old I wouldn't be living with my parents.

You very well might be in London. At 30 there’s every chance he only recently jumped a pay grade and doesn’t have the large 6 figure deposit he would need to purchase a property on one income.

NewMe2024 · 05/07/2024 20:23

Totally possible, and if he is living under his means with a goal in mind (house purchase?) then good for him. I’d be more concerned that you feel the need to doubt / check up on him.

MysteryofNils · 05/07/2024 20:24

It's not unusual by any means

He may just be canny with money

Starseeking · 05/07/2024 20:31

It's entirely possible for a qualified solicitor in London to be on that sort of money.

Assuming he came out of uni at 21, possibly did a one year LPC, joined his firm on a training contract for another 2 years and add a further few years associate experience, it sounds reasonable.

Multi-millionaire boxer Anthony Joshua lived with his Mum in her old council flat for a loooooong time before moving out. It's not a huge red flag if someone likes living with their parents. He could also be saving to buy a decent place, despite him being on a good salary, it won't go far towards a house in London.

I'd be more worried about why you are doubting him so early on in the relationship.

howdydude · 05/07/2024 20:32

Possible. But it would me off that he volunteered this info.

howdydude · 05/07/2024 20:33

Sorry - put me off! Considering you've only just met

AttentionToDetal · 05/07/2024 20:35

Law firms are fairly open about salary ranges. Have you searched the firm name and salary ranges? And if you've located him on SRA you'll see how many years PQE he is.

Trust issues aside of course. My now DH was living with his parents whilst on a decent salary and saving when I met him.. Then we bought a place together.

Bigcat25 · 05/07/2024 20:38

Some people are frugal or saving for long term goals, doesn't mean he's lying.

ConsuelaHammock · 05/07/2024 20:40

He doesn’t have to be spending a lot just because he’s earning a lot. He sounds really sensible tbh. Living at home and saving to buy his own property! It’s preferable than spending thousands on rent and then complaining her can’t afford a deposit.

kareer · 05/07/2024 20:42

Seems in the right ball park for that job.

DH was earning similar when we met and he lived in house shares in London until we bought our first place in our 30s. If his parents had lived in London I expect he would have lived with them, he's always been extremely savvy with money and was squirreling away a large six figure deposit for our first home.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/07/2024 20:43

He could have a lot of debt? Or be saving for a deposit?

bananamum13 · 05/07/2024 20:45

It doesn't sound you trust him anyway so he's probably not the one for you.

DodoTired · 05/07/2024 20:45

Askabouttheweather · 05/07/2024 20:11

I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months, very casual. He told me he is a public law and humans rights solicitor, I've checked SRA and he is on there. He claims he makes 130k a year, now tbh I don't care if he does or doesn't but I do care if he is lying.
It is a London based firm, he is 30, not magic/silver circle.
Does this sound likely?

He still lives with his parents, I didn't ask his salary he just told me it and he doesn't seem to have the lifestyle of someone making that much.

If he is lying what's the more likely figure (like has he added 20k or doubled/tripled it.

AIBU to suspect he is lying as his lifestyle doesn't seem to match the salary?

Im surprised he’s making only 130k. Newly qualified lawyers in magic circle are now hired on 150K. Must be quite a small firm he is at

RosaRoja · 05/07/2024 20:45

When you say lifestyle, do you mean he’s stingy? That would put me off, big time. I wouldn’t expect him necessarily to pick up all the bills, but being mean about tips, not buying his rounds etc would be off putting.

Notaflippinclue · 05/07/2024 20:46

Give him a break I would be proud if I earned that

MrsWimpy · 05/07/2024 20:47

If he's got student loans being paid off he probably isn't taking home as much as you think.

WrylyAmused · 05/07/2024 20:47

Public and human rights law doesn't tend to be that well paid.

Commercial/corporate law, I could easily believe it.

Unlikely for that specialism, unless he's at a firm that specialises in it and he's one of the best.